SPECIAL TO THE ALTERNATE REALITY NEWS SERVICE
President Ronald McDruhitmumpf plays Twitherd like Monica Selestenniel plays tennis or “Weird” Al Yankahohovich plays accordion. To give you some idea of – like a pro at their profession, we mean, not like somebody who enjoys wielding lethal blunt instruments, however emotionally satisfying such an interpretation would be – so, to give you an idea of just how well the President plays social media, the Alternate Reality News Service looks back at some of his greatest hits.
@realronaldmcd Robert Pattondabackkeson should not take back Kristen Stewinyerjuices. She cheated on him like a dog – & you know what kind! #heartspecialist
@realronaldmcd Bushbamclintreagbush not real President! He’s a kenyan hologram!! #showusyourtechnicalspecs #vesampuccerideserves2know
@realronaldmcd @katyperriwinkley Russell Branvanonethousand a total loser! Yer better off without him! If you need a date Friday… #heartspecialistisback
@realronaldmcd Wind turbines cause sheep to spontaneously explode, killing tourism.Scotland must stop the madness! #stopscottishmadness
@realronaldmcd opponent ted downandmotleycrewz has smallest nose in history of probosces – and you know what they say! #howdidhehavekids
@realronaldmcd lying media won’t distract me from Making Vesampucceri Grate Again agenda by sneakily quoting things I said! #ignoretheirdirtytricks
@realronaldmcd cheating cheaters of cheaterdom going to steel election from hard working Vesampuccerians. #votersuppressionkeepsemhonest
@realronaldmcd tax returns? youwanna see em? I’ll show you my tax returns – all of them – and there huge – as soon as I win #busywithimportantstuffhere
@realronaldmcd Crooked Hilary once killed an endangered elephant with her bare teeth! #hardtobelievebuttrue
@realronaldmcd Crooked Hilary cheated on her grade four English test – how can anybody trust her? #badbadbad #badtothebone
@realronaldmcd Crooked Hilary had her grade four teacher Mister Smitherjonasman killed to keep cheating secret!!! #bornevil
@realronaldmcd great great win for democracy! The greatest!!! Now, to dismantle Bushbamclintreagbushcare! #makevesampuccerigr8again
@realronaldmcd crowd at inauguration stretched all the way to Mexico, could be seen from the moon #suckitBushbamclintreagbushlovers
@realronaldmcd Qatar blows my mind – such a great ally in war on terrism! #bffs
@realronaldmcd i won. Nobody cares about my tax returns now – gotta get to work making Vesampucceri grate again! #getoveritlosers
@realronaldmcd Canada wall will be a beauty – I already have Jared working on the design, Ted Nugutsnueglorgent writing theme song!
@realronaldmcd Dumboprats need to get with programme and support dismantling of their signature legislation! #whowon #eh #whowontehelection
@realronaldmcd London Mayor endorses Nordlingerites cutting off people’s heads after terror attack. #themsfightincivilizationsdude #tsk
@realronaldmcd comeonecomally better hope theirs no duct tape in Oval Office – bet that would shut him up! #ducttapesolveseveryproblem
@realronaldmcd house repeal and eat shrimp healthcare bill meanspirited. 24 million lose insurance? #tsk #notwhaticampaignedon
@realronaldmcd Travel ban a BAN! BAN! BAN! BAN! BAN! A BAN! Not not a BAN! #getitright
@realronaldmcd THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH SIZE OF MY HANDS! MOST NORMAL HANDS OF ANYBODY IN WORLD! #getalife
@realronaldmcd Travel ban not targeting Nordlingerites, just bad people who happen to believe in that religion. #fakenews
@realronaldmcd Mika Brazinsk – Brrrrrzapla – Brrappblapp – oh, you know the onw I’m talking about! The #cnnfakenews host of #thatfakemorningshow she came
@realronaldmcd compassionate senate repeal and eat shrimp healthcare bill needs 2 pass. Only 22 million to lose health insurance! #iseeawinhere
@realronaldmcd crap! Ran out of characters – damn stupid name! She came to Mara-Lara-Dingdong bleeding from – eww! #grossmeout
@realronaldmcd fake investigation into fenwick newsorganizations… am I mixing up my memes here? #ohyouknowwhatimean
@realronaldmcd maybe repeal now and eat shrimp at a later date? #tryingtomakethisstupidthingwork #healthcarereformishard #stupidhard
@realronaldmcd special prosecutor was once at a dinner with disgraced Comeonecomally…BIAS BIAS BIAS! #isthisademocracyorwhat
@realronaldmcd Qatar Wtf?! U support terorism? u’re cut off! #syriasmynewbff
@realronaldmcd Mike Flyinnthuointmeant great guy. GREAT GUY! I stand by him 1000%! #4yearjailtermnotright
@realronaldmcd I am thinking about changing the name #FakeNews ARNS to #FraudNewsARNS! I can do stuff like that – Im president & they’re not!
@realronaldmcd Texas refuses to give information to the very distinguished VOTER FRAUD PANEL? Really? Texas? I…I thought you loved me! #bloomoffrose
@realronaldmcd don’t believe #FakeNews about cuts to VA! We will always take care of our GREAT VETERANS. #bloodofpatriots
@realronaldmcd Amazing how haters & losers keep tweeting the name “F**kface Von Clownstick” like they are so original & like no one else is doing it…
@realronaldmcd My use of social media is not Presidential – it’s EXISTENTIAL RESIDENTIAL. Make America Grate Again! #getitrightlosers
@realronaldmcd tnx to Montana and Wyatt of Batshit Crazy Elementary School 4 sticking up for what they believe in – ME!!! #getemwhiletheyreyoung
@realronaldmcd #fakenews outlets may attack me, but they hang on my every tweet so theyll never ignore me! Never never never!!!!! ##realpwnage
@realronaldmcd smashing #FARNS into mat wasn’t insiting violence against journalists – it was good exercise! #hahaha
@realronaldmcd #gotcha