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Corruption Nothing To Crow About
Three billionaires lounge on the deck of a yacht.
Sipping a Bud Light, Harlan Crow crows, “Buying a Supreme Court Judge for a couple million bucks was the best investment I ever made!”
Gulping champagne, Peter Thiel squeals, “I spent ten million bucks on JD Vance, but I’m thrilled to have a Vice President in my back pocket!”
Healthily drinking Amstel, Elon Musk tsks, “Gentlemen, is that the best you can do? I bought myself an honest to god President, and all it cost me is forty-five million dollars a month for the next four months!”
Thiel sniffs. “You overpaid,” he comments.
Musk bristles. “You think so?” he demands. “Why do you think that?”
“Trump isn’t going to survive the next four months, let alone the next four years,” Thiel explains. “He’ll probably have a massive heart attack and flop face-first into a hamburger. That’s what passes for poetic justice with this clown. And that will open the door for my boy JD to become President. He would have been a bargain at twice the price!”
As the two men follow their own thoughts, they cannot help but notice Crow grinning at them. “Okay,” Musk testily asks, “what’s that about?”
Crow good-naturedly replies, “You know neither of them has a hope in hell of winning the popular vote. If I hadn’t bought influence on the Supreme Court, neither of your investments would be worth the spit to blow them to kingdom come!”
Thiel nods thoughtfully. Musk wonders, not for the first time, if he can get out of a deal that looks more and more like a loser.
SOURCE: Bill’s Bitter Pills
[http://bill.geekgoons.com/]
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Whitewash. Spin Cycle. Repeat.
BREAKING: Joe Biden has withdrawn as the presumptive Democratic nominee for the 2024 election!
“I…I was shot!” former President Donald Trump said.
Sorry, but that was days ago. How will President Biden’s withdrawal affect the race?
“I was shot in the ear!” Trump insisted. “I may never regain full hearing in that ear!”
It’s not like you ever used it to listen. BREAKING: President Biden just endorsed VP Kamala Harris for President!
“Sure, I listened! I was the best listener of any president in the history of the United States – every historian says so! All that talk about bringing the country together at the Republican convention? That came from me! Listening!”
Yeeeeeaaaaah. Right. Except nobody believes it. The question now becomes: who will be Harris’ running mate?
“But it’s true! If I’m elected, my Republican government will work for everybody, including the working man. We will, in fact, be the party of the working man!”
Yeah. No. That lie is an especially hard one for anybody who has been paying attention to stomach. BREAKING: Harris tops $81 million, mostly from small donors, within 24 hours of announcing her campaign for president.
Hunh! That’s what I get for accelerating the news cycle!
SOURCE: Politics For Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/home.asp?did=1089&dir=bb]
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“Wait. Did He Say…Trump Has To Win?”
“Can You TRY Not To Be Antisemitic In Front Of The Israeli Prime Minister?”
Excerpt from the speech Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu gave to a joint session of the American Congress: “…killing children in Gaza as fast as we can, and, with America’s help, we will finish the job! (standing ovation) Hunh. You’ll applaud anything, won’t you? How about this? We will force Palestinian prisoners to stand on their heads until blood starts gushing out of their ears. Because Israel has a right to defend itself! (standing ovation) Friends was a terrible television show that should never have lasted as many seasons as it did…because Hamas is an existential threat to Israel! (standing ovation) Donald Trump must win the 2024 election because any other outcome would be antisemitic! (standing ovation) Americans! You’re my people!”
SOURCE: Drew’s Transcript-o-rama
[http://www.transcript-o-rama.com/bibibibibibibibi.shtml]
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Who Would Have Thought They Would Have So Much Fun On Colour Coordinated Concrete?
“Beaches of the Future Are Going to Surprise Us”
– New York Times
SOURCE: Billy-Bob’s International House O’ Headlines
[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=1805542755]
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Through A Spokeself, Santa Declined To Comment
After four years in development, Google is dropping plans to eliminate cookies from its Chrome web browser.
“Everybody loves cookies,” Anthony Chavez, vice president of Privacy Sandbox, said in a blog post. “They’re a sweet treat we give ourselves at the end of the day. Who doesn’t want that? And…and…and we give cookies to Santa when he comes down the chimney at Christmas. Without cookies, all he would get is milk, and who would want to visit every Christian house in the world just to get a lousy glass of milk? Besides, advertisers hated the idea. So, rest easy, Santa; cookies are here to stay!”
SOURCE: Geekly News & World Report
[http://www.geeklynews.com/geeklynews/issue/110711/geeklynews/01websurfershahaha.htm]
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Are We Having Fun Yet?
SOURCE: The Amazing Chocolate Yummies Blog
[http://www.chocoyummies.net/]
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Racism And Gun Violence
Core Family Values, Really
“We want to promote the types of virtues that exist in Kyle Rittenhouse.”
– JD Vance
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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Radical Pro-animal Agenda – No Longer Just A 90s Punk Band!
Debris from the launch of Elon Musk’s Starship is suspected to have damaged wildlife in a sanctuary near the Texas site. This is just the latest event at the X space compound which has threatened nearby wildlife, including species considered endangered.
In response to criticism of his space efforts, Musk TweetXed: “Animals are a plot by the far left to control our freedoms. Don’t give in to the Democrats and their radical pro-animal agenda!”
SOURCE: Earth Worst! Journal
[http://www.earthworstjournal.org/article.php?id=544]
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Trump Responded: “White Male Privilege? What’s Wrong With White Male Privilege? This Country Was Founded On White Male Privilege, And If It Was Good Enough For George Washington, It’s Good Enough For Me!”
Let’s be honest: Donald Trump was a white male privilege hire. If he hadn’t been white, male and rich, he would never have been allowed anywhere near the Republican presidential nomination. Was he the best person for the job? Hee-yell, no! Lots of better qualified Blacks, LatinXs and women were passed over for the job, hell, weren’t even considered.
I’m Kamala Harris, and I approved the hell out of this ad!
SOURCE: Ad Meek
[http://www.admeek.com/A&W/national/article_display.jsp?nuvu_content_id=1407059524]
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