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You Mean…Nobody Really Dreams Of Genie?
Okay, let’s get one thing straight: Rush Limbaugh did not tell Democrats that they should riot at their national convention in Denver. He did not advocate violence. He merely said that he dreamed that Democrats rioted in Denver. And, as well know, people dream about things they don’t want to happen all the time. I, for instance, dream of having sex with General David Petraeus. While the Joint Chiefs of Staff watch. But, it’s not gonna happen. Sometimes, I dream that Petraeus has a whip and he gently hits me on the back of the head with it. Does that mean I want it to happen? Of course not! Dreams don’t work that way! I also dream that the Joint Chiefs are wearing pasties and red panties, and that they…umm…well…
You get the idea. Just as dreams don’t necessarily reflect our desires, Limbaugh was in no way advocating Democratic violence.
SOURCE: The O’Meilly Factor
[http://www.foxynews.com/story/0,2633,98307,00.html]
So, When Are You Getting YOUR Lobotomy?
A recently released survey of Americans shows that stupid people are happier than smart people. Of those surveyed whose IQs were below 90, 67% claimed to be happy; of those surveyed whose IQs were above 110, only 43% claimed to be happy.
“The message is clear,” claimed lead researcher Markie Montgomery: “Drop out of school as early as you can. Don’t read anything more taxing than the back of a cereal box. Get your news from Fox. You’ll be much happier that way.”
SOURCE: The National Whipping Post
[http://www.canada.com/national/nationalwhippingpost/news/story.html?ia=1ec2ecda-b6e6-4c18-bf9b-37b657cc48ec]
Mixed (Up) Media
It’s taken me a long time, but I think I finally get it. The narcissistic self-absorption, to the point of solipsism. The seemingly inexhaustible supply of irrelevant personal anecdotes. The complete and utter lack of self-consciousness in the act of revealing the most intimate details of one’s life.
Leah McLaren has been writing a blog! It just happened to be published in a newspaper instead of on the Web.
The world makes sense again.
SOURCE: aye Weakly
[http://www.aye.net/]
I…Suppose That Brutal Irony Is Better Than Brutal Brutality
“We take theft very seriously.”
– Take-Two Chief Executive Officer Ben Feder, explaining why the company will investigate and prosecute reports of a pirated version of Grand Theft Auto IV being distributed over the Internet
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
You Go With The Enemy You Have, Not The Enemy That You’d Like To Have
Interim enemy (noun): the country you go to battle with while waiting for your true enemy to emerge. EXAMPLE: “Iraq is just the interim enemy between Russia and China. SEE, ALSO: Enemy of convenience.
SOURCE: Michelle’s Obscure Pedantry Page
[http://www.MichellesOPP.ca/blogger.html]
Here’s One You Can’t Pin On Him
“I want to know if you believe in the American flag.”
– question asked of Democratic Presidential nomination seeker Barack Obama by a woman during an ABC News candidate’s debate
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
You Profit From Your Threat To The World Economy, We’ll Profit From Ours
Former Bank of England official William Buiter has stated that UK bank will need at least $200 billion in loans “for it to really make a difference in [their] liquidity position.” (TRANSLATION: to keep them from going bankrupt.) Oddly enough, this may be the key to eliminating poverty in the west.
People living on welfare should band together to start a chartered bank. Without actually doing any banking, they should then declare that they are “exposed” and “illiquid” because of their position on mortgage backed securities, and that the economy will collapse if they don’t get enough for a couple months rent and maybe a tin of tuna for the cat.
SOURCE: Daily Semaphore
[http://www.opinion.semaphore.co.uk/opinion/main.jhtml;sessionid=M5UF23LWOLFFPQFMFIQSM5WAVCBQ0JVC?nextPage=/DUIereADE/wXeR.WZvwF?7wF~/DUereDE/s119/Os/14/JD141O.7wF!2qZiiv~/DUeReDR/s119/Os/14/e7DUeReDR.ZvwF!2iG3gimmygi2Z~vg3i&resize=null&_requestid=2112]
I Feel The Need For A Shower Just Looking At That Chart
It was more than a little bizarre for Democratic Presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton to accuse her opponent, Barack Obama, of using the tactics of Karl Rove, when she herself is doing just that. Don’t believe me? Consider the following chart:
| politician | President George W. Bush | Democrat Hillary Clinton |
|---|---|---|
| cause | Iraq War | Democratic primaries |
| tactic | claim minor victory is major | claim minor victory is major |
| minor victory | surge | Pennsylvania primary |
| how they describe it | “We’ve turned a corner.” | “The tide has turned.” |
| ignores | ongoing ethnic tensions | behind in delegates and popular vote |
| how they deal with opposition | smear Democrats | smear Barack Obama |
| how they use fear | every press conference | Armageddon TV ad |
| accusations that show how they project their tactics onto their enemies |
“politicizing issues” | “using Karl Rove’s tactics” |
SOURCE: Politics for Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/home.asp?did=576&dir=bb]
Election Financing – Why Harp On It?
Prime Minister Stephen Harper has said he will end the controversial practice of giving money to ridings which they immediate give back to the federal party in an apparent plan to skirt election spending limits.
“We always follow the law as we understand it,” Harper explained. “Can I help it if we always hire the stupidest people to interpret campaign finance rules for us?”
SOURCE: Toronto Startle
[http://www.thestartle.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=thestartle/Layout/Article_Type1&c=Article&cid=1088591831993&call_pageid=968435278492&col=968275972154]
Is There One Large Enough For The Whole Country?
Ayman al-Zawahiri, al-Qaeda’s second-in-command, has said that the decision to halt troop withdrawals from the “surge” started last year in Iraq amounts to a concession of defeat by the United States.
President George W. Bush and his Republican supporters (and the inscrutable Joe Lieberman), on the other hand, argue that withdrawing American troops from Iraq would amount to a concession of defeat by the United States.
Dude, where’s my valium?
SOURCE: The Day To Day Show, with Jon Tudor
[http://www.comedycentric.com/tv_shows/thedaytodayshowwithjontudor/headlines_pol.jhtml]
If These Delegates Are So Super, Why Don’t They Wear Capes, Masks And Tights?
REPORTER: I’m talking to Mitch Murchison, who is a Democratic Party superdelegate. Tell us, Mitch, how did you become a superdelegate?
MITCH MURCHISON: I’ve been Nancy Pelosi’s hair stylist for over 20 years.
REPORTER: That’s all it took?
MURCHISON: She really likes the way I do her hair.
REPORTER: Uhh…okay. Do you know who you’re going to be voting for at the convention?
MURCHISON: Hillary all the way.
REPORTER: You, uhh, know she lost the popular vote to Barack Obama?
MURCHISON: Yes.
REPORTER: And, that she lost the number of states to Obama?
MURCHISON: That’s right?
REPORTER: And, that she lost the number of elected delegates?
MURCHISON: Of course.
REPORTER: Knowing all of that, why are you voting for Hillary Clinton?
MURCHISON: She’s a winner!
SOURCE: Deadline News Network
[http://www.dnn.com/2008/ALLPOLITICS/08/12/reps.main/index.html]