Thank you, Conrad Connubial, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, Liberals. We have always been of the opinion that Liberals are corrupt, but Conservatives are evil, so we were not too put out by the results of the Canadian election. Prime Minister Trudeau – hmm, where have we heard that before? You know, before voting day we got a flyer from our local Liberal candidate exhorting us to get out to vote and telling us where the polling station was; unfortunately, the address was wrong. Hmm, corrupt and incompetent. Not a combination that inspires confidence.
Still, not evil.
Ask us if we feel the same way about these election results four years from now…
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
Then, You Can Bet The Conservatives Won’t Ever Do THAT Again
“Campaign was very good for democracy”
– Globe and Mail
SOURCE: Billy-Bob’s International House O’ Headlines
[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=1301035578]
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Guaranteed To Leave A Bad Taste In A Majority Of Voters’ Mouths
Conservative Anti-Trudeau Radio Ad Recipe
INGREDIENTS
One Trudeau quote taken out of context
A second Trudeau quote taken out of context
One string of four random words said by Trudeau strung together that make no sense
One laugh that sounds like a braying hyena
One three second clip of discordant sounds: could be the screeching of a subway car’s brakes slowed down; could be a crowd gasping with the bass turned to 11
INSTRUCTIONS
Mix ingredients in big editing suite. Dish should go down like harsh medicine that tastes like sweat socks and desperation. Serve cold, between a – if you’ll pardon the expression – liberal sprinkling of ads featuring the Stephen Harper Calm Talk Bombe (see recipe on page 37 of Lynton Crosby’s Devilishly Tasty Concoctions Cookbook).
Serves 31% of the Canadian population.
SOURCE: Politics For Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/home.asp?did=857&dir=bb]
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They Barely Scratched The Surface, But There’s Only So Much You Can Fit On A Two Album Set
New from K-Tel: Ben Carson’s Greatest Hits! That’s right! All of the Republican presidential hopeful’s most bizarre pronouncements captured in a single place for your listening pleasure.
You’ll be tapping your toes to the classic, “I would not just stand there and let him shoot me. I would say, hey, guys, everybody attack him. He may shoot me, but he can’t get us all.”
Sing along with, “The likelihood of Hitler being able to accomplish his goals would have been greatly diminished if the people had been armed.” Or, just close your eyes and let nostalgia for the days of the Revolutionary War sweep over you.
And, how will you ever forget, “You know Obamacare is really I think the worst thing that has happened in this nation since slavery. And it is in a way, it is slavery in a way, because it is making all of us subservient to the government, and it was never about health care. It was about control.” (If you actually know of a method for forgetting this, please inform us at your earliest possible convenience!)
Ben Carson’s Greatest Hits: order your copy now, before the Obama administration makes it illegal and sends everybody who owns one to a concentration camp!
SOURCE: Ad Meek
[http://www.admeek.com/A&W/national/article_display.jsp?nuvu_content_id=1063852774]
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Other Conservatives Were Involved In This Election? I Don’t Recall Seeing Them In Public Debates…Or In Radio Or Television Ads…Or On The Stree – Are You Sure Other Conservatives Were Involved In This Election?
“My opponents talk about me rather than the issues… This election is not about me.”
– former Conservative Prime Minister Stephen Harper
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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“Too Soon” Gets A Whole New Meaning
The National Hispanic Leadership Agenda has sent a letter to they CEO of NBC Universal demanding that it cancel Donald Trump’s invitation to host Saturday Night Live. The group, which includes 40 civil rights and public policy groups, objected to the Republican Presidential hopeful’s remarks about illegal immigrants.
In response, Executive Producer Lorne Michaels responded, “Could you resend the letter closer to the November 7th air date? Don’t get me wrong – I appreciate your help in publicizing the show. But it would be most effective around November 3rd. Thanks.”
SOURCE: Ukrainian TV Guide
[http://www.tvguide.ua/listings/index.asp?referrerID=0&returnurl=%2Flistings%2Findex%2Easp%3F®Mode=0]
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Next Year In Jerusalem!
(Thankfully, No Longer In Canada)
In a closely contested race in York Centre, Conservative MP Mark Adler was beaten by Liberal Michael Levitt. Now, Adler can have as many photographs of himself taken at the Wailing Wall in Jerusalem as he wants…just like every other tourist.
SOURCE: NOW and THEN
[http://www.now&thentoronto.com/news/story.cfm?content=264032]
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I’ve Heard That Soldiers Are Always Fighting The Last War, But This Is Ridiculous!
A group of military veterans is stepping up to support Stephen Harper’s Conservatives. “We wanted to counter the impression that all veterans are unhappy with the way we have been treated by this government,” said Lee Humphrey, a retired cavalryman claiming to speak for a group called United Veterans of the War of 1812.
“I thought there should be a voice that represents -” Humphrey started.
Wait a minute! You fought in the War of 1812?
“With distinction,” Humphrey proudly puffed up.
But, that would make you over 200 years old!
“So? I’m a vet and a senior citizen. All the more reason for my voice to be heard!”
SOURCE: Vancouver Stunned
[http://www.canoodle.com/NewsStand/VancouverStunned/News/2015/10/16/509727.html]
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The World Is Such A Disappointment To The New Russian Tsar
President Vladimir Putin has been crowing about the results of Russian airstrikes in Syria.
“POW! POW! KAPOW!” Putin shouted lustily. “Buildings being reduced to rubble all over the place! Explosions! Fire! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! Blood blood blood blood blood! Blood everywhere! Blood and guts! Blood, guts and other body parts! Everywhere! That’s what I’m talking about!”
Putin blinked a couple of times and added, “What? Can a man not take pride in his work?”
SOURCE: Daily Semaphore
[http://www.opinion.semaphore.co.uk/opinion/main.jhtml;sessionid=M5UF23LWOLFFPQFIQMFSM5WAVCBQ0JVC?nextPage=/DUereDE/wXeR.WZvwF?7wF~/DUereDE/s119/Os/14/JD141O.7wF!2qZiiv~/DUeReDR/s119/
Os/14/e7DUeReDR.ZvwF!2iG3gimmygi2Z~vg3i&resize=null&_requestid=56403]
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Bright Canadian Future Goes Up In Smoke
The day after the election of a majority Liberal government, Depravities ‘R’ Us opened combination brothels/marijuana shops on corners in major cities across Canada, and in Oakville. “Hey, do you wanna…you know…uhh, do something with me…somewhere – I think, maybe…uhh, who are you and what was I talking about, again?” scantily clad women had started soliciting passersby in the front of buildings designed to look like they were falling apart.
“I tried to warn you,” said former Oakville Conservative MP Terence Young, “but did you listen? Nooooooooooooooooo!”
SOURCE: Alternate Reality News Service
[http://www.arns.com/sinbin?id=32792641063641888687fx]
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