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Sorry, But Headlines Don’t Trust You Enough to Share Their Pain With You

Who?


“We can’t forget the Rana Plaza victims”

Toronto Star


Canadian Firms? Are There Really Any Left?


“Canadian firms must adapt to free-trade realities: report”

Globe and Mail


Ontario Education Minister Will Stomp Workers Out If They Try


“Sandals rules out labour strife”

Toronto Sun


All The More Reason For Us To Be


“OPG not concerned about possibility of nuclear accidents at proposed site”

Toronto Star


Careful Application Of Rhetorical Scotch Tape Should Make Everything Better


“Ex-general rips Israel
Leslie: Army indiscriminately fired on women and Children”

Toronto Sun


It Depends On What You Want It To Do
It Probably Wouldn’t Help Toilet Train My Cat…


“Would compulsory voting work?”

Toronto Star


<Snaps Fingers> Aha! Now I Know Why I’ve Always Found Him So Creepy!


“Harper vows ‘unblinking’ support for Ukraine”

Toronto Star


OMG ROFLMAO!


“Hearings resume on OPG’s plan to bury nuclear waste”

Toronto Sun

“Will Bell, Rogers, bet on OLG?”


Toronto Sun


Great! I’m A Big Supporter Of Colour Blind Casting!


“Ship’s discovery puts Inuit hamlet ‘on the map’

Toronto Star


Does The Regulatory Body Know Something His Doctors Don’t?


“OSC reduces executive’s life-time ban to two years”

Globe and Mail


But, Scientists Have Only Screened A Third Of The Republican Caucus, So They Are Still Hopeful


“The Quest to Find Intelligent Life Falters”

New York Times


On The Bright Side, A Successful Career As A Pundit Is Assured


“Ford vows he’ll be mayor for ‘another 14 years'”

Toronto Star

“Rob Ford withdraws from mayor’s race, Doug files to take his place”


Toronto Star


Because Nothing Stops Mortar And Tank Fire Like A Good Art Installation


“Destruction in Gaza Unleashes Barrage of Creativity”

New York Times


I Can’t Decide If This Is Tacky Or Brilliant…Or Brilliantly Tacky


“The perfect storm of climate denial”

Globe and Mail


If You Can’t Clean The VC’s WC In Less Than Five Minutes With One, Kiss Your Funding Goodbye


“In Silicon Valley, Takeovers Face the Toothbrush Test”

New York Times


It Would Be More Accurate To Say He Made Us Apoplectically Fearful About It


“Rob made us care about the city’s fate”

Globe and Mail


Not That One Who Has It Would Know…


“There is life after dementia”

Toronto Star


Editor Confronts Bitter Truth Of Headline Writer’s Lack Of Imagination


“A bitter finding”

Toronto Star

“A bitter pill to swallow”


– headline on the next page of the Toronto Star


It’s Never Safe To Bet Against Empire, No Matter How Diminished


“Bettors across the U.K. firmly forecasting a No vote in Scotland”

Globe and Mail


It’s Never Safe To Bet Against The Real Gamblers


“Markets confident that U.K. will stay intact”

Globe and Mail


Who Knew The Wrestler Had It In Him?


“Another thoughtful tale from the Rock”

Toronto Star


It’s Right On Schedule, Then


“With less than a year to go, Pam Am venues face delays and missed deadlines”

Globe and Mail


Unfortunately, Nobody’s Brave Enough To Get Close Enough To The Reactor Core To Take Advantage Of The Opportunity


“Public has their say on nuclear waste”

Toronto Star


Asked And Answered


Does he have what it takes?

Toronto Sun

“Doug Ford not yet qualified to be mayor”


Toronto Sun


In One Policy, Out Another


“Electronic tracking of immigrants recommended”

Toronto Star

“Advocates condemn traffic stops of migrants”


Toronto Star


Minister Zeno Certain It Will Be Established Soon


Climate: Environment Minister says Canada is ‘moving toward’ carbon target”

Globe and Mail


No Takebacks! …Or, Umm, Maybe Some…


“HP recalls power cords after burns, damage cited”

Toronto Star

“Ford issues massive recall for steering, corrosion issues”


Globe and Mail

“Baby food subject of voluntary recall”


Toronto Star

“U.S. agency prompts baby monitor recall”


Toronto Star

“Subaru issues second recall for defect in brake lines”


Toronto Star

“2013 Ford Escape SUVs recalled over fire risks
Oil leak plagues carmaker’s bestselling model, affecting over 161,000 vehicles globally”


Toronto Star

“Toyota recalls 430,500 cars over various safety issues”


Globe and Mail

“GM recalls 475,000 vehicles”


Globe and Mail

“GM issues six more safety recalls for 823,000 vehicles”


Globe and Mail

“GM adds 2.6 million more to recall list
U.S. automaker announces four more potential defects, will double charge in second quarter to $400-million”


Globe and Mail

“Toyota recall cases total 6.4 million worldwide”


Toronto Star

“Plague of recalls continue at GM
Ignition issue forces automaker to call back 3.16 million vehicles”


Toronto Star

“GM victims fund will pay out billions
Troubled automaker announces another 7.6 million recalls”


Toronto Star


Like Pop-up Ads On Your Favourite Web Site Or Your Weird Uncle


“Experimental Ebola drug ‘well tolerated’ by patients, company says”

Globe and Mail


If Only The Writers Of These Headlines Had Compared Notes…


“Jordan clears cleric of terrorism charge
Man with Al Qaeda tied jailed for plotting attacks in 2000″

Toronto Star

“How to curb compulsive shopping habits
Seeking support of loves ones, sticking to a budget among expert’s key recommendations”


Toronto Star


The Rolling Stones?


“If not the WHO, then who?”

Globe and Mail


As A Result, Country’s Ranking Among Most Boring Places In The World Drops Three Places


“Canadian caught with 51 live turtles in his pants”

Globe and Mail


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