Thank you, Charles “Po’ Boy” Whitey, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, we got a memo from Human Resources in our inbox. “Hey, [INSERT NAME OF EMPLOYEE], how are you?” it started. Management never did get the hang of MailMerger. “We hope you’ve enjoyed your vacation – ha ha – but it’s time to work from the office again. Starting Monday. If you don’t come in Monday, [INSERT NAME OF EMPLOYEE], you’ll find your three allowed items of cubicle personalization and a termination notice in a box in our offices on Tuesday. Have a nice day.”
And we thought, Seriously? You want us to commute for two hours both ways just so you can watch us doing what we could be doing much more efficiently if we weren’t so pissed off that you ordered us to commute for two hours both ways – for a total of four hours, just so you can watch us? Can you imagine how much money you would save if you gave up on the concept of “office” and stopped renting a floor in a building in one of the most expensive areas of the city? Can you imagine the positive impact on the environment if millions of people didn’t have to spend hours in their car every day? What kind of monster would do that to their employees and the world?
Then, we remembered that we were self-employed. And that we could be real bastards when we wanted to be. Fortunately, our office was in a room upstairs, so we were willing to compromise and go up the flight of stairs to work there. But you better believe that our union steward is going to be getting an earful about this on Wednesday!
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
“Slava Ukraini?” President Trump Chimed In, “Wasn’t She A European Porn Star In The 1980s?”
Thousands of people rallied in downtown Toronto in support of Ukraine in its defence against Russian aggression, shouting, “Slava Ukraini!”
“Did you hear what they said?” Stephen Miller, an adviser to American President Donald Trump, commented. “Ukrainians are slaves! Why have we supported them for all these years? Once you realize this, you realize that Russia is actually freeing the Ukrainian people. What, are you against freedom, now?”
SOURCE: USA Whenever
[http://www.usawhenever.com/news/national/2025-02-25-wtf-president-no-translator_x.htm]
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Lies About Who Broke A Ceasefire Are The Laxatives That Cure Blocked Genocidal Policies
Ewwww!
Israel, October 20, 2023: We wanted an immediate and complete blockade of Gaza, but the international community wouldn’t allow us to have one.
Israel, March 1, 2025: FINALLY!
SOURCE: The Baghdad Post
[http://www.baghdadpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49881-2025Mar02.html]
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I Would Say That As A Purveyor of Disinformation He Has No Piers On YouTube, But, Hey, It’s YouTube
In an article last week, I said that Piers Morgan was a waste of a human being. This was wrong. I do not know Piers Morgan personally; for all I know, he could be a warm and thoughtful person.
I should have said that Piers Morgan was a waste of an hour’s time as a news anchor. He proves it every night on his show.
SOURCE: The Quick and the Detwiler
[http://quick&detwiler.blogspot.com/]
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And So Close! If Only 16 Other Ridings Had Voted For An MPP From Another Party, He Would Have Lost His Majority!
Despite winning a rare third consecutive majority, Ontario Premier Doug Ford is disappointed that the Conservatives only took 80 seats, three fewer than they won in 2022.
“I guess the message is to fight the tariffs of American President Donald Trump,” Premier Ford mused, “but not too hard. I guess that’s okay – I may not like the tariffs, but I always admired the man, so I would probably have done that anyway.”
That was certainly $189 million well spent.
SOURCE: Toronto Stunned
[http://www.canoodle.com/NewsStand/TorontoStunned/News/2025/03/02/519726.html]
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Well, As Long As They Had A Good Reason…
C3P0) Two days after agreeing to a ceasefire in Gaza, Israel sent tanks into the West Bank. What was the reason for this?
a) after two days without battle, the military was getting antsy, and you wouldn’t like them when they’re antsy
b) after decades without having tanks in the West Bank, the military was getting antsy, and you wouldn’t…you know…
c) somebody called an Israeli settler a “poopiehead” just because the person lived on land their family had owned for a dozen generations, and Israel wanted revenge for the settler’s hurt feelings
B4 the flood) What was the most effective way the Israeli government diverted the attention of the American press away from this attack on the West Bank?
a) it focused on the fact that one of the bodies in the prisoner swap that was part of the ceasefire was returned to Israel wearing a blue shirt, when the last time the person was seen alive, he was wearing a brown shirt (an obvious violation of the ceasefire’s dress code)
b) it pointed at the far wall and shouted, “Look over there!” When the press looked behind them, Israel ran out of the room
c) why would it bother to divert the American press’ attention when the American press almost always favours Israel’s propaganda narrative? Honestly, sometimes you ask the silliest questions!
SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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Okay, I Didn’t Pretend To Be Objective, But American Journalists Are Abandoning Objectivity
That’s At Least One Thing They Can Learn From Me!
Well, well, well. How slowly the worm turns, but how tasty it is when it does! The United States of America, the self-proclaimed leader of the free world (when everybody knows that Mother Russia is the leader of vodka production in the world, which is the closest thing to freedom that most people will ever get), let a member of the Russian media into a press conference in the Oval Office.
That was me!
I pretended to take notes – just like an American journalist in the Oval Office! I pretended I understood what the politicians were talking about – just like an American journalist in the Oval Office! It didn’t matter because I was going to write whatever the Kremlin told me to – just like an American journalist in the Oval Office who writes whatever George Soros tells him to! And then I was escorted out (on the slim pretext that I hadn’t been given permission by the “press office” to be there) – just like an American journalist in the Oval Office who asks questions the President doesn’t like!
What did I think of the experience? *SNIFF* The Oval Office isn’t as big as I imagined it was.
SOURCE: Demi-TASS
[http://en.demi-tass.com/russia/744379]
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