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REMEMBER: Consuming Former Soviet Socialist Republics Is Like Consuming Peanuts: You Can Never Stop At Just One!
Russian President Vladimir Putin has declared the liberation of Ukraine a resounding success.
“We have freed Russians from the jackboot of Jewish Nazism pressing ever more firmly on their spleens!” President Putin exulted. “Men wept openly and unashamedly. Women threw roses at our valiant troops and swooned. Which admittedly affected their aim, the swooning, but it was the thought that counts. And the thought is: freedom!”
SOURCE: Demi-TASS
[http://en.demi-tass.com/russia/744316]
Because, Boiled Down To Their Essences, Everything Aspires To The Smell Of Victory
1der why) Small grey pellets made from shredded diapers have been added to the asphalt of a highway in Wales. Why would anybody put used diapers into highways?
a) they want voters to believe that creating critical infrastructure is child’s play
b) they want voters to understand how often they think of them as children
c) landfills are overrated
2 funny for words, but words are all I have) Pellet proponents have pointed out that the new highway doesn’t smell like poop. What does it smell like?
a) despair over the future
b) steampunk hyacinth
c) …victory
SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
more
They Could Just Be Uncertain Of Where They Are But Reluctant To Ask For Directions…
THE BAD NEWS: A 40 mile long convoy of Russian military vehicles is approaching the Ukrainian city of Prybirsk.
THE GOOD NEWS: Because they have been idle for over a year and poorly maintained, many of the vehicles have broken down.
THE BAD NEWS: The vehicles that still work can drive around them.
THE GOOD NEWS: Rasputitsa, a Russian term for seasons of the year when travel on unpaved roads or across country becomes difficult owing to muddy conditions from rain or melting snow, began a week early this year, making it almost impossible for Russian military vehicles to drive off the road.
THE BAD NEWS: Mechanics have been dispatched to fix the vehicles.
THE GOOD NEWS: Many of the working vehicles in the convoy are out of fuel.
THE BAD NEWS: Russia still has long-range missiles that can hit targets anywhere in Ukraine.
THE GOOD NEWS: Erk!
SOURCE: Politics For Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/home.asp?did=1029&dir=bb]
Making Fun Of McConnell Is Like Shooting Turtles In A Barrel, But Somebody Has To Put Them Out Of Our Misery
Oh, no he di’nt! Oh, yes, he di’!
Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell wants for a Supreme Court nominee by a Democrat what he denied nominees by Republicans: accountability. After all, wasn’t it McConnell who greased the ass of Amy Coney Barrett to get her confirmed a mere ten days before a national election? (Yes, I know that’s an image that’s going to say with you a long time. You’re welcome.) And when asked if he really had the nerve to force the nomination of reprobate frat boy Brett Kavanaugh through the Senate, wasn’t it McConnell who replied, “Hold my beer?”
On the Boebert Scale of Political Atrociousness (where one represents heckling a Presidential address to Congress and ten represents enthusiastically sharing a stage with a Nazi), McConnell only rates an eight. Still, this is more than enough to earn him a luxury condo in the Basket of Deplorables. It must be nice to know that there is a warm welcome waiting for you after you have retired from the job of taking a flamethrower to your country’s democracy.
SOURCE: Karl’s Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
Vanity Fairer Than That
The Ontario government will no longer include hiring targets for disadvantaged groups in its agreements for provincial transit projects. Does this mean that disadvantaged minorities will no longer be able to work on highways through their communities that they will be able to drive on?
“Absolutely not!” stated Premier Doug Ford. “They’re probably going to be toll highways, so disadvantaged minorities won’t be able to work on highways through their communities that they won’t be able to drive on. You can’t say fairer than that!”
SOURCE: Toronto Stunned
[http://www.canoodle.com/NewsStand/TorontoStunned/News/2022/03/02/509727.html]
Glasses Won’t Help
An Electron Microscope Seems Called For
Where’s Merrick?
Martin Handford
Little Brown Elephant & Co.
34 pages
Where’s Merrick? is a book of puzzles wrapped in a series of cartoons enfolded into a political allegory. Or is it the other way around? It’s a book of layers is what I’m saying. Lots and lots of layers.
On one page, you will find a drawing of the Senate Committee investigating the January 6 insurrection, complete with aides, witnesses and the press. Can you find Attorney General Merrick Garland among them?
Another page contains a drawing of the Georgia grand jury, which is investigating possible election interference by former President Donald Trump and his associates. Can your eagle eyes find Attorney General Garland among all the lawyers, jurors and witnesses?
I must have mud hen eyes, because I haven’t been able to find the Attorney General in any of the scenarios depicted in the book. But then, my eyesight isn’t what it used to be…
SOURCE: Unread Book News
[http://217.204.44.92/cgi/NGoto/2/64382861?3518]
“You Obviously Haven’t Got The News,” The Soldier Stated. “Unfortunately, I Left The Pamphlets In The Pocket Of The Pants In My Other Tank…”
Ethnic Russians in Ukraine are not hailing the invading forces of Russia as liberators.
“Yeah, no,” said Sergei Holomodor, a Russian Spot and Rex welder living in Donetsk. “A young Russian soldier – I swear he looked like he was twelve years old – came to our door yesterday. He asked me how it felt to be liberated. I told him we were already free before he got there. He said I had been brainwashed. I told him I would feel freer if Russia would stop bombing my country. He called me an ingrate and slapped my face…before asking if I had any coffee. This invasion is very confusing!”
SOURCE: Daily Semaphore
[http://www.news.semaphore.co.uk/news/main.jhtml;sessionid=M5UF23LWOLFFPQFIQMFSM5WAVCBQ0JVC?nextPage=/DUereDE/wXeR.WZvwF?7wF~/DUereDE/s119/Os/14/JD141O.7wF!2qZiiv~/DUeReDR/s119/Os/14/
e7DUeReDR.ZvwF!2iG3gimmygi2Z~vg3i&resize=null&_requestid=72939]