Thank you, fatbat27, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Ah, Internet names. What could say more about you than the fact that the clever name you have chosen to identify yourself online with was chosen by 26 people before you even had the chance to get it?
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
Circular Logic Leads To The Circular Firing Squad Instead Of The Circular Filing Cabinet
ABOUSFIAN ABDELRAZIK: Why won’t you let me back into Canada?
CSIS: You are a terrorist.
ABDELRAZIK: How do you know that?
CSIS: Because we know that you spent time with Adil Charkaoui.
ABDELRAZIK: Why does that matter?
CSIS: He is a terrorist.
ABDELRAZIK: How do you know that?
CSIS: Because Adil Charkaoui spent time with you.
ABDELRAZIK: Oi!
SOURCE: This 22 Minutes Feels Like An Hour
[http://www.mothercorp.ca/hour22minutes/]
Wouldn’t That Make Us…?
“Well, in the case of cage-free eggs – the latest must-have product for animal-welfare activists and politically correct corporations – the hype seems to have come before the chicken and the egg.”
– Globe and Mail, October 31, 2007
“Fish is the big trend for this year’s festival, so long as it is fresh, farm-raised and politically correct, and Mr. Boehmer plans to offer salmon gravlax – fish cured with salt, sugar, dill and peppercorns – to the 300 guests of the party for Atonement, starring Ms. Knightly.”
– Globe and Mail, September 5, 2007
“The politically correct thing to do is save the auto sector. But in the age of green guilt, that idea is as anachronistic as the yacht-sized Chrysler New Yorker my free-spending father drove in the early 1970s.”
– Globe and Mail, November 17, 2008
“Either way, if there is such a thing as a politically correct muscle car, GM has just delivered it with the Camaro V-6.”
– Globe and Mail, June 18, 2009
“It was the Reform Party, to which Prime Minister Stephen Harper then belonged, who railed against deficits long before it was deemed politically correct.”
– Globe and Mail, July 18, 2009
Can we agree that the phrase “politically correct” has lost all meaning and move on?
SOURCE: Michelle’s Obscure Pedantry Page
[http://www.MichellesOPP.ca/blogger.html]
Then, We Apologize To The United States For The Inconvenience
Differences between Americans and Canadians #327: when another country enacts laws that hamper trade, the American government goes apeshit, threatening the country with everything from legal action to refusal to let them watch the movie G Force. When another country enacts laws that interfere with trade, Canada demands that the provinces break down the barriers to their trade in the hope that this will somehow inspire the other country to do the same.
SOURCE: This 22 Minutes Feels Like An Hour
[http://www.mothercorp.ca/hour22minutes/]
With A Fork And Knife Just Like The Rest Of Us – They’re Not Uncivilized, You Know!
“How Teenagers Consume Media”
– title of a research paper by Morgan Stanley
SOURCE: The Chronicle of Lower Education
[http://lowerchronicle.com/weekly/v55/i13/36a02601.htm]
Then, We Apologize To The Kenya For The Inconvenience
Suaad Hagi Mohamud was apparently not allowed to return to Canada from Kenya because an official didn’t believe that the lips on her face matched those in her passport photo. In response, Canadian officials have warned citizens that if you plan to travel abroad, do not get collagen shots on any part of your face.
“If your passport photo shows that you have thin lips or crow’s feet around your eyes, common sense would suggest that you not do anything to change them before traveling abroad,” stated Foreign Affairs Minister Lawrence Cannon. “If you have a problem in a foreign country, you’ll be on your own, because the government of Canada does not support human vanity.”
When it was suggested that the Canadian government should actually, you know, protect citizens abroad from unlawful detention, Cannon responded, “We can do that? I mean, wouldn’t it anger foreign governments? Really? We can do that?”
SOURCE: Toronto Startle
[http://www.thestartle.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=thestartle/Layout/Article_Type1&c=Article&cid=1088591531813&call_pageid=
968335498492&col=968267972154]
And, At What Point Did You Wake Up?
The Ugly Truth
starring Katherine Heigl and Gerard Butler
directed by Robert Luketic
Five minutes after meeting Gerard Butler, Katherine Heigl quits her job in television, renounces all material objects and human relationships and moves to Tibet, never to be heard from again. This leaves Butler to have sex with all of the female characters in the film, including a couple of old ladies who wandered onto the back of the set one afternoon. On his deathbed, he will realize that he did nothing of value in his life and feel achingly empty. But, uhh, that’s probably another movie…
SOURCE: Imaginary Movie Database
[http://www.imd.com/title/tt0026450/]
At Least You And I Are Constructive, Though, Right, Bill?
Have you seen people wearing these purple wristbands? They got the idea from a book called A Complaint Free World. Want to guess what that’s about? Apparently, when you hear yourself whining about something, you’re supposed to move the band from one hand to the other. This helps you stop whining. Somehow.
Stop whining? Seriously? Ninety per cent of bloggers would have to stop writing if they couldn’t whine!
SOURCE: Bill’s Bitter Pills
[http://bill.geekgoons.com/]
A Man Of Some People More Than Others
Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi talks to call girl Patricia D’addario:
PATRICIA D’ADDARIO: Oooh, daddy.
SILVIO BERLUSCONI: You mean that in the sense that, as Prime Minister, I am the father of the country…right?
D’ADDARIO: You were great last night.
BERLUSCONI: Yes, I was, wasn’t…I mean, of course. I have been thoroughly briefed on Italy’s position on international trade, and I was more than happy to discuss it with a constituent. In the middle of the night…
D’ADDARIO: In bed…
BERLUSCONI: Or, my office.
D’ADDARIO: But, mostly in bed.
BERLUSCONI: What can I say? I am a man of the people.
D’ADDARIO: You know how long it has been since I had sex like I had with you tonight…
BERLUSCONI: Ah. Yes. When you say “sex,” you are actually using code for how I crack down on criminal elements in society. Yes, many people feel good about how safe I am keeping them. Err, sometimes to the point of orgasm. I am that good.
D’ADDARIO: It’s several months, since I broke up with my boyfriend…
BERLUSCONI: Which, for anybody listening, and I am certain nobody is, is absolutely none of my business!
D’ADDARIO: Come romantico!
SOURCE: The Smoking Gut
[http://www.thesmokinggut.com/archive/1080963828602347053794637486482632cahs01.html]