Curtain up on a quiet newsroom. A young reporter, JIMMY, is sitting behind a Video Display Terminal, typing. Enter NATHANSON.
NATHANSON: (standing behind Jimmy) Jimmy?
JIMMY: (looking up) Yes, Mr. Nathanson?
NATHANSON: How’s that story on the cancer in the big toe of the President’s left foot coming along?
JIMMY: Almost done, sir.
NATHANSON: Excellent, my boy. Excellent…
JIMMY: (hesitantly) Mr. Nathanson…?
NATHANSON: Yes, Jimmy?
JIMMY: (awkward) Well…umm, I was…uhh, wondering…
NATHANSON: Spit it out, boy. I’m a busy man.
JIMMY: Yes, sir. I’ve been writing on this paper for six years, now…
NATHANSON: I don’t need to be reminded of the obvious!
JIMMY: No, sir.
NATHANSON: Then, what’s your point?
JIMMY: Well, it’s just that, I always seem to get stories about how to wash spiked hair or Mrs. Bugatelli’s cat getting stuck up a tree. I was wondering when…well, when I could cover some real news.
NATHANSON: (stroking his chin thoughtfully) Did you have any particular story in mind?
JIMMY: Gee, Mr. Nathanson, I don’t know. I was thinking about something like the 40th anniversary of the United Nations or…or, maybe the arms talk between Ronald Reagan and Mik…Mik…
NATHANSON: Do you stutter, boy?
JIMMY: No, sir.
NATHANSON: It’s Mikhail Gorbachev.
JIMMY: Yeah, him.
Nathanson puts his arm around Jimmy’s shoulder, finds it awkward and settles for patting him on the head.
NATHANSON: (fatherly) I understand how you feel, Jimmy. You know, I was once young myself.
JIMMY: Oh, no! Not you, Mr. Nathanson!
NATHANSON: (stern) Don’t interrupt when I’m talking to you, boy.
JIMMY: Yes, sir. Sorry, sir.
NATHANSON: (dreamily) Yes, I was once eager to go after that big story, to report on world events. But, you know, there’s more to journalism than that. (start music) Take this summit talk, for instance. You may think it’s important, but…
(singing) It’s a still in Life, a cover
Of a dark and cramped boardroom
The air is tense with anger
And papers fill the gloom
And, they only talk of shadows
Drunk with unused power, like missiles in the air
You can hear a silent dare, in
BOTH: (singing) The dangling negotiations
The superficial tries
That endanger all our lives
NATHANSON: (singing) And, they read their list of demands
And, we our daily news
About the latest ASAT tests
Against an aging Cruise
And, they talk of space based lasers
Trapped in ideologies which neither can control
You can see assembly lines roll, despite
BOTH: (singing) The dangling negotiations
The superficial tries
That endanger all our lives
NATHANSON: (singing) And, the debate goes on for hours
On issues too hot to ignore
“Can we verify your arsenal?”
“If we can’t, can we build more?”
And, the terms are poorly written
And, no one seems to listen, they’ve better things to do
They’re a danger, now, unto us, lost in
BOTH: (singing) The dangling negotiations
The superficial tries
That endanger all our lives
JIMMY: Wow – that was pretty, Mr. Nathanson.
NATHANSON: (gruff) But, you do see my point, right, Jimmy?
JIMMY: Well…umm…not really, sir.
NATHANSON: (sighing) You see, my boy, there are no small stories, only small reporters. Now do you get it?
JIMMY: Oh. You mean, you shouldn’t go looking for stories in other countries when you can find them in your own backyard?
NATHANSON: No…not really. Never mind all that. Did you say that Mrs. Bugatelli’s cat is stuck up a tree again?
Curtain.
(with grandiose apologies to Simon and Garfunkel)