Thank you, Darius “Honky” Spelonky, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, we read that billionaire Richard Branson planned on using his personal spaceship to escape the bounds of gravity days before billionaire Jeff Bezos planned on using his personal spaceship to escape the bounds of gravity. And, we thought this was exactly like the United States/Russia space race, except – hee hee – without the nuclear weapons.
We said: we thought this was exactly like the United States/Russia space race, except without the nuclear weapons. Because they’re just private citizens and, and, and they don’t have nuclear weapons. So, it’s not really like the US/Russia space –
Oh, great. Now, we’re going to have to take sedatives if we are to have any hope of sleeping tonight!
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
In Fact, Naming The Political Party Involved May Have Been Too Much Information
We Are Currently Consulting With Our Lawyers For A Ruling
A Republican member of congress attacked Democrats for reasons that have no basis in reality. The Republican was trolling and, while the fact that they were trolling is newsworthy, who they are and what they said is not.
Yes, this is how news works these days. We blame…somebody.
SOURCE: The Postington Wash
[http://www.postingtonwash.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49881-2021Jul04.html]
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Said The 59 Year-old Child
“We are awaiting the release this hour of Chicago Police bodycam footage that captured the fatal police shooting of a young 13 year-old man by the name of Adam Toledo.”
– Fox News Anchorhole Sean Hannity
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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Keep The Nightmare Alive!
The Southern District of New York (known to its friends as SDNY) has indicted the Trump Organization and its CFO Allen Weisselberg on 15 counts of tax fraud and other financial naughtiness. In response, former President Donald Trump accused SDNY of being “rude, nasty and totally biased.”
The absurd ironyometer…didn’t react. No artistic spit takes. No long, drawn-out, theatrical sighs. Nothing. I think four years of the Trump administration finally broke it, but I’ll have to take the AI into the shop to be sure.
Maybe the Trump administration really was responsible for the death of irony!
SOURCE: Big Alex’ Domesday Countdown Page
[http://www.allaboutalex.wha/Domesday/new]
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I Have Worked With Known Knowns And Personally Know Known Unknowns, And You, Sir, Were No Unknown Unknown!
Former Secretary of Defence and State Donald Rumsfeld has died at the age of 88 of multiple melanoma (because one wasn’t enough to kill him). Stuff happens.
SOURCE: Obits ‘R Us
[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
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Irony Is The Death Of Moral Authority
Lucky For Them The Absurd Ironyometer Is In The Shop!
CATHOLIC CHURCH: “Human life must be respected and protected absolutely from the moment of conception. From the first moment of his existence, a human being must be recognized as having the rights of a person – among which is the inviolable right of every innocent being to life.”
INDIGENOUS LEADERS: “Tell us about it!”
SOURCE: Religion For Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/entertainmentfordummies/economicsfordummies/religionfordummies/home.asp?did=567&dir=bb]
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Would That Have Been Chef Nyland Castaway?
Last week, I was invited to dine on cicada sushi. My first thought was: Are you nuts? You want me to eat…bugs? Yuck! As was my second thought. My third thought was close to m first two, but with more profanity. My fourth thought had nothing to do with food, but my fifth through twelfth thoughts contained varying degrees of skepticism about cicada sushi.
Then, the chef preparing the meal told me that cicadas represented summer and rebirth in Japan. Summer and rebirth? I’m old enough that I could use a big dose of those (especially the second one). Bring the bugs on!
SOURCE: Ukrainian Foodies
[http://www.foodies.ua/listings/index.asp?referrerID=0&returnurl=%3Flistings%3Findex%3Easp%2F®Mode=0]
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The Modern Republican Party: Where Critical Race Theory Meets Uncritical Race Fact
Which would you rather have: a shameful history or a shameful present? For House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy, the answer is obvious: somebody else’s shameful history is a distraction from his party’s shameful present.
What exactly is Critical Race Theory? Nobody knows! Okay, except maybe for a couple of university law professors – but it’s not like anybody listens to them! Not even their students! That’s the beauty of Critical Race Theory – it can be whatever you need it to be!
Auditors think some of the expenses you claimed on your last tax return were bogus? Blame Critical Race Theory! Your dentist unhappy with all your cavities? Tell her Critical Race Theory forgot to brush your teeth regularly! Police want to question you for a robbery that happened at a grocery store near you? You’re innocent, you swear – it was Critical Race Theory whut done the job!
As far as this layperson can tell, Critical Race Theory doesn’t teach that race is the primary means of judging a person’s character (a bit of projection may be going on there). And Critical Race Theory advocates are not segregating classrooms (a lot of wishful thinking may be going on there). Mainly, it teaches that the laws of the country should be scrutinized for racist motivations and effects.
That’s not really helpful for politicians like McCarthy, who denies the racist basis of the US, so “the Critical Race Theory did it” it is. It sure beats having actual policies.
SOURCE: Karl’s Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
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Those Who Deny History Just Make Dundasses Of Themselves
MATT: Rename Dundas Street just because Henry Dundas delayed Britain’s abolition of slavery by 15 years? Seriously? If we renamed every street that was named after a controversial historical figure, do you know what the result would be?
PAT: A city that wasn’t constantly reminding people of colour of their second-class citizenship?
MATT: No! The only names left for streets would be birds and trees! Birds and trees, Pat!
PAT: I live on Elm Street, Matt, so you’re talking to the wrong person.
MATT: Yeah, okay, I can see that. But…but…but, think of all the signs that would have to be changed, all of the maps, all of the addresses – has anybody given any thought to how much all that would cost?
PAT: Renaming a few streets would cost less than paying black people reparations for all of the harm Canada’s complicity in the slave trade caused them. A hell of a lot less.
MATT: There you go, again, spoiling a perfectly good rant with logic!
SOURCE: This 22 Minutes Feels Like An Hour
[http://www.mothercorp.ca/hour22minutes/]
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