Thank you, Forrest Gump Worsely, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, we heard about a Chinese teenager who defaced an ancient temple in Egypt with graffiti that said that he had been there. When he heard about the incident, the office Ugly American snorted, “Damn, I wish I had thought of that! If we let Chinese tourists take the lead in boorish behaviour, we don’t deserve to be the world’s number one superpower!” Then, he asked when his next vacation was scheduled.
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
He Saved Countless Women’s Lives – Why Would Any Politician Want To Celebrate That?
Abortion crusader Henry Morgentaler has died at the age of 90 of a heart attack. Morgentaler had a remarkable life: he was a Holocaust survivor who spearheaded a successful social movement in his adopted country and became a member of the Order of Canada. Or, as official Ottawa likes to think of him, “Who?”
SOURCE: Obits ‘R Us
[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
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Something Tells Me That Comic Is The Only Relief The Irish Will Be Getting
In preparation for the G8 summit, the area around the northern Irish Lough Erne Resort is plastering giant stickers to the windows of abandoned storefronts to make it look like business is booming, despite the fact that it is actually a depressed area with 24 per cent youth unemployment.
But, what would happen if a head of state tried to enter a building where the open door is actually a painting on the very real, very closed door? Would he bounce off it like the coyote slamming into a painting of a train tunnel on the side of a mountain?
“Of course not!” enthused David Morrison, general manager of the local Killyhevlin Hotel. “It’s not like they do their own shopping – they have people for that. Don’t they? Besides, Road Runner cartoons never get old!”
SOURCE: Daily Semaphore
[http://www.opinion.semaphore.co.uk/opinion/main.jhtml;sessionid=MUFFLE1WOLFFPQFIQMFSM5WAVCBQ0JVC?nextPage=/DUereDE/wXeR.WZvwF?7wF~/DUereDE/s149/Os/14/JD171O.7wF!2qZiiv~/DUeReDR/s119/
Os/14/e7DUeReDR.ZvwF!2iG3gimmygi2Z~vg3i&resize=null&_requestid=89430]
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How Long Can Toronto A-Ford This Behaviour?
It’s The Rob and Doug Radio Show!
ROB: Journalists! Bunch of maggots!
DOUG: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! That’s a little over the top, Rob.
ROB: You’re right. I apologize.
DOUG: That’s better.
ROB: That was unfair to fly larva that feed off the carcasses of dead and dying animals!
DOUG: Oh, now…
ROB: Why are you defending journalists?
DOUG: Defending journa – I wasn’t!
ROB: After all, they accused you of being a drug dealer back in the day.
DOUG: [UNPRINTABLE]
ROB: Whoa! Now, you’re gonna have to apologize to god, the asses of horses and formaldehyde!
SOURCE: Drew’s Transcript-o-rama
[http://www.transcript-o-rama.com/fordeverymountain-what.shtml]
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The Bluth, The Whole Bluth And Nothing But The Bluth
Is it my imagination, or are more journalists writing about the resurrection of Arrested Development than watched the original run of the television series?
SOURCE: Ukrainian TV Guide
[http://www.tvguide.ua/listings/index.asp?referrerID=0&returnurl=%2Flistings%2Findex%2Easp%3F®Mode=0]
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Tar Sands
Dirty Hands
The World Makes Unreasonable Demands
Canada could lose nine billion dollars worth of investments, perhaps a quarter of it permanently, if the Keystone XL pipeline is cancelled or further delayed? Really? Who is the moron who thought it would be a good idea to bugger the country’s manufacturing base and make us increasingly reliant on exporting resources like oil?
Who? Oh.
Who are the morons who elected him?
SOURCE: Les pages aux Folles
[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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Yes
No
Yes
Yes
No
Ooh, Ick
The Ghost Of Jim Morrison
Higher Than The Wind Blows
Only On Days Ending In A “Y”
A Double Jointed Camel
In The Overactive Imagination Of A Hyperactive Sloth
No
Yes
Answer That And You’ll Give Your Lawyer A Brain Hemorrhage
“Are remote workouts the next big thing?”
– Globe and Mail
“Can China teach us a lesson?”
– Toronto Star
“A ‘drunk’ Ford, or a sober McGuinty?”
– Toronto Sun
“Paper, plastic or a pint?”
– Toronto Star
“Can Taiwan hold lessons for China?”
– International Herald Tribune
“Should we eat horsemeat?”
– Toronto Star
“Who can help my daughter find the right career path?”
– Globe and Mail
“Heist an inside job?”
– Toronto Sun
“Is fatigue becoming an issue for Facebook?”
– Toronto Star
“WHO’S GOT TICKETS?”
– Toronto Sun
“Is Sunday the new Thursday?”
– Toronto Star
“Deft in Venice: Is Lynne Cohen even better than we think?”
– Globe and Mail
“N. KOREA ALL TALK?”
– Toronto Sun
“Who’s the liar here, Mr. Mayor?
– Toronto Star
SOURCE: Billy-Bob’s International House O’ Headlines
[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=1870134798]
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True: You Lowered The GST To Blow A Hole In The Budget In Order To Justify Cutting Spending On Social Programmes
An Excuse To Attack Ontario Is Just A Bonus
“We did not lower the GST to have it taken away from Ontarians by the Wynne government with a new sales tax hike.”
– Finance Minister Jim Flaherty
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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Love Means Never Having To Say You’re Sorry You Spent Years In Prison
Flight of the Eagle: A Strategic History of the United States
Conrad Black
Signal
768 pages
Oh, Conrad and United States, get a room!
In his new book, Black shows all of the emotions of a man whose love is unrequited, particularly the fawning praise interspersed with harsh denunciations. But, in the end, he just knows that his love will come around and do the right thing. He just knows it.
SOURCE: Unread Book News
[http://217.204.43.49/cgi/NGoto/2/64382861?3518]
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Gentlemen, You Can’t Fight Here – This Is The Peace Bridge!
The Canadian government has expressed reservations about expanding the plaza on the American side of a bridge that crosses the Niagara River between Buffalo and Fort Erie. They believe the expansion will require spending far more acquiring land than its assessed value.
Representatives of the Americans have called Canadian negotiators “deceitful, disrespectful and arrogant.”
A representative of the Canadian side responded, “Have they learned nothing from the War of 1812?”
SOURCE: Canadian Depress
[http://www.cd.org/english/notforyou.htm]
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We Know At Least 74 People Who Won’t Have To Apply
POSITION: Representative of Social Security Tribunal. SALARY: $91,800 to $231,500, depending upon your proven loyalty to the Conservative Party (as indicated by…oh, we don’t know…not a contribution to the Party because that would be too partisan, but something like it…something very much like it…). DUTIES: denying as many Employment Insurance claims as possible without setting off alarms in the media. Knowledge of the law optional. Hatred of the poor a definite asset.
SOURCE: Your Guide To Getting Jobbed
[http://on.ygtgj.com/listings/140824.qrhtml]
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