Thank you, Doris “Hoppy” Daye, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, we thought about Donald Trump’s threat to make Canada the 51st American state. It sounded good to us. We mean, who needs publicly universal health care when we can risk bankruptcy by getting a hangnail? Umm…okay, bad example. Who wants stable federal government when their country can be led by a narcissistic madman whose only interest is in enriching his friends and punishing his enemies? We’ve got a few enemies we would like to punish, we can tell you that! Henh henh. Of course, if we are put on the list of enemies of somebody more powerful – like, say, a political leader who does not appreciate journalists who don’t toe his line – umm, yeah. That wouldn’t be good. But at least the price of eggs will be cheaper than it…err, than it would uhh, be…
Can somebody please explain to us why any Canadian would welcome our American overlords?
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
Election Interference: The Next Generation
DONALD TRUMP (2025): “If it was up to me, I would prefer Mark Carney to be elected Prime Minister of Canada. That Pierre Poilievre guy, he’d be a tough negotiator and would always put Canada first. Carney? He’s weak. A pushover. He has conflicts of interest. His election would be better for the United States.”
VLADIMIR PUTIN (2020): “If it was up to me, I would prefer Joe Biden to be elected President of the United States. Donald Trump would be a tough negotiator and would always put the United States first. Biden? He’s weak. A pushover. He is going senile. His election would be better for Russia.”
ADOLPH HITLER (1939): “It it was up to me, I would prefer Paul Reynaud as Prime Minister of France. Marshall Pétain – a war hero – would be a fierce negotiator and would always put the interests of France first. Reynaud? He’s weak. Easily manipulated. Corrupt. His election would be better for Germany.”
SOURCE: Politics For Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/home.asp?did=1097&dir=bb]
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Waiting For Gadot
A Play Nobody Wants To See…
Gal Gadot has received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Unfortunately, her joy and gratitude at the unveiling of the star was overwrought and unconvincing.
SOURCE: Entertainment Right Now
[http://www.entertainmentrightnow.com/mini/smug2025/2025/03/23/annabananafeefiefofanna/]
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You Think Musk Is A Great Businessman? Oh, Put A Stock In It!
Elon Musk held an emergency meeting with all Tesla employees in which he ordered/begged them to not sell their stock in the company (depending upon who does the telling). When an employee asked him why they should hold on to their stock when many of the major shareholders in the company have already dumped their stock, he responded: “Troy? Is that you? I mean, are you still working here? I thought I fired you months ago. Get out. Get out right now. Don’t bother collecting your things – we’ll auction off anything of value and send you whatever’s left.”
Musk went on to argue that it would be in the best interest of the company’s employees to hold on to their stock; he predicted that it would soon rise to new heights in value, and they could take that to the bank (figuratively or literally depending upon who does the telling) because he was very good at predicting things. When an employee asked him why, if he was so good at predicting things, self-driving cars weren’t already travelling across the country, he responded, “Helen? Is that you? I thought I fired you before I fired Troy! Begone with thee, foul wench! And never darken my door again!” After a pause he added, “Don’t bother collecting yada yada yada – we’ll…you know the drill.”
SOURCE: Wall Street Infernal
[http://online.wsi.com/article/0,,SB113362197491121647,00.html?mod=home_whats_new_which_u]
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The Continued Existence Of Hospitals In Gaza Is A Terrorist Ploy – Damn Hamas!
Isreal bombed Nasser Hospital, the largest medical facility in Gaza, on Sunday night. The attack killed one person, injured many more, and caused a large fire in the surgical building, where dozens of injured people had been taken after Israel renewed bombing Gaza after abrogating the ceasefire.
This came as a surprise to many people. After bombing Gaza for over a year and a half, who knew it still had a functioning hospital?
SOURCE: The Baghdad Post
[http://www.baghdadpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49881-2025Mar24.html]
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Sad Tale Puts The Grieve Back In White Grievance
Afrikaner William Putzer said, “All I have ever known is discrimination against white people.”
When it was pointed out that white South Africans make up only seven per cent of the population but own half the country’s land, Putzer responded, “When I was born, we made up only five per cent of the population and owned 60 per cent of the country’s land! Talk about oppression!”
When it was pointed out that violent crime against whites has not risen since the end of apartheid, Putzer responded, “But you know Blacks want to – you can see it in their eyes! If it weren’t for my dozen body guards, I would constantly feel unsafe!”
When it was pointed out that a law that allows the government to take private land in the public interest, sometimes without compensation, has never actually been used, Putzer responded, “Okay, fine, but it’s only a matter of time before the law is used. You could say that I have been subjected to pre-discrimination – and that’s the most horrific kind of discrimination of all!”
SOURCE: The International Colophon Cleanser
[http://icc/new]
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True, But It Gains In Flavour
“Snow loses magic when it’s yellow”
– Toronto Star
SOURCE: Billy-Bob’s International House O’ Headlines
[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=1500476658]
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Change You Can Be Aggrieved In
MARK CARNEY: I’m the change candidate. When I became leader of the Liberal Party, I changed several of its long-standing policies. Admittedly, they are now much closer to the Conservative Party’s policies, but if this is a change election, I can claim to be the change candidate.
PIERRE POILIEVRE: No, I am the change candidate. When I became leader of the Conservative Party, I changed several of its long-standing policies. Admittedly, they are now much closer to the UCP’s policies, but if this is a change election, I can claim to be the change candidate, not that pathetic, corporate shill Carney. See? Even my tone is a change!
JAGMEET SINGH: Actually, I’m the change candidate. Can you spare some change for a candidate?
SOURCE: Glob and Maul
[http://www.globandmaul.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20250322.eladvote0322_@/BNStory/newsOops2025/]
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