Thank you, Germy Gummybear, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, one of Donald Trump’s lawyers, John Eastman, the author of the infamous memo which outlined how the January 6th coup should play out, responded to questions by the Congressional committee investigating the violence at the Capitol by pleading the fifth 146 times. Does that mean that he actually pleaded the 730th? We’re not good with judicial calculations – we don’t usually have to count past nine.
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
If They Had Any Sense, They Would Have Pulled An Eastman And Gone Straight To The Final Statement
The evolving Republican response to allegations some of their Congresspeople gave tours of the Capitol to insurrectionists before January 6:
“There were no tours at the Capitol before January 6.”
“There were no tours at the Capitol before January 6 – we just let a few of our constituents check the place out. That’s hardly a tour, really…”
YOU ARE HERE: “Okay, there may have been tours of the Capitol before January 6. A couple of families with small children expressed patriotic interest in where their government worked – even though no tours were supposed to be held at the time, how could we refuse to show them?”
“Umm…so, yeah, the families that were given tours of the Capitol before January 6 left their small children in their cars. That still counts, though…right?”
“Well, of course the families with small children who were left in the car that were given tours of the Capitol before January 6 took photographs of stairwells and stuff. Those were historic stairwells, after all!”
“One of the members of the family with small children who were left in the car that took photographs of stairwells during tours of the Capitol before January 6 was recorded making threats against prominent Democrats during the insurrection? Do you, umm, believe in coincidence?”
“I refuse to answer on the grounds that it may incriminate me.”
SOURCE: Politics For Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/home.asp?did=1030&dir=bb]
He May Have Delegated The Writing Of That Tweet To One Of His Minions
…He May Regret The Decision To Delegate The Writing Of That Tweet To One Of His Minions
Author James Patterson is apologizing for claiming that white male writers are being subjected to “just another form of racism.”
“I absolutely do not believe that racism is practiced against white writers,” he tweeted in response to widespread criticism on social media. “I believe that RACISM HAS BEEN PERFECTED AGAINST WHITE MALE WRITERS! SUCK IT LIBS!!!!!”
SOURCE: Unread Book News
[http://217.204.44.94/cgi/NGoto/2/64382861?3518]
He Probably Thinks He Has The Band On The Run
But He’s Just A Rock And Roll Suicide
Florida Governor Ron Desantis has just signed into law a bill that would make it illegal for anybody in the state to listen to 80s dance band Trans-X.
“We have to protect our children from people who would preach unnatural lifestyles that would destroy their innocence,” Desantis explained. “Music celebrating trans culture certainly falls into that category, even if it is eminently danceable – especially if it’s eminently danceable!”
SOURCE: LotsMusic
[http://www.lotsmusic.com/news/?thedate=6/14/2022.htm#1]
Actually, Principles Are Easy To Stick With…When You Don’t Have The Power To Act Upon Them
According to former Conservative leader Erin O’Toole, the Liberal government’s decision to impose vaccine mandates on Canadians was “the most divisive and politically motivated federal policy action in Canadian history.”
So, if he had led the country at the time, O’Toole would have let large numbers of Canadians needlessly die of COVID? “Principles aren’t always easy to apply in the real world – there is often a cost to be paid for holding to them,” he replied, “but politicians who don’t stick to their principles, regardless of how unpopular they may be, don’t deserve to hold office.”
SOURCE: Festerin’ Report
[http://www.ax2grindnet.com/festerinreport/web/feature22222222.html]
Johnson Was Too Busy Partying To Notice
The ethics adviser to Prime Minister Boris Johnson has quit. This leads to the question: “Prime Minister Boris Johnson had an ethics adviser‽ Why didn’t he know anything about this‽”
SOURCE: The Smarmian
[http://www.thesmarmian.com/world/2022/jun/06/boris-wont-bore-us]
And When We Say Accessible To All, We Don’t Include Homeless People
Where Are Explanatory Asterisks When You Need Them?
The City of Toronto awarded $1 million in sole-sourced contracts to private security companies to prevent homeless people from setting up encampments in public parks. The city insisted that the move was necessary to “keep the parks safe and accessible to all.”
Because “to pander to citizens who live near parks who don’t want to see their property values decrease” doesn’t have the same ring to it?
The contracts were split into two, coincidentally causing them to fall below the $500,000 limit on sole-source deals issued by senior municipal staff, bypassing the need for council approval. “Councillors are so busy these days,” the city claimed. “This decision was such a no-brainer that we didn’t want to trouble them with it. They’re overworked as it is…”
SOURCE: Canadian Depress
[http://www.cd.org/english/notforyou.htm]
Unless The Online Opinion Site’s Idea Of “Great Exposure” Involves Acting In A Porn Film, In Which Case There Is Some Truth In Its Advertising
Toronto has been named one of the international host cities of the 2026 FIFA World Cup. Hosting five games would cost about $290 million, while bringing in about $3.5 million. Given those numbers, why would any city want the “honour?”
“It would be great exposure,” FIFA argued.
Great exposure. Hunh. Ask any writer who has contributed to an online opinion site about the value of “great exposure.” They’re not hard to find: just look behind the counter at your local coffee shop.
SOURCE: The Schwartz Sports Report
[http://www.schwartzsportsreport.com/ssr-news.shtml.htm#5663413000]
News For The Hard Of Hearings
I watch the Congressional January 6 committee hearings so you don’t have to. This is what I have seen so far:
DAY ONE: Trump is guilty.
DAY TWO: Trump is soooooooo guilty! Really guilty. Like, well and truly guilty. For profit.
DAY THREE: If Trump was any more guilty, not even the Pope and all his Cardinals would be able to absolve him (although it would be fun to watch them try).
And here is a brief overview of what to expect from next week’s hearings:
DAY FOUR: Trump: still guilty.
DAY FIVE: Trump isn’t gonna stop being guilty. Let’s be honest, he was born guilty and he likes it.
DAY SIX: More of the same, only worse. So. Much. Worse…
You’re welcome.
SOURCE: Bill’s Bitter Pills
[http://bill.geekgoons.com/]