Thank you, Agnes Flipperhead, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, like, ohmygod, did you see what Trevor did to Mack in the lunchroom? I didn’t think you could get so many French fries in somebody’s nose! I mean, it’s not like Mack wasn’t, like, asking for it, right? – he did say mean things about Sunshine’s rhinopasty…uhh, rhingoplastic…uhh, like, nose job? You know? And, he had to know that Trevor had a crush on Sunshine ever since Juliet dumped him for Romero. I mean, like, seven years detention was harsh, but, like, man, was it worth it for the look on Mack’s face!
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
No Heroux’ Here
The municipal council of Herouxville – yeah, I never knew such a place existed, either – it’s in Quebec somewhere – adopted a set of standards for new immigrants that includes the rule that women cannot be stoned to death or doused in acid. And the rule makes sense, given the rash of stonings that have happened there recently.
Besides, there’s nothing that says Canada tolerates diversity more than telling newcomers to the country that they need to leave their old customs behind and act just like us.
SOURCE: This 22 Minutes Feels Like An Hour
[http://www.mothercorp.ca/hour22minutes/]
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Tanks For The Memories
You know, I’m getting sick and tired of all of this Iraqi whining. Seventy-seven per cent want us out of their country? I don’t care if it’s a hundred and twenty seventy-seven per cent! We got rid of the vicious dictator who ruled over them with an iron fist – hell, we made sure that he would be found guilty of crimes against humanity so that he would be hanged. We guaranteed he wouldn’t be around to terrorize Iraqis any more. Oh, sure, we may have totally destroyed the country’s infrastructure to do it. And, killed a hundred thousand Iraqi citizens or two. Or more. And, made sure that there were no functioning civil institutions to keep order in the immediate aftermath of our invasion. And, privatized many of the country’s most basic industries so that international corporations could plunder them.
But, these are minor issues because, dammit all, we brought the Iraqis the most precious gift of all: freedom! And, how do those ungrateful bastards repay us? By having a civil war!
I tell you, if this is the thanks we get for invading a foreign country, maybe next time we shouldn’t bother!
SOURCE: The O’Meilly Factor
[http://www.foxynews.com/story/0,2933,96207,00.html]
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Op Ed – The Whiplash For Which There Is No Insurance
The Seven Stages Of Response To Climate Change According To Margaret Wente:
Stage 1. There’s no such thing.
Stage 2. It doesn’t exist.
Stage 3. Belief in it is a conspiracy by the loony left to destroy the economy.
Stage 4. It’s a product of the overheated imaginations of conspiracy nuts who have seen one too many episodes of The X-Files.
Stage 5. There’s no scientific consensus for it.
Stage 6. The scientific consensus that exists for it is based on junk science.
Stage 7. It’s here and there’s nothing we can do about it so we should just accept it.
SOURCE: Wryerson Journalism Review
[http://www.wryerson.ca/wrj/online/majunder-intifada1.html]
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And, This Is Just The Executive Summary
A recent headline in your newspaper read: “Global warming is a theory, not scientific fact.” I think this fundamentally misrepresents the scientific process.
A scientist starts with an idea about the way the world works, a theory. He then tests it in a lab and publishes his results. Other scientists, jealous that they didn’t think of the theory first, publish articles explaining why it makes no sense and, in any case, is probably fattening. Other scientists publish other articles supporting the general idea, but explaining why their slightly different version is a better way of understanding the world. Then, one of the original scientist’s student TAs, angry that his work didn’t get the credit he feels it deserved, accuses the scientist of fudging his data. Scientists who opposed the whole idea are surprised, but tut tut and say they aren’t surprised. Scientists who supported the idea, who are not surprised, conduct their own experiments to support their version of the theory and claim that they are surprised. As the general outlines of the theory get filled out and accepted more widely, corporations adversely affected by the actions demanded by the theory pay scientists to conduct studies to refute it; although the corporations are initially anonymous, their funding eventually becomes public knowledge. Scientists on both sides of the debate accuse scientists on the other side of bad faith and, more importantly, bad science. The Pope announces that the theory goes against traditional Biblical teachings, causing one billion people to close their minds to any evidence that favours it. Pro-business think tanks continue to publish anti-theory papers even as independent scientists develop a broad consensus that the theory is, in essence, correct. Pro-business politicians cling to the think tank sponsored papers in order to avoid acting against the interests of their largest corporate donors, even at the expense of the worst effects predicted by the theory. And, of course, pro-business newspapers run anti-theory articles with headlines like “Global warming is a theory, not scientific fact.”
So, as you can see, there are no “facts” in science. Backstabbing, recriminations, politically and economically motivated smears and competing theories, but no facts.
SOURCE: Toronto Stunned
[http://www.canoodle.com/NewsStand/TorontoStunned/News/2007/02/02/509787.html]
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History Repeats – Like Bad Pizza (Or Good Headlines)
“I have no intent upon incur – going into Iran”
– George W. Bush, now (January 29, 2007)
“I want to assure everyone we have no plans to attack or invade Iraq.”
– George W. Bush, then (March 29, 2002)
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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But, Thank You For Asking
Anna Nicole Smith, who died yesterday at the age of 39, was blonde. Other than that, her life was none of your business.
SOURCE: Obits ‘R Us
[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
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Still Feeling Smugly Superior?
Differences between Canadians and Americans, #327:
The American government has to increase the security of its Secretary of Defense because citizens are up in arms about lies that resulted in a war that has cost the country thousands of lives and billions of dollars. The Canadian government has to increase the security of the Finance Minister because citizens are up in arms about changes to the tax code.
SOURCE: This 22 Minutes Feels Like An Hour
[http://www.mothercorp.ca/hour22minutes/]
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