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And, If Obama Himself Was Pregnant, He Would Be Attacked For Putting His Unborn Child Through The Stress Of A Campaign
vile Republicans + servile press + rank hypocrisy) If Barack Obama had a pregnant, unwed 17 year-old daughter, what would the Conservative press be saying about the situation?
a) we applaud the presidential candidate’s family values, but otherwise this is nobody’s business but the people invol – aww, who are we kidding? How can Osama – sorry, hee hee – Obama lead the country when he can’t even control his own children?
b) this is just another example of “inner city” values (wink wink, nod nod – we said WINK WINK, NOD NOD, asshole – don’t you know how to read coded messages?)
c) oh, hee hee, haw haw, ho ho – wait til you see the t-shirt!
SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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Oh, (Fuck) The Humanity!
Do you sometimes find yourself wavering emotionally in the face of images of people suffering from AIDS? If so, use the following chart to remind yourself of why G-d believes your sympathy is misplaced:
| gay man | they’re an abomination in the eyes of god and deserve to suffer |
| intravenous drug user | if they had any self-control, they wouldn’t have gotten the disease |
| woman who knew her partner had it | Sodomites were condemned in the bible, and that’s good enough for me |
| woman who didn’t know her partner had it | Eve tempted Adam with the apple of knowledge in the Garden of Eden, so this woman deserves what she gets |
| newborn child of woman who had it | we are all born into sin, so…oh, well… |
SOURCE: Bigots Without Borders
[http://www.bigotswithoutborders.org/]
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With Friends Like These, Who Needs Al Qaeda?
“John McCain – 9/11 – understands the need – 9/11 – for strong leadership – 9/11 – in times of – 9/11 – international turmoil – 9/11. He understands – 9/11 – that the United States – 9/11 – has enemies – 9/11 – that cannot – 9/11 – be vanquished – 9/11 – by platitudes!”
– former New York mayor Rudy Giuliani, addressing the Republican National Convention
“You know, my pappy once told me a tale of a clever rabbit that got skinned and eaten by an unscrupulous…uhh…a wolf, you know, and whenever I think of Barack Obama, I…I…I – oh, god, do you think they’ll let me back on Law and Order?”
– former actor Fred Thompson, addressing the Republican National Convention
“Yeah, sure, I heard the rumours that Karl and the boys were pushing me for the VP slot and McCain chose that hellcat instead. But, I’m not bitter. Why would I be? I’ve still got my movie star looks and incredible wealth. Just because some senile old coot passed me over for VP? Vote for McCain because Obama’s the anti-Christ. Thanks and good night.”
– Mitt Romney, addressing the Republican National Convention
“What’s the big deal about John McCain not remembering how many houses he owns? We all forget petty details at important moments in our lives. Sure, sure we do. The important thing to keep in mind is that Barack Obama is the elitist in this campaign!”
– Mike Huckabee, addressing the Republican National Convention
SOURCE: Daily Semaphore
[http://www.opinion.semaphore.co.uk/opinion/main.jhtml;sessionid=P5UF23LWOLFFPQFIQMFSM5WAVCBQ0JVC?nextPage=/DUereDE/wXeR.WZvwF?4wF~/DUereDE/s119/Os/14/JD141O.7wF!2qZiiv~/DUeReDR/s119/Os/14/e7DUeReDR.ZvwF!2iG3gimmygi2Z~vg3i&resize=null&_requestid=21213]
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It Sounds Better If You Imagine It In The Voice In Your Head
In a world where movies are judged to be successes or failures on the basis of their opening weekend grosses, and their opening weekend grosses depend on the advertising campaigns that preceded them, and those advertising campaigns are dominated by the trailers shown in movie theatres and on television, he was a giant. Now, Dan Lafontaine is dead, and studio executives are scared.
SOURCE: Obits ‘R Us
[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
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So, That’s All Right, Then
People have complained that a journalist should not call a long-term senator and presidential candidate “Line-faced McCrankee-Pantz.” I couldn’t agree more.
But, then, it’s me doing the calling, and, as everybody knows, I’m not a journalist, I’m just a fictional character parodying a satirical comedian pretending to be a journalist.
SOURCE: The Day To Day Show, with Jon Tudor
[http://www.comedycentric.com/tv_shows/thedaytodayshowwithjontudor/headlines_pol.jhtml]
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Because Who Doesn’t Go To University To Meet A Fictional Time Traveler?
Friday. 9pm. Dr. Who. The Doctor spends five minutes at Cambridge for no discernible reason other than they asked him very nicely to.
SOURCE: Ukrainian TV Guide
[http://www.tvguide.ua/listings/index.asp?referrerID=0&returnurl=%2Flistings%2Findex%2Easp%3F®Mode=0]
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He Did Some Of His Best Work In Cities, Too
“Jesus was the original community organizer”
– t-shirt you should see every Democrat wearing, but probably won’t
SOURCE: Michelle’s Obscure Pedantry Page
[http://www.MichellesOPP.ca/blogger.html]
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I Always Confuse Sarah Palin With Michael Palin, But, You Have To Admit, HE Would Have Injected More Fun Into The Campaign
Republican apologists are arguing that Sarah Palin, John McCain’s choice for Vice President, knows about foreign affairs because, as governor of Alaska, she was close to Russia. Are they serious? OMFG, THEY’RE SERIOUS!
Okay, listen up, Republican apologist assholes! That’s like saying that I should be Vice President because I once read War and Peace! Only, I didn’t even read War and Peace, I read the Coles Notes version! Only, I got bored after the first 10 pages, so I watched the movie version instead! Except, that was pretty boring, too, so, after 20 minutes, I fast forwarded to the battle scenes and watched the last 10 minutes! QED!
I know you’re counting on winning over the “low information” voters, but, really! This could only possibly appeal to the “no brainwave voters!”
SOURCE: Listen Up, Asshole
[http://www.(^!$%!$#_)!(*)!*)*)*#%!&&%(.com/index.html]
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Plug Pulled, Country Down Drain
The Conservative government has called for an election in Canada to be held on October 13. The Conservatives are undoubtedly counting on Liberal supporters to be so dazzled by the American election that they forget to vote, giving the Tories a majority.
In response to the Conservative strategy, Liberal leader Stephane Dion responded, “Isn’t that Barack Obama something? He really knows how to energize vo – sorry, did you ask me about…something?”
SOURCE: Glob and Maul
[http://www.globandmaul.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20080908.eladvote0908_@/BNStory/newsohCanada!2008/]
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