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Condi Rice? Oh, You So Don’t Want To Go There!
Bush at War, Volume Four: Devolution
by Bob Woodward
too many pages
too many dollars
If volume three of Woodward’s massive Bush at War series threatened the cozy relationship the journalist has with the Republican administration, volume four is likely to sour it worse than a drunken Las Vegas hooker binge will destroy a marriage.
It is Woodward’s contention that the members of the Bush administration are devolving into primitive species. Karl Rove is an orangutang who throws his own feces at anybody who comes near him. Donald Rumsfeld is a gorilla who beats his breast and makes loud gibbering noises at anybody who appears to be encroaching on his territory. Dick Cheney is a chimpanzee who uses the butt of his rifle to expose ants. And, of course, Bush himself is a panda who sits in a corner looking cute but otherwise contributes nothing.
While scientifically dubious, Woodward claims that he is not being metaphorical, that a real physical devolution has taken place.
No wonder everybody at the White House has stopped returning Woodward’s calls.
SOURCE: Unread Book News
[http://217.204.41.13/cgi/NGoto/7/64982891?3515]
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Clear As A Poke In The Eye With A Sharp Stick
What’s all this I hear about people getting arrested for stockings? That’s just ridiculous! Many women wear stockings. Even I wear stockings! In fact, you wouldn’t know it to look at me, but I have been told that I have “fetching legs.” That was the phrase he used – “fetching legs.” Never you mind who said it. Anyway – if wearing stockings is a crime, where do we stop? Polka dot dresses? Plaid golf pants? I never met anybody who looked good in plaid golf pants, but that’s no reason to – what? What?! WHAT?!
Stalking? As in, following people around all the time and harassing them? Oh. That’s not very good. Who in their right mind would make fun of such awful behaviour?
Never mind.
SOURCE: The Emily Litella Remembered Page
[http://www.allaboutalex.wha/Domesday/EmilyRemembered]
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Ah, Sweet Mystery Of Television…
Becoming a fan of the show Lost is like having your first orgasm: you want it to last forever, but there’s a little voice in the back of your head telling you that that’s just not possible. Then, of course, you have to deal with the disappointment when it does end.
If there was any justice in the world, Lost would be the first television series to last forever. But, I suppose there are only so many things that can happen on a small island…
SOURCE: Ukrainian TV Guide
[http://www.tvguide.ua/listings/index.asp?referrerID=0&returnurl=%2Flistings%2Findex%2Easp%3F®Mode=0]
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Well, It Is Such A Fine Li – What Am I Talking About? No, It Isn’t
How can you tell a Republican from a Democrat?
When a Republican candidate loses an election, he blames it on his opponent. When a Democratic candidate loses an election, he blames it on himself.
And some people actually argue that there are no differences between the parties!
SOURCE: The Day To Day Show, with Jon Tudor
[http://www.comedycentric.com/tv_shows/thedaytodayshowwithjontudor/headlines_pol.jhtml]
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The Iron Fist In The Velvet Mickey Mouse Glove
Think you’re tough? You’ve crawled up the side of an active volcano on all fours with a Belgian Sheepdog on your back. You’ve run with the bulls, and you’ve only really trotted. You’ve played hide and seek with Steve Irwin in schools of Manta Rays. Think you’re tough?
Wimp.
If you want a real *xtreme vacation*, go the United States.
Thanks to new legislation that allows the President to detain any foreign national without writ of habeus corpus, every moment you spend in the country will be fraught with the possibility that you will disappear, never to be seen by friends or loved ones again. Will you go to Disneyland, Guantanamo Bay or a country like Syria, where the torture chambers always have room for one more? You won’t know until the black bag has been put over your head and you find yourself in a concrete room hours later!
The United States – the new extreme vacation destination that’s not for the faint of heart.
SOURCE: Saturday Night, Fevered
[http://www.saturdaynightfevered.ca/index.php]
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Let’s Look At The Leaders, Bored
George W. Bush
Spanked foreign tush
His government spoiled
For oil
Tony Blair
Didn’t care
To ask why
Neither do I
Stephen Harper
Is no carper
He gives in to demands
To send troops to foreign lands
Jalal Talabani
Doesn’t thinks it’s funny
That he can’t go alone
Outside the Green Zone
Hamid Karzai
Was pegged as our guy
But he gets all stroppy
When we destroy the poppy
Pervez Musharaff
Won’t support our war if
We don’t let him bomb
India to Kingdom come
SOURCE: Poetry, Cornered
[http://www.cibc.com/ca/personal/poetrycorner/148.html]
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See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Press Release No Evil
Senior Republican officials, up to and including House Speaker Dennis Hastert, are not denying that they knew that Florida Representative Mark Foley sexually solicited pages by email. In a touching display of party solidarity, most are using the “It’s Not My Department” Defense, then rolling over on the people above them.
Hastert, though, has taken a different approach. “Of course we kept Foley on as the Chair of the Exploited and Missing Kids Caucus,” Hastert explained. “Who better to see the signs of abuse than an abuser? Who better to counter the denials than one who has used them all?”
Then, he blamed Clinton and ran from the room.
SOURCE: The Postington Wash
[http://www.postingtonwash.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49831-2006Oct04.html]
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It Never Fails To Get A Laugh
Al-Qaida No. 2 Ayman al-Zawahri stated “What you have perpetrated against Khalid Sheikh Mohammed and the other Muslim captives in your prisons and the prisons of your slaves in Egypt, Jordan, Pakistan and elsewhere is not hidden from anyone, and we are a people who do not sleep under oppression and who do not abandon our revenge until our chests have been healed of those who have committed aggression against us. And we, by the grace of Allah, are seeking to exact revenge on behalf of Islam and Muslims from you and your soldiers and allies.”
In response, Indiana Jones took out his gun and shot the man.
SOURCE: USA Whenever
[http://www.usawhenever.com/news/international/2006-10-02-empty-threats_xy.htm]
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