Skip to content

Sorry, But Headlines Don’t Trust You Enough to Share Their Pain With You

Who?


“We can’t forget the Rana Plaza victims”

– Toronto Star


Canadian Firms? Are There Really Any Left?


“Canadian firms must adapt to free-trade realities: report”

– Globe and Mail


Ontario Education Minister Will Stomp Workers Out If They Try


“Sandals rules out labour strife”

– Toronto Sun


All The More Reason For Us To Be


“OPG not concerned about possibility of nuclear accidents at proposed site”

– Toronto Star


Careful Application Of Rhetorical Scotch Tape Should Make Everything Better


“Ex-general rips Israel
Leslie: Army indiscriminately fired on women and Children”

– Toronto Sun


It Depends On What You Want It To Do
It Probably Wouldn’t Help Toilet Train My Cat…


“Would compulsory voting work?”

– Toronto Star


<Snaps Fingers> Aha! Now I Know Why I’ve Always Found Him So Creepy!


“Harper vows ‘unblinking’ support for Ukraine”

– Toronto Star


OMG ROFLMAO!


“Hearings resume on OPG’s plan to bury nuclear waste”

– Toronto Sun

“Will Bell, Rogers, bet on OLG?”


– Toronto Sun


Great! I’m A Big Supporter Of Colour Blind Casting!


“Ship’s discovery puts Inuit hamlet ‘on the map’

– Toronto Star


Does The Regulatory Body Know Something His Doctors Don’t?


“OSC reduces executive’s life-time ban to two years”

– Globe and Mail


But, Scientists Have Only Screened A Third Of The Republican Caucus, So They Are Still Hopeful


“The Quest to Find Intelligent Life Falters”

– New York Times


On The Bright Side, A Successful Career As A Pundit Is Assured


“Ford vows he’ll be mayor for ‘another 14 years'”

– Toronto Star

“Rob Ford withdraws from mayor’s race, Doug files to take his place”


– Toronto Star


Because Nothing Stops Mortar And Tank Fire Like A Good Art Installation


“Destruction in Gaza Unleashes Barrage of Creativity”

– New York Times


I Can’t Decide If This Is Tacky Or Brilliant…Or Brilliantly Tacky


“The perfect storm of climate denial”

– Globe and Mail


If You Can’t Clean The VC’s WC In Less Than Five Minutes With One, Kiss Your Funding Goodbye


“In Silicon Valley, Takeovers Face the Toothbrush Test”

– New York Times


It Would Be More Accurate To Say He Made Us Apoplectically Fearful About It


“Rob made us care about the city’s fate”

– Globe and Mail


Not That One Who Has It Would Know…


“There is life after dementia”

– Toronto Star


Editor Confronts Bitter Truth Of Headline Writer’s Lack Of Imagination


“A bitter finding”

– Toronto Star

“A bitter pill to swallow”


– headline on the next page of the Toronto Star


It’s Never Safe To Bet Against Empire, No Matter How Diminished


“Bettors across the U.K. firmly forecasting a No vote in Scotland”

– Globe and Mail


It’s Never Safe To Bet Against The Real Gamblers


“Markets confident that U.K. will stay intact”

– Globe and Mail


Who Knew The Wrestler Had It In Him?


“Another thoughtful tale from the Rock”

– Toronto Star


It’s Right On Schedule, Then


“With less than a year to go, Pam Am venues face delays and missed deadlines”

– Globe and Mail


Unfortunately, Nobody’s Brave Enough To Get Close Enough To The Reactor Core To Take Advantage Of The Opportunity


“Public has their say on nuclear waste”

– Toronto Star


Asked And Answered


“Does he have what it takes?”

– Toronto Sun

“Doug Ford not yet qualified to be mayor”


– Toronto Sun


In One Policy, Out Another


“Electronic tracking of immigrants recommended”

– Toronto Star

“Advocates condemn traffic stops of migrants”


– Toronto Star


Minister Zeno Certain It Will Be Established Soon


“Climate: Environment Minister says Canada is ‘moving toward’ carbon target”

– Globe and Mail


No Takebacks! …Or, Umm, Maybe Some…


“HP recalls power cords after burns, damage cited”

– Toronto Star

“Ford issues massive recall for steering, corrosion issues”


– Globe and Mail

“Baby food subject of voluntary recall”


– Toronto Star

“U.S. agency prompts baby monitor recall”


– Toronto Star

“Subaru issues second recall for defect in brake lines”


– Toronto Star

“2013 Ford Escape SUVs recalled over fire risks
Oil leak plagues carmaker’s bestselling model, affecting over 161,000 vehicles globally”


– Toronto Star

“Toyota recalls 430,500 cars over various safety issues”


– Globe and Mail

“GM recalls 475,000 vehicles”


– Globe and Mail

“GM issues six more safety recalls for 823,000 vehicles”


– Globe and Mail

“GM adds 2.6 million more to recall list
U.S. automaker announces four more potential defects, will double charge in second quarter to $400-million”


– Globe and Mail

“Toyota recall cases total 6.4 million worldwide”


– Toronto Star

“Plague of recalls continue at GM
Ignition issue forces automaker to call back 3.16 million vehicles”


– Toronto Star

“GM victims fund will pay out billions
Troubled automaker announces another 7.6 million recalls”


– Toronto Star


Like Pop-up Ads On Your Favourite Web Site Or Your Weird Uncle


“Experimental Ebola drug ‘well tolerated’ by patients, company says”

– Globe and Mail


If Only The Writers Of These Headlines Had Compared Notes…


“Jordan clears cleric of terrorism charge
Man with Al Qaeda tied jailed for plotting attacks in 2000″

– Toronto Star

“How to curb compulsive shopping habits
Seeking support of loves ones, sticking to a budget among expert’s key recommendations”


– Toronto Star


The Rolling Stones?


“If not the WHO, then who?”

– Globe and Mail


As A Result, Country’s Ranking Among Most Boring Places In The World Drops Three Places


“Canadian caught with 51 live turtles in his pants”

– Globe and Mail


Leave a Reply