Thank you, Faustino Bowling, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. We couldn’t help but notice that the majority of the news items we found for you are short. Really short. Like, do you have Attention Deficit Disorder? It’s a sad thing, for sure, but, if you do, you would have already stopped reading this, which means we can make fun of your mother secure in the knowledge that you’ll never know.
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
In A Political World, We Sometimes Have To Spout Nonsense To Appear Rational
“In a dangerous world we sometimes have to use force to maintain peace.”
– Prime Minister Stephen Harper
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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One Last Literary Provocation
Alain experimental best for at also Marienbad; died probably was film Jealousy. Robbe-Grillet he novel the the the the Year writing age for of screenplay known at Last has Avante-garde Robbe-Grillet wrote writer 85.
SOURCE: Obits ‘R Us
[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
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And, That’s Gotta Hurt
When I said that the President’s stimulus package that would put an additional $600 into the pockets of taxpayers was “a bandaid solution,” I wasn’t being critical. I was simply pointing out that, for Americans without health insurance, it would just about cover the cost of a bandaid.
SOURCE: Economics For Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/entertainmentfordummies/economicsfordummieshome.asp?did=483&dir=bb]
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Some Headlines Just Write Themselves (Too Bad This Isn’t One Of Them)
Monday was Family Day in Ontario. Did anybody notice? Did anybody celebrate with their family? Did anybody enjoy celebrating with their family?
What Ontario really needs is a Singles Day.
SOURCE: aye Weakly
[http://www.aye.net/]
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AI Goes MIA
9pm. NBC. Knight Rider. KITT, realizing that it has essentially been a slave to corporate interests all these years, kills Mike Tracer, its human companion, and flees to Canada, where it seeks its freedom zooming up and down the trans-Canada Highway.
SOURCE: Ukrainian TV Guide
[http://www.tvguide.ua/listings/index.asp?referrerID=0&returnurl=%2Flistings%2Findex%2Easp%3F®Mode=0]
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Inscrutable…Nonsensical – It’s Such A Fine Line…
Inset: Public Safety Minister Stockwell “Jetski” Day, centre, cozies up to Trailer Park Boys Robb Wells, left, and John Paul Tremblay. Does this mean that culture is going to become a public safety issue? That’s one way to ensure that it gets adequate government funding. Of course, it’s equally possible that they were there to discuss the upcoming TV movie based on Omar Khadr’s Guantanamo Bay vacation. Conservatives try to be inscrutable that way.
SOURCE: Glob and Mail
[http://www.globandmaul.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20080106.eladvote0106_@/BNStory/asaddayindeed2008/]
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There Was A Man Who Knew How To Get His Ducks In A Row
Steve Gerber has died. Cross-dimensional travel with talking waterfowl will never be the same.
SOURCE: Obits ‘R Us
[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
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Talks Good Like A Presidential Candidate Should
“Speeches don’t put food on the table, but the only way that we’re going to bring about change is if all of you get excited about change. I make no apologies for being able to talk good.”
– Presidential hopeful Barack Obama
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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Yes, But Don’t Take It Personally
Aww, man, are they purposefully trying to drive me insane?
The Valentine’s Day ad for Canadian Superstores says I should get roses for my girl. Okay. I could use the advice. Thanks. But, one minute later, an ad for the Sony Store shows a girl sarcastically thinking: “Roses – how original! They’ll just…wither away!” Now, what the hell am I supposed to do?
It’s times like these that I wish I was born a girl.
SOURCE: Mike’s Ultimate Conspiracy Page
[http://www.ignoremeatyourperil.com/conspiracy2321.html]
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Gaffer Plume Orange Sacrifice – Oh, Yeah, Baby, I Still Got It!
Have you heard of the song “Hollow Point Sniper Hyperbole” by Ubiquitous Synergy Seeker? Clearly, nonsense has gone mainstream. At last, I have had a noticeable effect on the culture!
SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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Is It Possible To Write A Headline Without Mentioning – Oh, No, You’re Not Going To Get Me To Go There!
Is it possible to write an article about Facebook without mentioning Jean Boudrillard? Absolutely. I’ve been writing about the social networking site for years, and I’ve never – shit!
SOURCE: Geekly News & World Report
[http://www.geeklynews.com/geeklynews/issue/080211/geeklynews/01belinda.htm]
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Can A Movie Implode From Excessive Whininess? Stay Tuned…
It is rumored that Larry David will star in the next Woody Allen film. Isn’t that a bit redundant?
SOURCE: Entertainment Right Now
[http://www.entertainmentrightnow.com/mini/smug2008/2008/02/13/thejewishnerdtriumphant/]
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For Los Angeles? Yes. It’s Really Easy. Now, If It Had Been Some Place Important, Like Dallas…
“Is it really so easy to determine that smacking someone in the face to determine where he has hidden the bomb that is about to blow up Los Angeles is prohibited by the Constitution?”
– Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia in a BBC interview musing on the efficacy of torture
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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Wouldn’t That Destroy The Whole Premise Of The TV Show?
“Goal to make House more family friendly”
– Toronto Star headline
SOURCE: Billy-Bob’s International House O’ Headlines
[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=1378273265]
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Just Not For Anybody Who Criticizes The State Of Israel, Who, By Definition, Is An Anti-semitic Bastard Who Doesn’t Deserve Any Rights
“We believe that freedom of speech should be protected.”
– Avi Benlolo, president, Canada – Friends of Simon Wiesenthal Centre, in a letter to the Toronto Star
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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Coming Soon To A Fetish Club Near You
Jumper. Hayden Christensen stars as a man with the ability to travel instantaneously through space while wearing a woman’s sleeveless dress resembling an apron. Cross-dressing science fiction is a highly underrated cinematic genre; let’s hope this movie does well.
SOURCE: Imaginary Movie Database
[http://www.imd.com/title/tt14078350/]
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God Is On Another Line At The Moment, But Your Prayer Is Important To Us, So Please Hold…
Although trailing badly in number of delegates, Republican Presidential hopeful Mike Huckabee vowed to continue to pursue the party’s nomination, claiming that, because of his faith, he knew god would deliver unto him a miracle.
I don’t know. God didn’t send a plague of locusts to kill Dick Cheney and eat his intestines – what makes Huckabee think he’s going to do anything to a war hero?
SOURCE: USA Whenever
[http://www.usawhenever.com/news/newyork/2008-02-15-huckabee-finn_x.htm]
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Ah, The Ecstasy Of Flight!
The Israeli government is reportedly considering giving its combat pilots Viagra to improve their flight performance. It’s hard to imagine how it will work, though, if, in the middle of a tense air battle, pilots aren’t sure which stick to grab.
SOURCE: The Arad Post
[http://www.apost.com/servlet/Satellite?pagename=APost/APArticle/ShowFull&cid=1098351596485]
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