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Enjoy,
The Daily Me staff
Give Me The Hard Right Or No Rights At All
Hard right Christians and vegetable enthusiasts throughout the country cheered when the American Congress voted overwhelmingly to have the feeding tube replaced in brain-dead Terri Schiavo, assuring her many more days of (plant) life. However, not nearly as commented upon were some of the other aspects of the bill, which include:
President George W. Bush rushed to Washington in the middle of the night to sign the bill into law, saying, “I prefer not to think of this as pandering to religious extremists – I call them my base.”
SOURCE: The Postington Wash
http://www.postingtonwash.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49881-2005Mar24.html
Internet search engine company Mamma.com has sent its auditors, PricewaterhouseCoopers, to bed without any supper. In the midst of a US Securities Exchange Commission investigation into trading activity irregularities, Mamma.com has appointed RSM Richter to be its auditor. In a bitchy letter to RSM Richter, PricewaterhouseCoopers complained, “Mamma.com always liked you best!”
SOURCE: The Financial Riposte
An Eight Year Old Child Could Answer This Question…I’ll Wait While You Find One
Which of these things is not like the other thing? Which of these things doesn’t belong?
A) Ralph Klein’s Conservative government in Alberta telling voters it would oppose to the death gay marriage, then throwing up its hands when told that marriage is a federal, not provincial, jurisdiction and saying, “Oh, well, we tried.”
B) United States President George W. Bush signing a law to keep Terri Schiavo eating through a tube in her stomach even though several courts said it could be legally removed, then throwing up his hands when the Supreme Court refused to hear an appeal of a lower court ruling that the tube could be removed and saying, “Oh, well, we tried.”
C) Leadership.
SOURCE: Sesame Seed Street
http://www.sesameseedworkshop.org/sesameseedstreet/games/flash.php?contentId=110241&
10:00 pm. CTV. Karygiannis and Del Grande. Canvassing door to door to find marijuana grow ops, Liberal Member of Parliament Jim Karygiannis and Toronto Councillor Mike Del Grande accidentally crash a Hell’s Angels organizing meeting. Hilarity ensues.
SOURCE: Ukrainian TV Guide
You Could Teach Escher A Thing Or Two About Perspective
I was going to write a column on how simple rules against self-dealing and exorbitant executive compensation would go a long way to reassuring the public that the corporate sector was serious about cleaning up corruption, BUT THEN THE SEX CIRCUS CAME TO TOWN! CEOS GETTING FIRED FOR HAVING CONSENSUAL SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH WOMEN WHO WORKED FOR THE SAME COMPANY BUT DIDN’T REPORT TO THEM! WHAT IS THIS – STALINIST RUSSIA? HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO CONVINCE THE BEST AND BRIGHTEST PEOPLE TO HEAD A CORPORATION WHEN THIS CORPORATE GOVERNANCE FAD – NO, INSANITY – WILL TURN THEIR PRIVATE LIVES INTO PUBLIC PROPERTY?
The next time anybody brings up the issue of corporate governance, ask them to get a little perspective.
SOURCE: The Financial Riposte
The Mind Boggles…And My Mind Is Not Easily Boggleable
Bankrupt JetsGo’s head honcho Michel Leblanc was upbeat about how the airline shut down in a newspaper interview. “Okay, on Friday morning, there were people who didn’t fly,” he stated. “But did you see any airport riots? Did you see 2,000 people in the terminal punching JetsGo employees?”
This sets a new standard for corporate customer relations. The next time a bank closes branches while adding a raft of new service charges, the moves can be considered a success if customers don’t tear up remaining branches with baseball bats. When an energy company’s executives have been charged with massive fraud, the company will still be in good standing if impoverished shareholders don’t take up a collection to hire a hit man.
RECOMMENDATION: invest in arms manufacturers.
SOURCE: The Financial Riposte
I do not want to wear that tat.
I do not want to wear that tat.
That is not where I am at.
I do not want to wear that tat.
I do not want to wear that hood.
I do not want to wear that hood.
It would not do me any good.
I do not want to wear that hood.
I do not want to wear those pants.
I do not want to wear those pants.
I would fall down when I went to dance.
I do not want to wear those pants.
I do not want to wear that ring.
I do not want to wear that ring.
My nose would look bad with that thing.
I do not want to wear that ring.
SOURCE: Poetry, Cornered
http://www.cibc.com/ca/personal/poetrycorner/16.html
What Have You Got Against People Enjoying Their Work?
According to a recent study, young Canadians interested in joining the military tend to be “lacking in life goals and feel alienated from society and its values” and “are attracted to violence more than the average member of Canadian society and accept violence as a legitimate means of getting what they want.”
We give these people weapons and show them how to use them?
SOURCE: Bill’s Bitter Pill’s
Making the rounds of American political chat shows, US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice insisted that she had no intention of running for President in 2008. The world breathed a sigh of relief.
Then, the world remembered all of Rice’s statements about weapons of mass destruction and started holding its breath again.
SOURCE: The Day To Day Show, with Jon Tudor
http://www.comedycentric.com/tv_shows/thedaytodayshowwithjontudor/headlines_pol.jhtml
International Accords For Dummies
Canada, the United States and Mexico recently signed a “sweeping accord” on a number of issues. (Not to worry: Mexican migrant labour will take care of the actual sweeping.) Deciphering the rhetoric in the accord can sometimes be difficult, but, if I was concerned with doing what was easy, I would write anti-Canadian screeds for The National Post.
Rhetoric: “Enhance the stewardship of the environment.” Your Wishful Interpretation: “Keep the air clean long enough for me to be able to afford the bottled stuff.” Real Interpretation: “Let American companies strip mine Yonge and Bloor if they think there’s anything of value under there, then let Mexicans sweep up the mess.”
Rhetoric: “Promote sectoral collaboration in energy, transportation, financial services, technology and other areas to facilitate business.” Your Wishful Interpretation: “Collaboration is such a positive word – who could possibly be against collaboration?” Real Interpretation: “Canada and Mexico will collaborate to fill America’s needs.”
Rhetoric: “Improve productivity through regulatory cooperation to generate growth, while maintaining high standards for health and safety.” Your Wishful Interpretation: “American economic growth, Canadian health and workplace standards, Mexico’s flexible workforce.” Real Interpretation: “Mexico’s health and workplace standards, Canadian economic growth and America’s increasingly inflexible workforce.”
Sounds like a great deal to me.
SOURCE: Karl’s Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism