Thank you, Cuc Ogier, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, we did a little calculating (and, when we say we did a little calculating, we really mean we looked it up on Google) and realized that the first issue of Action Comics featuring Superman and Lois Lane came out 75 years ago! Seventy-five years – can you believe it? Lois doesn’t look a day over 30!
Oh, what we wouldn’t give to live in comic book time…
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
It May Not Be A Popular Position, But – POW! POW POW!
But We…Gurgle Gurgle…We Really Belie – Be – B – Aaaarrgh!
The United States Senate has voted in favour of more massacres such as that in Newton and attacks on politicians such as Arizona’s Gabby Giffords. Although a vote tightening up gun control laws had 54 votes, a threatened Republican filibuster killed the bill deader than the 20 children and six educators at Sandy Hook Elementary School.
“Today, we have won a great victory against the opponents of gun violence,” exulted minority leader Mitch McConnell. “This brings us one step closer to our dream of shootouts on every street of every city of every state in the country!”
SOURCE: Cleveland Wheeler Dealer
[http://www.cleveland.ca/enter/index.ssf?/living/wheelerdealer/index.ssf%3fu/base/news/1448749897263016.xml]
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Don’t Like The Fact That He Was Once A Teacher? At Least He Was Doing Something Socially Useful Before HE Went Into Politics…
INT. MATERNITY WARD – DAY
LONG SHOT of babies in cribs in the maternity ward of a hospital, slowly ZOOMING IN on a particular baby.
NARRATOR: Canada is at a critical point in its history. Yet, who do the Liberals choose to lead them through the crises that beset us? Somebody who isn’t even out of diapers!
CLOSE UP of the face of Justin Trudeau superimposed on a child’s body. MUSIC: strings from Psycho.
NARRATOR: When terrorists attack our cities, do we really want a leader who will go crying for his mommy? When fiscal collapse threatens the world economy, do we really want a leader who is in the middle of taking his nappies? When environmentalists are getting uppity, do we really want a leader who needs to suck on a pacifier to calm himself down?
A “REJECT” stamp loudly clangs on the image.
NARRATOR: No. No, we do not.
ANNOUNCER: Paid for by the Creating Unflattering Imagery To Destroy Our Political Opponents Coalition and the Harper Government of Canada (Ssshhhh).
SOURCE: Ad Meek
[http://www.admeek.com/A&W/national/article_display.jsp?nuvu_content_id=2073452606]
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Cheap Shot?
Tiger Woods was given a two stroke penalty at the Masters – did ya hear about this? Yeah, he improperly replaced his ball on the fairway after it landed in the water. But, I, ahh, don’t see what all the fuss was about. After all, it’s not like it was his first suspicious lay…
SOURCE: Late Tonight with David Lenoman
[http://marketing.ubs.com/latetonight/latetonightshow/monologue]
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Who Looked Like George Clooney
Hey! A Rhetorical Device Can Dream, Can’t It?
According to a federal watchdog, the Canadian Human Rights Tribunal became a toxic place to work due to its Conservative-appointed chair, who harassed, screamed at and spied on staff between 2009 and 2012.
If it was human, the Absurd Ironyometer would be forever grateful that it had been born a wealthy white male.
SOURCE: Big Alex’ Domesday Countdown Page
[http://www.allaboutalex.wha/Domesday/new]
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Our Drones Do Not “Target” Civilians, So Any Terror They May Create Is Purely Accidental
“Any time bombs are used to target civilians, it is an act of terror.”
– United States President Barack Obama
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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January 21, 11am To 2pm: Napped, Because, Dammit, THAT’S WHAT PEOPLE WANT ME TO DO!
In response to criticism that his daily logs show that he has been doing less and less as his term has progressed, Toronto Mayor Rob Ford has said, “I’m just doing what people want me to do.”
He has a point. The less he does, the less likely he is to do something dumb, embarrassing and/or generally destructive to the city’s interests – a lot of people want that.
SOURCE: The Matrixxx
[http://www.thematrixxxto.com/news/local/how-to-make-ford-look-awesome/]
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Which Is: Facts Make Lousy Cover For What Politicians Want To Do, So Who Needs Them?
A seventh grade student has found fundamental flaws in an influential 2010 economic study by Carmen Reinhart and Kenneth Rogoff. For one thing, the years 1968, 1998 and 2006 seem to be missing from the economists’ calculations. For another, whenever they add two and two, their answer ranges from seven to 13.
“It is sobering that such errors slipped into one of our papers, despite our best efforts to ensure that nobody ever noticed them,” the authors said in a joint statement. “We do not, however, believe these regrettable slips – including the ones nobody has yet discovered – affect in any significant way the central message of the paper.”
SOURCE: The Financial Riposte
[http://www.canada.com/national/nationalwhippingpost/financialriposte/story.html?id=49dbacd7-ff63-4f4f-9f10-a5eb4cc6a637]
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Better To Read Miranda To Politicians Who Don’t Understand Citizen’s Rights
“The last thing we may want to do is read Boston suspect Miranda Rights telling him to ‘remain silent.'”
– Republican Senator Lindsey Graham
SOURCE: Ending Trending Web Site
[http://endingtrending.blurgh/a-rock-and-a-right-wing-place-the-sequel/]
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Aren’t You Forgetting That Vital Cornerstone Of Democracy: Making Poor People Pay For Support Programmes For The Wealthy?
The Harper Government of Canada is turning up the heat on Liberal leader Justin Trudeau for his comment that it’s important to find the “root causes” of terrorism.
“Terrorism is best fought from a position of ignorance,” argued Prime Minister Stephen Harper. “Knowledge only gets in the way of torturing people and waging wars, and isn’t torturing people and waging wars what democracy is all about?”
SOURCE: Toronto Startle
[http://www.thestartle.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=thestartle/Layout/Article_Type1&c=Article&cid=
1061691831810&call_pageid=668335270012&col=364376972154]
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Maybe When He Was In Power He Should Have Paid More Attention To The Hundreds Of Spammy Emails Offering To Help Him Buy Friends
Former Pakistani Military ruler Pervez Musharraf took to Farcebook to defend himself after his arrest in connection with an incident where he fired senior judges while in power. “Yo, my peeps,” Musharraf wrote, “fightin teh good fight against power and their bogus allegations. B strong. Keep faith. Shout out to my brothers in Rush – good on ya for making the rock and roll hall of fame!”
Okay, that last bit may have been somewhat pandering.
It is estimated that Musharraf only has three friends on Farcebook, so how much this post helped his cause is open to some debate.
SOURCE: The Postington Wash
[http://www.postingtonwash.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49881-2013Apr21.html]
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