Really? That’s What It Depends On? Am I The Only One In A Depression About This?
“Agenda: Much depends on Obama’s ability to get Republicans behind his initiatives”
– Globe and Mail
Two Words: Tickle Torture
“HOW TO MAKE INSOMNIA YOUR BITCH”
– The Grid
It’s A Scab They Just can’t Help Picking
“Air Canada union protests replacement worker training”
– Globe and Mail
No, But I’ll Be Happy To Give A Eulogy At The Funeral
“Is marriage worth saving?”
– Toronto Star
You’re Sure Speculation Has Nothing To Do With It? Nothing At All? Not Even A Little Bit?
“The New Standard: Volatility
Economic Uncertainty Feeds an Erratic Market”
– New York Times
Will Somebody Please Get This Man A War Crimes Trial?
“Looking back, I was right, Rumsfeld says”
– Globe and Mail
Oh, Social Media! Is There No Social Ill That You Cannot Make Worse?
“Social media probed after riots”
– Toronto Star
“Facebook, drug use linked”
– Toronto Star
Very Carefully
“How do you clean a dinosaur?”
– The Grid
Naah – You’ve Just Got Gas
“AFGHANISTAN
Is that a sign of hope we see?”
– Globe and Mail
Which Israel Will Be Happy To Engage In (Some Time In The Next Century)
“Bid for UN statehood won’t bring peace
The path to resolving differences is through direct negotiations”
– Toronto Star
Quick – Get Aaron Sorkin To Write A Sequel!
“Mark Zuckerberg Seems To Have Killed A Bison”
– SFGate.com
Will Bruce Willis Be Able To Save Us Now?
“Euro zone crisis? It’s more like Armageddon”
– Globe and Mail
They Actually Asked An Adult To Write This?
A Professional Journalist Type Adult?
“Too divine for mere mortals?
Madonna denies volunteers at TIFF told not to look at her”
– Toronto Star
With Nothing But A Piquant Mint Jelly Between Them
“The bison will lay down with the lamb”
– National Post
Five Minutes Later, Announces It Has Exonerated Self Of Any Wrongdoing
“SNC launches internal investigation into corruption allegations”
– Globe and Mail
The Fact That They Looked The Stats Up On Their Nokia Phones Should Have Been The First Clue
“RIM shares plunge 20% amid deep skepticism
Analysts losing faith in Blackberry rebound after latest grim results”
– Toronto Star
Maybe We Should Have Been Investing In Ours In The Last Couple Of Decades…
“Education, infrastructure will draw private investment, report suggests”
– Globe and Mail
And, Did You Get One Before Writing This Headline?
“Are tatoos toxic?”
– NOW
So, A Leader Has To Suffer From Depression To Save Us From Depression?
“Why a stable leader may not be right for shaky times”
– Globe and Mail
That’s A Good Way To Break Your Teeth
“Ontario parties chompin’ at the bit”
– Toronto Star
At Least It’s Taken People’s Minds Off Greece
“Italy’s debt woes fuel new fears”
– Globe and Mail
They Don’t Want To?
“The Wedding Gap
Why are black women much less likely to marry than white?”
– New York Times
Says Three Minutes She Spent At An Ashram Were Very Enlightening
“Britney Spears hopes for wisdom at age 30”
– Toronto Star
Of Course, We’re Talking About The Difference Between An Ego The Size Of The Entire Solar System And One That Only Goes Out As Far As Uranus’ Orbit…
“Jail time made him humbler, Black says”
– Globe and Mail
Criticism Is Definitely A Fringe Activity
“Sci-fi drama Fringe satisfies”
– Ottawa Citizen
“Fringe Starts New Sci-Fi Season in a Funk”
– Wired.com
Look At The Recovery On You!
“Peugeot to cut jobs on European slump”
– Globe and Mail
“EON to cut 10 per cent of work force
German utility takes hits from nuclear tax, costs of shutting down reactors”
– Globe and Mail
“Abitibi cuts 60 jobs at Iroquois Fall mill”
– Globe and Mail
“AERONAUTICS
Lockheed unit to cut 540 jobs”
– Globe and Mail
“WHEN A CAR PLANT GOES QUIET
A decade on, the demise of the Canada-U.S. auto pact leads to the closing of another southern Ontario assembly line, and the loss of a further 1,100 jobs.”
– Globe and Mail
“Finland’s UPM to cut 1,300 workers”
– Globe and Mail
“BNY Mellon plans 1,500 job cuts”
– Globe and Mail
“FINANCIAL SERVICES
HSBC cutting 3,000 jobs in Hong Kong”
– Globe and Mail
“Bank of America to cut 3,500 jobs, maybe more”
– Toronto Star
They Have Orgies On The Front Lawn And Throw Their Used Needles At Passersby Like They Were Darts –
Damn Toaists!
“Tempest rages over a Taoist temple
Centre may be stymied by residents’ concerns”
– Toronto Star
Buyback Has Less Pungent Spoors
“Berkshire chooses buyback over elephant hunting”
– Globe and Mail
Saves Me From Having To Actually – Ugh – Read The Articles
“Why are investors making such bad decisions?”
“Equities playthings of feelings”
“Seasonal influences hit hard”
– National Post
Yeah, Sure, And The Gladiators Should Have Cultivated A Climate Of Goodwill With The Lions
“Can Obama afford to go bold?
President needs to cultivate climate of goodwill as he seeks Republican support for job-creation plan”
– Globe and Mail
Most Unfortunate Headline Juxtaposition Ever
“Lights! Camera! Glamour!”
“Aftermath of prostate surgery”
– Toronto Star