“Se…se…se…se – it’s no use, doctor. I just can’t say it.”
“It’s a common word – we use it every day. Are you sure?”
“You heard me struggle with it.”
“Fascinating… Let’s try a little word association. I’m going to give you a word or phrase, you tell me the first thing that comes into your head. Okay?”
“Okay.”
“Source of energy.”
“Fuel cell.”
“Group dedicated to political violence?”
“Terrorist cell.”
“French word for sky.”
“Ciel.”
“Eighties electronic band.”
“Soft Cell.”
“Divest yourself of stocks?”
“Se…se – you see?”
“Fascinating… Okay. I’m going to give you a word or phrase, and I want you to give me its opposite. Again, just say the first word that comes into your head.”
“Sure.”
“High.”
“Low.”
“Boom.”
“Bust.”
“Buy.”
“Sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss…”
“You’re hissing.”
“Ssssssorry.”
“So. You’re a broker at a major Wall Street firm. You’ve worked as a broker for over 20 years. You have a weekly syndicated column of stock analysis, and you regularly appear on CNBC. And, you have no trouble saying the word ‘buy’?”
“None whatsoever. Buy. See? Buy, buy, buy. Buy gold. Buy Enron. Buy Global Crossings. Buy Vivendi. Buy International Sprazz.”
“International Sprazz?”
“Holding company. Brutal piece of – let me put it this way: if this stock was a horse, it wouldn’t be accepted at a glue factory.”
“That bad, hunh? What do you tell your clients about this dog of a stock?”
“Come on, Doc. If it was that easy, I wouldn’t be here.”
“Let’s try something else. Repeat after me: sss.”
“Sss.”
“Eh.”
“Eh.”
“Lll.”
“Lll.”
“Se.”
“Se.”
“Ell.”
“Ell.”
“Se.”
“Se.”
“Ell.”
“Ell.”
“Ssssseeeeellll.”
“Ssssseeeeend.”
“No, sssseeeelll.”
“Sssseeerenade.”
“Sell!”
“Sediment!”
“SELL!”
“Se…line Dion!”
“You like her music?”
“Can’t stand it.”
“That just goes to show the lengths you will go to not to say this word. There’s only one way to describe your case.”
“Fascinating?”
“Precisely. Tell me, when you were a child, did you have a lemonade stand?”
“No.”
“Paper route?”
“No.”
“Were you a member of the Junior Chamber of Commerce?”
“No. Why are you asking these questions?”
“I find that blockages that go this deep usually begin in some childhood trauma.”
“I’ve only had this problem for three years.”
“I know. All my broker clients tell me that. But, it’s not -“
“All your broker clients? What do you mean?”
“I treat dozens of you, all with the same problem. I’m developing a theory of mass psychosis which may explain the phenomenon, but I have to explore all of your individual histories before I rule them out completely. So, tell me, how old were you when you stopped wetting your bed?”
“I never wet my bed!”
“Fascinating…”