Thank you, bronson sunwei, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, we read about the blogger whose identity was revealed by Google because a fashion model she had written mean things about complained (as if one could write anything so mean that it could defame a fashion model!), and, with much sobbing, moaning and clutching of comfort pillows to our collective bosom, we expressed mild concern over deteriorating privacy on the Internet. Could this lead to…communication with our readers? Ewwwww! That could only result in bad things. Very, very bad things. We were about to march into the publisher’s office demanding that our contact information never be revealed to readers or law enforcement officials when somebody pointed out that it had already been published on the Daily Me More About Us Than You Could Ever Imagine Wanting To Know page.
We resolved to drink less coffee before coming to work.
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
Forget War! We’re Beyond War! – The Apocalypse On Drugs
Eighty-three per cent of Canadians have been taken into custody and charged with drug offences after traces of cocaine were found on bills in their wallets and purses. At least 2 per cent of the population suspected of being involved in the drug trade is still at large.
The RCMP have requisitioned empty warehouses to deal with the overflow from jailhouses. Most of the people arrested were not able to make bail owing to the fact that their lawyers were arrested with them.
Parliament could deal with this overzealous application of drug laws…if four fifths of MPs hadn’t found themselves in jail.
SOURCE: The Irrational
[http://www.mc.ca/stories/2009/08/18/cocainemutiny090818]
Tough Call
According to The Week magazine, if you get your mobile phone wet, taking out the batteries and immersing the handset in rice could save the phone. On the other hand, trying to use it and letting the phone short circuit could save your sanity.
SOURCE: Geekly News & World Report
[http://www.geeklynews.com/geeklynews/issue/090817/geeklynews/01hacienda.htm]
Serves Hundreds Of Thousands For A Couple Of Weeks
Recipe for an indie romantic comedy:
1 kooky, quirky actress (Zooey Deschanel, or, if you want cred with an older audience, Parker Posey)
1 television actor looking to change his image
4 “character actors” in scene stealing small parts
10 songs by bands that are famous in your neighbourhood, but not beyond
2 classic songs (for the older audience)
1 animated sequence
1 musical sequence
mix up time frame
repeat dialogue as necessary
SOURCE: Imaginary Movie Database
[http://www.imd.com/title/tt0028450/]
Try To Tell That To A Modern Republican
“You are entitled to your own opinion, but not to your own facts.”
– the late Senator Daniel Patrick Moynihan
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
And Tibias…And Femurs…And Spleens…
DEV SEZ: Sure, I’m generally a pacifist. It just makes sense to me that if you want to win over people’s hearts and minds, you probably shouldn’t be destroying their livers…and gall bladders…and intestines…and spinal cords and…
SOURCE: Devin’s Heaven Blog
[http:heaven.devsez.blogspeck.com]
Would It Be Anti-Semitic Of Me To Suggest That This Whole Piece Is Anti-Semitic Of Me?
Differences between Americans and Canadians #327: when Palestinian-Americans are not allowed to enter Israel proper, being sent to occupied Gaza or the West Bank instead, the US government calls the policy unacceptable and demands that all US citizens be treated equally. When Palestinian-Canadians are treated that way, the Canadian government quietly asks what it can do to help.
SOURCE: This 22 Minutes Feels Like An Hour
[http://www.mothercorp.ca/hour22minutes/]
It Could Be Worse: If He Had Seen 9 ½ Weeks, He Would Have Been Finished As A Critic
Pat Ozymandias will not be writing about any movies this week. He mistakenly went to see 9 when he was supposed to see Nine, and he needs some time to recover.
SOURCE: Imaginary Movie Database
[http://www.imd.com/title/tt1078350/]
Ya Think?!
“JAGUAR LAND ROVER
Axing ‘Baby Jag’ fells 300 jobs”
– Toronto Star
“FOREST PRODUCTS
Stora Enso to shut mills, axe up to 1,100 jobs”
– Globe and Mail
“JAPAN AIRLINES
Struggling carrier may cut 5,000 jobs”
– Toronto Star
“GENERAL MOTORS
6,000 more workers take voluntary payoffs”
– Toronto Star
“Verizon eyes 8,000 job cuts as profit falls”
– Globe and Mail
“Jobs lagging recovery”
– Globe and Mail
SOURCE: Billy-Bob’s International House O’ Headlines
[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=137153638]
Same Song, Different Rendition
0 moral scruples) The Obama administration has continued the Bush administration policy of kidnapping people on foreign soil and delivering them to third countries to be tortured (referred to in polite society as “renditions”). But, it has promised that the worst abuses of the Bush rendition programme will be curtailed. How is Obama renditioning different from Bush renditioning?
a) detainees will not be forced to sing Mitzi Gaynor’s “I Will Survive” while wearing gorilla suits as they wait in the airport terminal for their flight
b) potential victims (or, as those sensitive souls who write for the editorial page of The Wall Street Journal prefer to call them: the worst of the worst/terrorist scum in the universe) will be told that Obama is fulfilling his campaign promise of “chump change you can believe in”
c) it’s orange
SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
more
We’ve Entered The Balsillie Season
Despite the collapse of Chicago sports entrepreneur Jerry Reinsdorf’s bid to buy the Pheonix Coyotes, the National Hockey League has a plan to keep the team out of Canada. It will now be purchased by a toy hamster named The Great Zapf Dingbat.
“We believe this step was necessary at this time in order to best preserve and maximize the value of the club asset for the benefit of the club’s creditors and for the community of Glendale,” NHL Deputy Commissioner Bill Daly said in a statement. “Besides, The Great Zapf Dingbat isn’t any toy hamster – it’s made of injection molded plastic – very solid – and its eyes light up when it hears its name.”
Jim Balsillie refused to comment, although he could be seen standing in a corner rolling his eyes with disbelief.
SOURCE: The Schwartz Sports Report
[http://www.schwartzsportsreport.com/ssr-news.shtml#56258138761]
Sensitive Reviewers You’ve Got There…
Gerbil McManus will not be writing about any movies this week. She mistakenly went to see Nine when she was assigned to see 9, and she needs some time to recover.
SOURCE: Imaginary Movie Database
[http://www.imd.com/title/tt1078352/]