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The Daily Me – Arthur Carlson

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Thank you, Arthur Carlson, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, we thought: we don’t know you. Why are we going to so much trouble to give you what you want? Let’s face it: for all we know, you could be laughing at us even as you’re reading this. “Ha ha ha,” you might be saying to yourself. “Those idiots are putting so much effort into The Daily Me, and I don’t even read it! Suckers! Straight into the delete bin with you! Ha ha ha!” Oh, is that really what you think? Well, then…then…then, fuck you, too, asshole!

Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff

Police State, The Obvious

The Surete du Quebec admitted that it had used undercover officers to incite violence at the recent anti-Three Amigos protests in Montebello. They might have weathered the storm when videos of the agents were posted on YouTube, but when the Globe and Mail wrote in a strongly worded editorial that “weirdo anti-globalization hippie freaks may, in this specific instance and not in any way prejudicing any past or future police actions, have had a point about police provocation,” well, the spray painting was on the wall.

Police officials have said that they intend to review the tactics used at the summit. They want to ensure that this never happens again. That the police provoke violence? No, that they are captured doing it on video.

In a weirdly related story, the Alberta Energy and Utilities Board has admitted it has hired private investigators to infiltrate a group of landowners who oppose a planned power line. ‘I know it looks bad,” Bob Curran, spokesman for the Energy and Utilities Board stated, “But at least our spies didn’t wind up on YouTube.”

SOURCE: This 22 Minutes Feels Like An Hour

[http://www.mothercorp.ca/hour22minutes/]
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And, If It Should, Should It Take His Place On The L. A. Galaxy?

The smallest dinosaur could reach speeds of nearly 65 kilometres per hour, and even the Tyrannosaurus Rex would have outrun most modern sportsmen according to a study published yesterday.

Typically, science gives us facts, but doesn’t tell us what to make of them. Okay, so T. Rex could outrun David Beckham, but should T. Rex outrun David Beckham?

SOURCE: The Schwartz Sports Report

[http://www.schwartzsportsreport.com/ssr-news.shtml#55238133882]
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A New Definition Of “Ponying Up”

BET YOU DIDN’T KNOW: that Hillary Clinton comes by her love of corporate sponsorship honestly. When she was three years old, Texaco bought her a pony, and the gifts have been pouring in ever since.

Vote Wisely. Vote Informed.

SOURCE: Ignorance Is Bliss

[http:ignorance&bliss.blogspeck.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=thestartle/Layout/Article_Type1&c=Article&cid=1088591831813&call_pageid=968335278492&col=968666972154]
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Good Thing Those Teeth Weren’t Her Favourites

Holy crap! Lori Petty knocked two of my teeth out!


Lori Sin – Petty! Lori Petty! The calm before the storm.

It was at Dragon*Con in Atlanta. She was signing autographs at one of the tables in the Walk of Fame. Lori Petty! Tank Girl! She was just sitting there, right? So I walked up to the table and told her, like, how much of a fan I was. Cause, like, everything I know about being a grrrl I learned from Tank Girl.

Okay, it didn’t help that I called her Lori Singer. Five or six times. Hey! I was nervous! Lori Si – Petty, Lori Petty was a huge idol of mine when I was growing up – under these circumstances, you might get a little confused, too!

Anyway, I told her that, although most people hated Tank Girl, I really loved the movie. Only, I didn’t get to the part about loving the movie because she had already leapt over the table and thrown me to the ground. She only got one punch in before Gil Gerrard pulled her off me. Or, it might have been Erik Estrada – I was preoccupied at the time, and subsequent reports differ.

Anyway, that punch dislodged two of my teeth. I’m not sure if I should bronze them or, maybe, I don’t know, go for gold plating. I mean, LORI PETTY KNOCKED TWO OF MY TEETH OUT AT DRAGON*CON! HOW COOL IS THAT? IT WAS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!

SOURCE: Jennifer’s Brain Blorts

[http://weblogger.brainblorts.home.html]
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Because His Administration Has The Grace Of A Wingless Swan?


“This business about graceful exit just simply has no realism to it whatsoever.”

– President George W. Bush on Iraq


SOURCE: No Comment Quotes

[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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Stupid People Go To Baghdad, Crazy Motherfuckers Go To Teheran

WHITE HOUSE: The Iranian Revolutionary Guards is a terrorist organization.

YOU: What makes them a terrorist organization?

WHITE HOUSE: They engage in terrorist activities.

YOU: How do you define terrorist activities?

WHITE HOUSE: Activities engaged in by the Iranian Revolutionary Guards.

YOU: That’s circular logic. It doesn’t make –

WHITE HOUSE: Are you a terrorist sympathizer?

YOU: URK!

SOURCE: Politics for Dummies

[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/home.asp?did=507&dir=bb]
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Gooble Gobble, Gooble, Gobble, One Of Us…One Of Us…

The Assault on Reason
Al Gore
Penguin Press

Al Gore wants to make you feel like an idiot. Why else would he write a book that quotes Abraham Lincoln, Thomas Paine, John Kenneth Galbraith, Walter Lippmann, Johannes Gutenberg, Thomas Jefferson and Marshall McLuhan – and that’s just in the introduction?

Clearly, Gore doesn’t have enough respect for Americans to treat them like the idiots that they are. He should do what more experienced pundits do: talk down to Americans using simplistic, alarmist arguments bolstered by dubious facts.

Only then will we take him seriously.

SOURCE: The O’Meilly Factor

[http://www.foxynews.com/story/0,2933,96261,90.html]
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As If A Small Detail Like That Would Stop Him

BET YOU DIDN’T KNOW: that Karl Rove retired from the White House to write a book on politics. Unfortunately, The Prince had already been written, so he went on TV talk shows to make fun of Hillary Clinton instead.

Make your vote count. Be informed. That way, at least when you throw your vote away, it will have been an informed waste.

SOURCE: Ignorance Is Bliss

[http:ignorance&bliss.blogspeck.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=thestartle/Layout/Article_Type1&c=Article&cid=1088591831813&call_pageid=968335268492&col=968666972154]
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Astute Reader Spots Out Of Context Quote, Is Bludgeoned To Death By Badgers For Trouble

In an otherwise excellent article about sex reassignment surgery, Margaret Forgonee mischaracterizes something I told her in an interview. Yes, I did say, “They’re disgusting and shouldn’t be allowed to be out in public.” However, I wasn’t talking about transsexuals, I was talking about journalists who twist quotes to make them conform to the journalist’s preconceived prejudices on a subject.

SOURCE: Glob and Maul

[http://www.globandmaul.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20070902.eladvote0902_@/BNStory/lettersCorrec…Correc…Ohdontmakeussayit2007/]
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