Aren’t Wars Started That Way?
“If you want to convince the local population of an island in southeast Asia that you’re crazy, training for a marathon is an excellent way to start.”
– Leah McLaren, Globe and Mail
NOW YOU TELL US?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
“I readily concede I chunked aside some of my free market principles when I was told by [my] chief economic advisors that the situation we were facing could be worse than the Great Depression.”
– former President George W. Bush, in his final press conference
So You Could Slam Him For Stealing?
“Barack Obama could profitably borrow a few pages from Richard Nixon’s playbook.”
– Conrad Black in the National Post
Aww, Dude, It’s No Fun If You Give Us Permission!
“I was out of order beyond belief. I was out of order. I acted like a punk. I regret that! Feel free to make fun of me at my expense; I deserve it completely.”
– Christian Bale, kind of apologizing on a profane tirade on set
Before Or After It Gives Them Millions In Bonuses?
“The private sector is more efficient than government because it purges its mistakes.”
– National Post opinion piece
It Would Probably Come As A Shock To Them, Too, If They Hadn’t Voted For It
“Americans are about to get the sharpest left-turn in public policy since the 1960s.”
– David Frum in the National Post
We Don’t Actually Intend To Work With You, But Still…
“We’re going to bring this party to every corner, every board room, every neighbourhood, every community. We’re going to say to friend and foe alike, ‘We want you…to work with us.'”
– National Republican Committee Chair Michael Steele (did we mention he’s black?)
It Gives Shallow Young Starlets Something To Talk About?
“The one thing I don’t understand about men is nipples… Honestly, why? …What is the function of the male nipple?”
– Scarlett Johansson
Tories Should Feel Free To Set The Example At Any Time…Any Time Now…
“Canadians are concerned about the economy right now; they don’t want to see politicians playing political games at the moment.”
– Kory Teneycke, Prime Minister Stephen Harper’s communications director
What Can You Do About Somebody Who So Obviously Hates Our Freedoms?
“What made me do it was the humiliation Iraq has been subjected to due to the US occupation and the murder of innocent people. I wanted to restore the pride of the Iraqis in any way possible, apart from using weapons.”
– Muntazer al-Zaidi explains why he threw his shoes at President Bush
Grassroots Canadians Check Their Calendars, Say They’ll Get To Senate Reform In 2078
“I think we are seeing recognition among the provinces that there needs to be reform of the Senate and I think the driving force is grassroots Canadians are asking for it.”
– Minister of State for Democratic Reform Steven Fletcher
David, Please Come Back From Bizarro World – Your Family Misses You!
“The contrast between Obama’s ideology-first, results-last leadership and the cautious pragmatism of Harper’s government shows strongly now.”
– David Frum in The National Post
Wasn’t It The Innovation Of Financial Markets That Got Us Into This Mess In The First Place?
“Clearly, more regulation is needed. But, it’s not clear what the answer is. You don’t want to snuff out the innovation and dynamism of the financial markets.”
– John Curtis, former Canadian trade official
My Cronies On The Board And I Shared A Good Laugh At That One…Just, Please Don’t Spread It Around, Okay?
“What if…that stuff about capitalism being a meritocracy was always baloney?”
– Matt Miller, author of The Tyranny of Dead Ideas
As Long As Everybody Knows How Cute My Cats Are, I Can Do Without The Job
“Facebook can comfort you with knowledge that your high-school sweetheart is twice divorced and still wearing trucker hats. It can help you remember your old roommate’s birthday. It can show everyone you know just how cute your cats are. But can it get you a job?”
– Alison Broverman in The National Post
Don’t Be So Modest, Chuck: You’ll Always Be In Your Own World
“We’re all in a different world, and not just Conservatives, either.”
– Indian Affairs Minister Chuck Strahl, on the global economic crisis
How Do You Know You Can’t Retain Them? It’s Not Like You’ve Been Able To Attract Them…
“We cannot attract and retain the best and the brightest talent … if employees believe their compensation is subject to continued and arbitrary adjustment by the U.S. Treasury”
– Edward M. Liddy, appointed by the government to take charge at AIG
I Think My Irony Gland Just Ruptured
“I don’t want to judge other people.”
– Ann Coulter, responding to a question about Bristol Palin’s split from her child’s father, Levi Johnson
…If He Had Actually Been A Great CEO
“[Rick] Wagoner harvested the wages of appeasement yesterday. He appeased the union and it ultimately cost him his job and his place in history. He could have been a great CEO.”
– Peter Morici, University of Maryland, on the CEO of General Motors
Kick Him In The Shimkus!
“The earth will end only when God declares it’s time to be over. A man will not destroy this earth… Today, we have about 388 parts per million in the atmosphere, I think in the age of the dinosaurs, where we had the most flora and fauna, we were probably at 4,000 parts per million. There is a theological debate that this is a carbon-starved planet, not too much carbon.”
– Republican representative John Shimkus at a House Subcommittee on Energy and Environment meeting
We Can All Agree That Listening To Your Rationalizations Is Torture
“[T]here are things that you can call waterboarding that I am thoroughly convinced are not torture. There are things that you can call waterboarding that might be torture… The point that ought to be understood is that throwing a term around recklessly for its emotional content doesn’t really get you anywhere.”
– former Attorney General John Ashcroft
…As Long As I’ve Got My Job
“This is a mild economic recession.”
– Finance Minister Jim Flaherty
Oh, Dig Yourself In Deeper, Jim
“These are relatively mild challenges for us.”
– Finance Minister Jim Flaherty, again