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Don’t Even Bother Asking About Jagmeet Singh, Because You’ll Only Hear About Mike Pence’s Role In The Ukraine Extortion!
Asked about the Liberals’ carbon tax on the campaign trail, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau saDid he just? Oh, no, he didn’t! Oh, yes, he did! President Trump just doubled down on his threat to withhold much needed military aid to Ukraine if the country didn’t open an investigation into Democrat Joe Biden and his son Hunter. The President did it out in the open on the lawn of the White House! Has he no shame‽ At long last, has he no shame‽
Meanwhile, having been revealed to have dual American-Canadian citizenship, Conservative leader Andrew Scheer has said that he is in the process of renouncWha – did he just – nooooooo! President Trump went on to ask China to investigate the Bidens. You know, the country Trump has started a massive trade war with? Yeah, that China! This…this is beyond crazy. This is…purple!
These days, it’s tough trying to have an election next door to the United States.
SOURCE: Ottawa Stunned
[http://www.canoodle.com/NewsStand/OttawaStunned/News/2019/10/05/509727.html]
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Not Even The Craziest This Week
British Prime Minister Boris Jo-hack! John-gaack! Boris Jo-Jo-Jo-Jo – sorry, we’ll never get used to saying that. The British Prime Minister has outlined his government’s latest plans for the Irish border when Brexit is finalized.
The Conservative Party would build a large black box along the border between Ireland and England. Goods would be placed in one area on the inside side of the box. Large sums of money would be placed in another area inside of the box. The producers of either the goods or the money would run around inside the black box grabbing as much as they could carry before exiting. Messy? Sure. But, because it was happening inside a black box, nobody would ever know just how messy.
The European Union is not enthusiastic about the plan, although sources have said that EU leaders believe that it is not the craziest idea the British have suggested.
SOURCE: Daily Semaphore
[http://www.opinion.semaphore.co.uk/opinion/main.jhtml;sessionid=M5UF23LWOLFFPQFIQMFSM5WAVCBQ0JVC?nextPage=/DUereDE/wXeR.WZvwF?7wF~/DUereDE/s007/Os/14/JD141O.7wF!2qZiiv~/DUeReDR/
s119/Os/14/e7DUeReDR.ZvwF!2iG3gimmygi2Z~vg3i&resize=null&_requestid=20073]
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If You Want To Know How He Will Use Power, Listen To The Cat’s Pur Laine
1954) During the final minutes of a campaign debate, Bloc Quebecois leader Yves-Francois Blanchet said that voters in the province should “choose men and women qui vous ressemblent, who share your values, who carry your preoccupations and who work for your interests, for the interests of Quebecers. Only of Quebecers.” What does the phrase qui vous ressemblent mean in this context?
a) who look like you
b) who are like you
c) whatever you need it to mean, mon cher, as long as we can get your vote
2019) Are leaders’ debates the best place for such open racism?
a) yes – the more public the racism, the better the YouTube videos
b) no – racism should go back to constituency meetings where it belongs!
c) what year is it again?
SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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The Canadian Journalism Foundation Is Run By Chipmunks With Bad Breath Who Are Jealous That Hampsters Get The Best Toys!
See How Easy Fake News Is?
The Canadian Journalism Foundation has launched a campaign called “Doubt It?” which aims to educate Canadians about fake news.
“This is an outrageous attack on our freedom of speech!” grunted Alternate Reality News Service Editrix-in-chief Brenda Brundtland-Govanni. “Fake news is every bit as much of an art form as Vogon poetry and filling out a tax return! We’ve been doing it for decades, and I still have all of my own teeth! Honestly, nobody should support this attack on such a venerable institution!”
When we pointed out that the campaign targeted foreign troll farms and bots that made up political news in order to influence Canadian elections, Brundtland-Govanni put her slapping gloves back in their drawer in her desk and stated, “Pfft! Amateurs!”
SOURCE: Alternate Reality News Service
[http://www.arns.com/sinbin?id=30072641310071314007fx]
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Who Knew Eternity Came With A Time Limit?
“Forever 21 shuttering its stores in Canada”
– Toronto Star
SOURCE: Billy-Bob’s International House O’ Headlines
[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=1007633007]
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Not Leaking Unwanted Fluids Important In A National Leader
Canada’s federal party leaders will take to the national stage on Monday for the only English-language debate of the 2019 campaign that will be attended by all of the party leaders. The Toronto Startle and other media organizations are producing two debates this week. Here’s a look at – the English debate and French debate – sorry for the confusion – here’s a look at some of the challenges for each leader:
Maxime Bernier
People’s Party
> MUST: Walk a fine line between supporting “true” Canadians and their culture, and engaging in anti-immigrant racism.
> MUST NOT: Drool.
Yves-Francois Blanchet
Bloc Quebecois
> MUST: Walk a fine line between supporting “true” Quebecers and their culture, and engaging in anti-immigrant racism.
> MUST NOT: Admit that he’s only in the race to remind Canadians (defined as “people who live outside Quebec”) that the province only remains in Confederation on sufferage, and will leave as soon as the transfer payments run out. At least, not admit it in so many words. Not drooling would also be a plus.
Elizabeth May
Green Party
> MUST: Hammer home the Party’s environmental message.
> MUST NOT: Talk about any other issue, because, honestly, talking about issues other than the environment is not exactly the Green Party’s strong point.
Andrew Scheer
Conservative Party
> MUST: Look confident and Prime Ministerial.
> MUST NOT: Talk about the Party platform. You know, because of the whole “confident and Prime Ministerial” thing. ALSO: drooling is definitely out.
Jagmeet Singh
New Democratic Party
> MUST: Promote the Party’s values as if it had a hope in hell of winning the election.
> MUST NOT: Give in to the temptation to wipe the drool off the chins of other candidates. Honestly, they’re only embarrassing themselves; he doesn’t need to call attention to the fact. People will know.
Justin Trudeau
Liberal Party
> MUST: Remind voters of the Liberal Party’s record.
> MUST NOT: Remind voters of the Liberal Party’s record.
SOURCE: Toronto Startle
[http://www.thestartle.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=thestartle/Layout/Article_Type1&c=Article&cid=1007591831813&call
_pageid=968330078492&col=968666972007]
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