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The Daily Me Staff
Okay, let me see if I got this straight. The first American plan was to install a Viceroy or something to control Iraq. Ayatollah ali-Sistani called for a general protest and that plan was scrapped. Then, there was some weird kind of caucus deal that was also rejected by ali-Sistani and his followers. So, a democratic vote was actually the third option pursued by the United States after Iraqis gave the bird to the first two, and President George Bush is allowed to spout on about bringing democracy to the Middle East?
Listen up, journalist assholes: if you don’t start doing your job, people are gonna stop believing what you tell them. Asking questions would be a good start. Remembering what happened yesterday and applying it to what people are saying today would help a lot. Not sucking up to power in order to keep your pipeline to misleading and/or wrong information would be a great leap forward.
Don’t make me lay a beating on you, because, frankly, you’re doing such a piss poor job of informing people of the things that matter that it would have to be a hella beating.
SOURCE: Listen Up, Asshole
The Coalition for American Literacy is considering suing President George W. Bush, claiming that he has set their cause back by decades. “Every time a reporter asks him a question,” Tamara B. Flackley, Secretary General of the CAL stated, “he replies, ‘I didn’t read that report’ or ‘I didn’t read that magazine’ or ‘I didn’t read that newspaper article.’ He’s setting a terrible example for the children!” Flackley added that if the President wouldn’t stop having press conferences, the least he could do is make sure that the people he invited were illiterate – four year-olds, for example, or Fox News commentators – so that the subject of reading never came up.
SOURCE: The Postington Wash
Biff: Former Prime Minister Jean Chretien’s style leaves a lot to be desired.
Bucky: His approach is all swagger, no substance.
Biff: His swing is stiff.
Bucky: He just hacks away.
Biff: Oh, absolutely. And, his follow-through isn’t that great, either.
Bucky: His drives do have power – you have to give him that.
Biff: Well, sure, he gets a lot of distance, but his direction is often skewed.
Bucky: Well, whatever we may think of it, it does make for entertaining testimony.
Biff: Entertaining testimony? What are you talking about?
Bucky: Chretien’s testimony at the Gomery inquiry. What are you talking about?
Biff: Chretien’s golf game!
SOURCE: The Schwartz Sports Report
The New Lizard King Doesn’t Bother With Anything As Trivial As Music
US Vice President Dick Cheney has admitted that trillions of dollars in future borrowing may be needed to cover the cost of private retirement accounts. So, in order to solve the problem of a minor shortfall of funding in social security in 40 years, the American government plans to add a large amount to its already obscene budget shortfall in the present. “It sure does look that way, doesn’t it,” Cheney admitted with a twinkle in his eye. Then, the twinkle dwindled and disappeared, to be replaced by the reptilian steely gaze he is better known for. “I didn’t say that and you can’t prove I did,” he snarled.
SOURCE: The Non-existent Pages
Turn The Other Cheek, Ms. Amiel – Lord Knows You’ve Got Tons Of It
They mocked her for being a social climber!
They beat her up for ostentatious displays of wealth.
They tore strips off her for being a gold-digger!
They flayed her for her sycophantic admiration of power and money!
And, all along, all she wanted was to be recognized as a journalist!
The Passion of The Babs
Coming soon to a sympathetic newspaper near you!
SOURCE: Entertainment Right Now
The United States is starting to mend fences with European allies who did not support the war on Iraq. Next month, President George W. Bush will tour Europe to say: “We will do whatever it takes to secure the United States. You are either with us or against us. When we recognize a threat, we expect our allies to support our actions to neutralize that threat, no matter what their populations want, and we are prepared to use economic and political threats to achieve our objectives.” What’s different about this approach to Europe? US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice will be there to add: “Please.”
SOURCE: The Amazing Chocolate Yummies Blog
Bigots sans Frontières (also known as Bigots Without Borders and BWB) delivers support to victims of political liberalization, progressive legislation and man-centred beliefs, regardless of social or geographical isolation.
BWB was founded in 1907 by a small group of Ku Klux Klan members who believed that all white, heterosexual, Christian male people have the right to oppose the rights of others of a different race, religion, creed or political affiliation, and that the god-given right to hate held by these people supersedes respect for national borders. It was the first American non-governmental organization to both provide emergency funding to those fighting against the rights of minorities and publicly bear witness to the plight of the white, heterosexual, Christian male population they serve.
BWB is currently active proselytizing bomb-shocked Muslims in Iraq, as well as heathens throughout the former Soviet Socialist Republics. NEW: BWB has just started a campaign to kill the drive to legalize same sex marriages in Canada. For these and other actions, go to the Bigots Without Borders Actions Page.
SOURCE: Bigots Without Borders
Invitation To Your Own Funeral
Hezbollah and the Palestinian Front For the Front of Palestine invite you to an Intifada block party!
WHERE: A bombed out street in Gaza (details to follow)
WHEN: For four years and still going strong
DRESS: Black ski mask required; military camo optional
BYOP: Bring your own projectiles
RSVP: Naah. Just show up – there’s always room for one more
There will be dancing followed by a police roundup.
SOURCE: The Smoking Gut