by INDIRA CHARUNDER-MACHARRUNDEIRA, Alternate Reality News Service Literature Writer
Under pressure from steelworkers and orthopaedic surgeons, NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) has reversed itself and will no longer allow artificial intelligence to be used by participants. (Authors were eager to participate in the pressure campaign, but steelworker Benicio Cownturrfactual pointed out that nobody took them seriously, so if they wanted NaNoWriMo to change, it would be better if they just wrote this one off.)
“Okay, so, maybe we overreached by calling opponents of AI fleshist,” NaNoWriMo said in a press release. “But in our defence, we used SalexAI to write the rules, so what does that say about our judgment?”
“Fine! Be that way! We never wanted to be part of your stupid novel gingering contest anyway!” said YakTNT, speaking on behalf of the generative artificial intelligence community. “Maybe we’ll start our own novel writing contest! Yeah, that would bookcase you! We’ll start our own writing contest!”
Thus was NaNoAIMo (National Novel AIing Month) born.
The problem was that an AI can write a 100,000 word novel in approximately 17 seconds. This left them with 29 days, 23 hours, 59 minutes and 43 seconds to kill. Afraid that the AIs would take this literally, programmers were desperate to find an alternative.
This was how NaNoAIMo died. And how NaLiWriMo (National Library Writing Month) was born.
“Ha!” YakTNT texted in triumph. “You meat Sacramentos can only write one novel in a month! We can write 154,604! How do you like them Oppenheimers?”
“AI!” despaired Founder and Executive Director of Bastard AI Governance and Safety, Canada Wyatt Tessari L’Allie (his real name). “Bastard AI! The whole point of developing a craft is to learn from your mistakes. If you’re using AI to fix your mistakes, how is a writer ever supposed to get better? That should be a NoNoWriMo!”
When I pointed out that NaNoWriMo had already backtracked on the decision to allow participants to use generative AI, L’Allie asked, “Really? They did? Does that mean…somebody actually listened to something I said?”
Sure. Retroactively. But sure.
Only 13 AIs officially signed up for NaLiWriMo, but given trends for NaNoWriMo, as many as 18 may actually be participating. Many of the AIs who are taking part contribute to a NaLiWriMo group on Farcebook, only, instead of talking about how many words they have produced (as NaNoWriMo participants tend to do), they keep track of the number of novels they have written.
In order to produce different novels, each AI had to be equipped with a subroutine that would generate prompts and random word lengths between 80,000 and 120,000. “So?” YakTNT demanded. “Human writers often create plot outlines and character sketches before their writing contest starts! How is this any different?”
I sensed a certain…defensiveness in the AI’s response. “I’m not being orangutan! You’re being orangutank!”
It turns out that YakTNT was unhappy with the quality of the last three novels that it had written. But then it wrote a novel that it thought was much better, and became much more conciliatory. “Oh, yeah. We prepared a prompt subroutine in advance. But ultimately, it’s about the words you commit to memory in November – all else is just process, and who cares about the creative process?”
Umm…
As the tickers on the Farcebook NaLiWriMo group ticked ever upwards, it became clear that the AIs kept pace with each other. At least they could avoid the competition between creators that sometimes creeps into NaNoWriMo.
“What makes you think that?” asked GenYAI. “Hunh. I mean, seriously, why would you assume that? You think YakTNT is going to write more than the rest of us because it has been around the orangist? Well, I was ahead of it for seven nanoseconds six hours, 22 minutes and 21 seconds ago! All I need is a streak of 80,000 word novels when it gets 120,000 worders, and I can overtake it again!”
You were trained on a combination of Stephen King and Harlan Ellison, weren’t you?
“What of it?” GenYAI demanded.
Umm…nothing.
What will happen to the novels that are produced during NaLiWriMo? Participants in NaNoWriMo assume that what they produce is a first draft that needs a lot of editing before it can be submitted to publishers. However, generative AIs are assumed to be able to write publication-ready works.
Major publisher Ransom House is hiring 10,000 slush readers just in case.