Thank you, Galadriel of Gort, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, we read Andrew Morton’s biography of Angelina Jolie. And, when we say we read it, we really mean we skimmed it. And, when we admit we skimmed it, we really mean we watched two minutes of an interview with the writer on Entertainment Right Now. After that extensive research, we just have one question for Mister Morton.
When did you stop making salt?
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
Bieber Fever? There’s A Cream For That…
Justin Bieber: First Step 2 Forever: My Story
SPECIAL ADVANCE EXCERPT
You cannot succeed at anything without a tremendous amount of hard work. Work work work work work work work work work. Hard hard hard hard hard hard hard hard hard. I had been training hard for months to catch my big break. Then, on the eve of my fourth birthday, it all came together: I made my first poopie in the toilet. I exulted. This was the moment that I had worked so hard to achieve, and it was glorious.
SOURCE: Unread Book News
[http://217.204.42.70/cgi/NGoto/2/64382861?3518]
more
Vic-tims of Circumstance
Public Security Minister Vic Toews has assured Canadians that there will be close scrutiny of the 490 Tamil migrants who washed up on our shores in an attempt to escape their war-torn country.
“We have it on good authority that many of these people are terrorists,” Toews stated. “And, if that turns out not to be the case, then it will likely be true that they are economic, not political refugees. But, if they do turn out to be legitimate political refugees, I’ll bet you a lot of them are Internet stalkers. If that allegation doesn’t pan out, it could well be that many of them own shares in BP. And, if they don’t, well, don’t blame me if it turns out that most of them want to raise your taxes – I did try to warn you!”
Toews added that the Conservative government would remain vigilant. “People who come to Canada with nothing but the clothes on their backs and a desire to better their lives are a threat to this country that this government takes very seriously!”
SOURCE: The Irrational
[http://www.mc.ca/stories/2010/08/13/rumourtamil100813]
more
Wolf In Teacher’s Clothing
MAKING MONEY 101
Wolf’s Formula
A + B = C
where
A represents: Ultrinsic, a Web site that allows students to bet on what grades they are going to get, either in individual courses or over their entire time at school
B represents: how overconfident American students are in their intellectual abilities
C represents: money in the bank, baby
SOURCE: Geekly News & World Report
[http://www.geeklynews.com/geeklynews/issue/100810/geeklynews/01Farra-Mona.htm]
more
The Fact That You Make No Sense Doesn’t Mean That Some Day You Won’t
Still, I’m Not Holding My Breath
“The Fact that he hasn’t done anything yet doesn’t mean he won’t.”
– Skip Coryell, on why he doesn’t trust President Barack Obama to protect his second Amendment rights
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
more
Good: The Play Was Too Long
Now, If Somebody Could Do Something About Richard III
Spanish authorities are warning travellers against jumping from hotel balconies into swimming pools. The practice has already left four dead and many more injured. As part of the campaign they are airing commercials that feature a classic theatre scene rewritten to deliver their message:
Capulet’s orchard
ROMEO
But soft! What light through yonder window breaks?
It is the East, and Juliet is the drunk!
Jump, fair sun, and land in the convenient pool
Who is already – OOOOH!
That’s gotta hurt!
SOURCE: Safe Xtreme Vacations
[http://www.lookingforsafeadventure.com/asafedventuretravelsites.htm]
more
Mime Of The Season
Lorene Yarnell has died of a brain aneurysm at the age of 66.
SOURCE: Obits ‘R Us
[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
more
Oh, No! I’m Seeing Double (Dip)!
“Fears of double-dip slump rise in U.S.”
– Globe and Mail
“Double dip fear spurs global sell-off”
– Toronto Star
SOURCE: Billy-Bob’s International House O’ Headlines
[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=1100111011]
more
Ease Predigest Loosen
How do we know that American attention spans have reached an all time low? When it was adapted into a film, the book Eat, Pray, Love was called Eat Pray Love. We don’t have enough attention for commas any more!
I blame Twitter.
SOURCE: Bill’s Bitter Pills
[http://bill.geekgoons.com/]
more
Strengthening The Constitution Of The Body Politic
This is the fundamental difference between Liberals and Conservatives: Liberals want to use the Constitution as toilet paper, Conservatives view the Constitution as the Holy Grail, the Dead Sea Scrolls and an Arby’s menu all rolled into one. Okay, except, maybe, for the…the…the fourteenth Amendment. That was a little over the top. We don’t want millions of foreigners having their babies here so they can get a free pass to citizenship. Oh, and one other thing: Muslims should not be given permits to build Mosques anywhere in the country. They do not deserve the first Amendment right to freedom of religion because…because…because…THEY’RE MUSLIMS! You see? Conservatives take the Constitution so seriously, WE KNOW WHICH PARTS THE FOUNDING FATHERS MEANT AND WHICH THEY’VE BEEN WINKING AT US ALL THESE YEARS TO CHANGE!
SOURCE: The O’Meilly Factor
[http://www.foxynews.com/story/1,2933,96217,11.html]
more
The Write Stuff
The Commitment
Writing a short story is a sprint; writing a novel is a marathon.
Writing a short story is like getting a quickie divorce in Reno three days after you were married; writing a novel is like celebrating your 65th wedding anniversary in Paris.
Writing a short story is like eating a Cheez Doodle; writing a novel is like eating a 12 course meal at a five star restaurant for six hours.
Writing a short story is like having a hangnail removed; writing a novel is like having quadruple bypass surgery.
Writing a short story is a summer job at a fast food restaurant; writing a novel is climbing the ladder to become the President and CEO of a fast food restaurant chain.
Writing a short story is like listening to a George W. Bush speech; writing a novel is like listening to the Lincoln-Douglas debates.
Writing a short story is like being buried in a pauper’s grave; writing a novel is like having a state funeral with a 21 gun salute and ticker tape parade down Main Street.
Writing a short story is a Commodore 64; writing a novel is a Dell PowerEdge M905 Server.
Writing a short story is a trip to the corner store; writing a novel is a trip to the moon.
SOURCE: Poetry, Cornered
[http://www.cibc.com/ca/personal/poetrycorner/524.html]
more