“Vote!”
“Stop pointing that gun at me!”
“I’ll stop pointing the gun at you when you vote!”
“I’ll vote when you stop pointing that gun at me.”
“Will you really?”
“Sure. As soon as you explain to me what voting is.”
“Voting is the free expression of the political will of the people.”
“Does it usually involve threats with weapons?”
“Well…no.”
“Then, stop pointing that gun at me!”
“I’ll stop pointing the gun at you when you vote!”
“I’ll vote when you stop pointing that gun at me.”
“I don’t think you’re very clear on the concept of voting.”
“I don’t think you’re explaining it very well!”
“What do you want to know?”
“What do I have to do?”
“You have to go to a specially designated place and put an X next to the name of the person you want to lead the country.”
“The dictator?”
“No, no, no, no, no, no, no.”
“Who else can lead the country?”
“Somebody who is not a dictator.”
“And I can tell him what to do?”
“Well…no. But if you don’t like the job he’s doing you can vote him out at the next election …”
“So, between elections, he’s a dictator?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because you voted for him.”
“Voting doesn’t sound that impressive to me.”
“But you have to vote!”
“Then, stop pointing that gun at me!”
“I’ll stop pointing the gun at you when you vote!”
“I’ll vote when you stop pointing that gun at me.”
“Okay, look -“
“Do people vote where you’re from?”
“Of course! That’s why we recommend it for everybody.”
“Does everybody from where you’re from vote?”
“Well…no.”
“How many people vote?”
“About 60 per cent of the registered voters.”
“And how many people are registered voters?”
“About 70 per cent of the population.”
“That’s less than half of your population. Why so few? Don’t you hold guns to their heads?”
“Of course not! We’re a free society!”
“Then, why don’t they vote?”
“That’s their choice in a free and democratic society.”
“So, why can’t I not vote?”
“Because you don’t live in a free and democratic society…not yet.”
“Okay. I’ll bite. What will make my society free and democratic?”
“When you vote!”
“Stop pointing that gun at me!”
“I’ll stop pointing the gun at you when you vote!”
“I’ll vote when you stop pointing that gun at me.”
“Must it always come to this?”
“You started it. I was perfectly happy living in my yurt, eating wheat curd and tending to my yak. Then, you came along and pointed a gun at my head.”
“We want you to take voting seriously.”
“Have your people always voted?”
“No. There was a time when we didn’t vote.”
“How did you start voting?”
“There was a revolution.”
“And somebody put a gun to your heads?”
“No, no, no, no, no, no, no. We put a gun to their heads and sent them away.”
“Why don’t you give me the gun, then?”
“What?”
“That’s the way your people started to vote. I mean, I don’t have the history of freedom and democracy that you do, but it looks to me like you’re doing things a little backwards here – don’t you think?”
“A good soldier never thinks.”
“Do soldiers run your democracy?”
“No. Our democracy is run by civilians.”
“Then, why are your soldiers trying to start democracy in our country?”
“Are you people always so…argumentative?”
“Do your people always point guns at the heads of people they claim they’re trying to help?”
“I just want you to vote.”
“Stop pointing that gun at me!”
“I’ll stop pointing the gun at you when you vote!”
“I’ll vote when you stop pointing that -“
BANG!
“Oh, dammit! I hate when that happ – hey! You! Yes, you! Come here! No, no, over here! I want to teach you all about the joys of political self-determination!”