Twitter Never Lies, And Liars Are Never Twits
“We never ever, ever intended it to be gun sights. It was simply cross-hairs like you’d see on maps…a surveyor’s symbol.”
– Sarah Palin aide Rebecca Mansour, in a radio interview
“@SarahPalinUSASarah Palin Remember months ago “bullseye” icon used 2 target the 20 Obamacare-lovin’ incumbent seats? We won 18 out of 20 (90% success rate;T’aint bad)”
– Sarah Palin tweet
And, He Didn’t Even Have The Decency To Ask: “Too Soon?”
This movie “borrows more heavily than an investment bank in an unregulated market.”
– Globe and Mail reviewer Rick Groen on the film I Am Number Four
Harper. He Was Never There For You.
“Ignatieff. He didn’t come back for you.”
– Conservative ad attacking Liberal leader Michael Ignatieff
Could He Have Meant: “Where Is Steve Jobs?”
“Over the last two years since President Obama has taken office the federal government has added 200,000 new federal jobs. And if some of those jobs are lost in this, so be it. We’re broke. It’s time for us to get serious on how we’re spending the nation’s money.”
– House Speaker John Boehner on Republican efforts to cut the deficit
“Where are the jobs?”
– Representative John Boehner taunting the Democrats during the 2010 elections
If They Weren’t Given Higher Bonuses…
“If this were America, fifty people would have been arrested by now.”
– an anonymous American official on corruption at the Kabul Bank
Of Course, They Don’t Tell People The Main Ingredient In General Foods Products Is Rat Poison, Either
“Politics is an adversarial business. Kellogg’s doesn’t make money by telling everybody General Foods are a great product.”
– Senator Doug Finley on Conservative attack ads
A Throat That Lately Has Been Coughing Up Furballs
“It turns what is a very risky and dangerous business into nothing but a big video game. And, that probably plays right into the hands of the surviving stock exchanges because they’re the throat of the electronic funnel.”
– Ted Weisberg, veteran trader, on recent stock exchange merger rumours
It’s The Whole Tree
“Reinstating the word Royal has nothing to do with colonial roots.”
– Senator Joseph Day, arguing to stop referring to the Canadian naval services under the umbrella term The Canadian Forces and returning to calling them the Royal Canadian Navy
Don’t Look At The Military Strongman Behind The Curtain
“We are on the side, as we have been for more than 30 years, of a democratic Egypt that provides both political and economic rights to its people, that respects the universal human rights for all.”
– US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton
A Thousand Satirists Say A Silent Prayer Of Thanks
“I am not going to sit down. I am not going to shut up.”
– the Divine Sarah Palin
Projection Of This Size Requires An IMAX Screen
“Liberalism just doesn’t work very well in the real world: If you spend your whole life advocating ideas that make people’s lives worse, that fall apart at the first touch of reality, and that rely on a government that’s inevitably slow, stupid, and ineffective, it’s not going to be conducive to your happiness.”
– Conservative blogger John Hall
Those Who Can Leave Already Have
“As contentious and frustrating and messy as our democracy can sometimes be, I know there isn’t a person here who would rather trade places with any other nation on Earth.”
– President Obama in the State of the Union address
Really? You Should Sue Your Parents For Malpractice
“Fame, we are taught from an early age, is the most important thing a person can strive for.”
– Globe and Mail columnist Leah McLaren
Actually, You Can’t Say That Because It’s Sociologically Incorrect
But, Thank You For Playing
“Gang rape is a cultural habit. Of course, you can’t say that because it’s politically incorrect.”
– Barrick Gold CEO Peter Munk on gang rape accusations against workers at the company’s Papua New Guinea mine
Unless They’re Protesting Your International Trade Policy, In Which Case They’re Fair Game
“A government’s first and most fundamental responsibility is to protect the safety and security of its citizens.”
– Prime Minister Stephen Harper on the schemozzle in Libya
That’s Three Strikes
Justice Is Out
“The thing about the Khadr case is that it had to be successful, it had to work and it had to be fair.”
– unnamed “senior official” in the Obama administration
It’s Embarrassing When Celtic Tigers Become Celtic Pussycats
“It will look more like Ireland – more dynamic, more attractive to investors, brighter, more positive, outward-looking.”
– Finance Minister Jim Flaherty suggests in 2006 what Canada would look like in five years
“…”
– Finance Minister talking about Ireland’s economy in 2011
She’s Made Victimhood Personal
“Palin is not a feminist because she doesn’t adopt the victimology notion of the feminists.”
– Conservative anti-feminist Phyllis Schlafly
Do You Fade Away? Please? Now?
“Men like me don’t die.”
– a quote attributed to party animal Charlie Sheen
Humpty Dumpty Must Be Spinning In His Omelette
“I would make the point that the leader and the speaker have established their integrity and their mendacity for years in this Congress and I don’t believe it can be effectively challenged and those who do so actually cast aspersions on themselves by making wild accusations.”
– Steve King, Representative of Iowa
If You Want Him Out, Get Maxwell House To Sue For Copyright Infringement
I will fight “to the last drop of blood.”
– besieged Libyan tyrant Moammar Kaddafi
You…Do Know That The Leafs Haven’t Won The Stanley Cup In 35 Years, Right?
“We take care of our own backyard first and if I need help from the province or the feds, then I’ll ask for their help. If they choose not to help us, then I have no other choice but to get out, as I call it, Ford Nation and make sure they’re not re-elected in the next election.”
– Toronto Mayor Rob Ford