“Harry, what are you doing?”
“I’m watching the Blue Jays’ season opener. What’s it look like?”
“It looks like a non-representational painting that moves…”
“Very funny, Denise. It’s TSN.”
“The Sports Network? But, we don’t pay to have it descrambled.”
“Why do you think it looks like this?”
“I thought it was something I ate – oh! What was that?”
“Wow! A double play…I think…”
“Are you sure? I thought I saw a player scratching his crotch.”
“Denise! Really!”
“Okay, okay, I could be mistaken. It’s hard to tell with this scrambled picture. But, that was what it looked like to me.”
“Well, it looked like a double play to me! Okay?”
“Okay! No need to get defensive. Harry…I never knew you were a baseball fan.”
“I’m not.”
“No?”
“Are you kidding? I can’t stand baseball. I think it’s the slowest, most boring thing on TV. Even worse than Lace, Part Two.”
“Whoa – that bad, hunh? Then, why -?”
“I mean, you have to sit through two and a half, sometimes three hours of so-called ‘play’ just to see the five or, at most, 10 minutes of real action!”
“Yeah, I know, but -“
“I’d rather watch three hours of Question Period!”
“Harry!”
“Yes, Denise?”
“If you feel that way about baseball, why are you risking your eyesight to watch this game?
“Because it’s the Blue Jays.”
“Oh. Of course. I don’t get it.”
“It’s our city’s team, and they’re contenders. Doesn’t that make you proud to live in Toronto?”
“No.”
“Don’t you have any civic pride?”
“Of course I do. But, there are a lot better reasons to be proud you live in Toronto. Like the cleanliness and safety of our streets, or our tolerance for diversity. And, what about the Royal Ontario Museum or the Art Gallery or the Planetarium? Why don’t you stare at the CN Tower for three hours? What about the Canadian National Exhibition, the Science Centre, the O’Keefe and the Royal Alex? Don’t you like them?”
“Oh, they’re all okay, I guess. But, they’re not a sports team…”
“I don’t believe I’m hearing this. Don’t you realize that none of these guys are from Toronto? In fact, I don’t think any of them are from Canada. I’ll bet most of them didn’t know where Canada was before they came here to play!”
“Hey! Hey! I know all about that.”
“So, how can they make you proud of Toronto when they don’t really represent the city?”
“Because that’s not the point. Do you see what’s on their jerseys?”
“No.”
“Concentrate. You get used to the picture after a while.”
“Tor…Toremalinos? No…Tournados? Isn’t that a Mexican dish?”
“Right. Toronto. As long as they are based in this city -“
“Ooh! What was that?”
“Umm…I think Jesse Barfield beaned somebody with a line drive.”
“Really? It looked to me like the pitcher spat on his resin bag. Such a refined sport, baseball is! Now, you were saying?”
“Just that they wear the name of this city, so we should be proud of their achievements and support them, that’s all.”
“We should, hunh? Harry, how long have you been ‘supporting’ the Blue Jays?”
“What…what do you mean?”
“How long have you been watching Blue Jay games?”
Oh. Since about…the middle of last season.”
“Really? That’s some kind of civic pride you’ve got there. You’ve been watching the Blue Jays since it started looking like they’d be winners. Now, don’t you think that’s hypocritical?”
“Well…no…”
“Why not?”
“Well, you know that I can’t stand baseball…”