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The Other Moral Majority – Now, That Has A Ring To It!
An American faith-based group has opened a Christian think-tank in Canada, one which expects to be heard by the Harper government. They might have had better luck if they hadn’t named it “Focus on the Family North.”
SOURCE: aye Weakly
Rappers Don’t Kill People, People Kill – No, Wait, Rappers Are People, Too, Aren’t They?
The usual suspects are opposed to a proposed ban on gun ownership. And, they have a point. If thugs don’t have guns, they’ll just throw gangsta rap CDs at each other, and nobody wants to be responsible for the carnage that would entail!
SOURCE: Toronto High Life
http://www.torontohighlife.com/thismonth/subcategory.cfm?subtitle_id=214
And They All Apologize For Forcing Me To Satirize Them
Upon his release from hospital, Harry Whittington, whose face looks like the surface of the moon, apologized to Vice President Dick Cheney for spoiling their hunting trip. “I know what buckshot can do to flesh,” he stated. “I don’t know what prompted me to throw myself in front of the Vice President’s gun at precisely the moment he fired.”
Not to be outdone, prisoners in Abu Ghraib have apologized to the United States for forcing it to go to the expense and trouble of torturing people who don’t know anything. They aren’t allowed to talk to reporters, but if they were, they would probably say something like, “Our lack of information has put you in the position of forsaking the civil protection of due process and embracing inflicting suffering on others – we are so, so sorry we have put you in this position.”
In addition, there are rumours that the Reverend Jesse Jackson is planning to apologize on behalf of blacks for forcing the early United States to adopt a policy of slavery.
SOURCE: The Postington Wash
http://www.postingtonwash.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49872-2006Feb21.html
So Far, So What?
An Ipsos-Factos poll taken five minutes after Paul Martin’s concession speech reveals that a majority of Canadians approve of the performance of Stephen Harper so far. “The new Prime Minister is getting a fair amount of latitude to run the country,” Michael Underhill Factos stated in a press release sent out five minutes after the poll that was conducted five minutes after the election was conceded.
If he can keep this positive feeling, Harper and the Conservatives should be able to get a lot done in this minority government.
SOURCE: The National Whipping Post
Roll Over Beethoven, And Tell Mike Chertoff The News
Congress is up in arms about a plan to allow the United Arab Emirate Dubai to buy a British company that runs the ports in six major American cities.
President George W. Bush said he fully supported the sale, having thoroughly looked the deal over.
The President added that he will veto any legislation that would interfere with the sale.
President Bush said the United Arab Emirates was a valuable partner in the war in terror.
Supporters of the deal accused its opponents of being racist.
SOURCE: Politics For Dummies
http://www.politicsfordummies.com/home.asp?did=297&dir=bb
Beats Going Out And Trying To Meet New Ones
So, Lionhead Studio’s PC game The Movies makes bad movies. Go figure. That makes it an accurate reflection of Hollywood, I guess. But, I figured out a way to turn it to my advantage.
One of the features of the game is called Starmaker. It allows you to completely determine the look of the actors. So, I figure I can make all my actors look like girls who dumped me, and then make them star in really bad movies.
This game is turning out to be much more satisfying than I could possibly have imagined.
SOURCE: Geekly News & World Report
http://www.geeklynews.com/geeklynews/issue/060201/geeklynews/01freddie.htm
Failing World Class
Throughout the last decade, pundits have worried that Canada’s role and stature in international affairs has substantially diminished. True, we have never been more than a middling power, but our perceived moral authority used to allow the country to take a leading role in international relations. Does it still?
No need to worry. The Justice Department is objecting to the release of information contained in the final report of the commission looking into federal complicity in Maher Arar’s deportation to – and torture in – Syria, citing “national security” concerns.
Aaah, national security. If anybody has any doubt that Canada is a full citizen on the world stage, they need only know this: Canadian officials have started citing national security to cover their sorry asses. Truly, we still have what it takes.
SOURCE: Canada: Still A Country?
http://www.irritationnation.ca/whattolook at.asp?ID=2784765-24-7/
Damn Those Comedy Fundamentalists!
Since first invading that country, the Bush administration has repeatedly denied that the American experience in Iraq was similar to the American experience in Vietnam. And, finally, there is proof: in Vietnam, the United States only had one enemy that was prepared to use violence to get us to leave the country; in Iraq, it has three.
Talk about being out of touch! President Bush praised Iraqi democracy the day a curfew had to be put in place to curb violence in the aftermath of the bombing of a Shiite mosque. Okay, okay, maybe I’m being a little hard on the President. After all, I remember when a daytime curfew was put in place throughout America to curb violence in the aftermath of the release of Death to Smoochy.
SOURCE: The Day To Day Show, with Jon Tudor
http://www.comedycentric.com/tv_shows/thedaytodayshowwithjontudor/headlines_pol.jhtml