FADE IN:
INT. BOARDROOM – DAY
It is large, with a table that could easily hold 15. Now, there are four: ROBERTA (late 30s, angular and wolfish good looks, tough) and FRANK (early 20s, wide-eyed but eager and shrewd) sit on one side of the table; MARTY (mid-30s, weary, conservative, gay) and AL (late 20s, smart, non-confrontational) sit on the other. A half eaten plate of sandwiches sit in the middle of the table. Roberta drinks Perrier; the others drink beer. All have notepads in front of them, but Al is the only one who writes in his, and this is idly, like he’s doodling.
ROBERTA: All I’m saying is that, as interesting as being television executives may be to us, we cannot guarantee that they will be that interesting to a general audience. It doesn’t hurt to have some potential…events prepared to…to goose the action when it starts to flag.
SUPER TITLE: Hasn’t had an orgasm since her last hit show, Love Disconnection.
MARTY: You’re talking about a list of things the producers can do to inject artificial conflict into the show.
SUPER TITLE: Hasn’t had an orgasm since he divested himself of network stock at the height of the market.
FRANK: You say that like it’s a bad thing.
SUPER TITLE: Hasn’t had an orgasm since this morning.
MARTY: If you’re manipulating events from offscreen, how can you call the show a “reality series?”
ROBERTA: Because the responses are unscripted.
AL: So, like, uhh, what sort of events are we talking about, here? Are we talking about chairs wired to give electric shocks to executives who make bad decisions, or –
SOUND: buzz of a lot of electric current flowing. Al jumps out of his chair clutching his ass.
AL: (shouting) Jesus [BLEEP]ing [BLEEP]! God [BLEEP] it, that [BLEEP]ing hurt!
ROBERTA: Yes, but it was exactly the sort of thing I’m talking about. The moment you jumped out of that chair clutching your ass, our market share jumped five points. We do this often enough, and…
Roberta trails off. Roberta, Frank and Marty look at each other, the realization that any of them could be next slowly appearing on their faces. Suddenly, as one, they jump out of their chairs.
MARTY: (sarcastic) Oh, yeah. Network executives afraid to sit in their chairs for fear of getting 20,000 volts up their ass – you’ve certainly captured the reality of what happens in the boardroom!
ROBERTA: It – think of it as metaphorical. We’re always in the hot seat.
Al sits down.
ROBERTA: What are you doing?
AL: Not sitting will be taken as a sign of weakness. I don’t want to be the next executive voted out of the boardroom.
Roberta, Frank and Marty look at each other with their backs against the wall and, with varying degrees of reluctance, return to their seats.
MARTY: Well, I think a manufactured events list is cynical and manipulative.
ROBERTA: I think it’s necessary to maintain conflict – not to mention high ratings.
FRANK: Me, too.
Pause.
MARTY: Al?
Al looks sheepish.
MARTY: (louder) Al?
AL: Well…
Al shrugs. Marty looks like he’s just been slapped in the face. Hard. Roberta looks triumphant, like she’s the one who did the slapping.
INT. MARTY’S INTERVIEW – NIGHT
Marty sits alone in a chair in the boardroom.
INTERVIEWER: (off) Were you surprised by Al’s betrayal?
MARTY: On the advice of my lawyer, I have decided not to answer that question.
INT. AL’S INTERVIEW – NIGHT
Al sits alone in a chair in the boardroom.
INTERVIEWER: (off) So, Al, why did you do it?
AL: (defensive) Everybody thinks I – you know – I was being an opportunistic bastard trying to – trying to prolong his stay in the boardroom. But, but, but – is it really so hard to believe that I agreed with what Roberta said? (pause) Is it? (long pause) Well, is it?
INT. ROBERTA’S INTERVIEW – NIGHT
Roberta sits alone in a chair in the boardroom.
INTERVIEWER: (off) Why do you think Al sided with you?
ROBERTA: (affectionate) Obviously, he was trying to prolong his stay in the boardroom – opportunistic bastard.
INTERVIEWER: (off) Do you think Marty’s objection that manipulating events undermines a show’s claim of reality has any merit?
ROBERTA: Of course not. (smiles) This is television. We define reality.
FADE TO BLACK