Oil Company Executives Clearly Have No Children
“We leaned in [to traditional oil and gas] when others leaned out, bucking conventional wisdom.”
– ExxonMobil CEO Darren Woods
“I play to win… We are in the business to make money, and as much of it as possible… Today, we win by creating value through our large integrated asset base underpinned by oilsands.”
– Suncor CEO Rick Kruger
“[T]he energy system of today continues to desperately need oil and gas… [It would be] ‘dangerous and irresponsible’ for oil companies to be distracted from its mission of energy security.
– Shell CEO Wael Sawan
The Roofs Could Be Made Of Inferior Materials To Save Money – Which, Okay, Would Be The Fault Of Government Policy
But Much-needed Repairs Could Be Delayed To Save Money – Which, If I’m Being Honest, Would Also Be The Fault Of Government Policy
But…Locusts? Surely, Locusts Have Nothing To Do With Government Policy! So, I’m Going To Go With Locusts
“A school can collapse for many reasons.”
– Gillian Keegan, the fifth British education minister in the last year, on an evacuation owing to the potential collapse of school buildings
Unless They Agree With Our Policies, In Which Case Indoctrinate Away!
“It’s not up to the teachers, it’s not up to the school boards to indoctrinate our kids.”
– Ontario Premier Doug Ford
It Was A Programming Coup
Of The 150 Million Viewers, At Least A Dozen Were Not X-bots!
“Do I sit there for an hour or two hours, whatever it’s going to be, and get harassed by people that shouldn’t even be running for president? Should I be doing that at a network that isn’t particularly friendly to me?”
– Donald Trump in an interview with Tucker Carlson released on X at the same time as the Republican presidential primary debate on Fox
I’m So Over People Complaining About Cancel Culture Who Can’t Define What It Is (Baudrillard She Ain’t!)
“I’m so over cancel culture. I probably just got cancelled by saying that. I just don’t understand what it means… Is there no redemption? I don’t know. I don’t put everybody in the Harvey Weinstein basket.”
– Jennifer Aniston
“Don’t Vote For The Democratic Woman Of Colour,” Said The Republican Woman Of Colour
Wow. She Must Hate Herself Very Much
“…everyone in America can see Joe Biden’s decline and have concerns about his ability to serve a second term. They know a vote for Joe Biden is a vote for Kamala Harris. The media needs to stop protecting Biden and tell America the truth.”
– Republican presidential hopeful Nikki Haley
“And I Can Say That Safe In The Knowledge That Chief Justice Roberts Will Ensure That It Doesn’t Come.”
“Public scrutiny is welcome. Increasing and enhancing civics education is welcome.”
– Supreme Court Justice Amy Coney Barrett
Oh, Wise Guy, Hunh? Ha! Ha! Ha! Woof! Woof Woof!
“Our country is in decline. We need to send Joe back to his basement so Americans have a chance to succeed again.”
– Republican primary presidential candidate Ron DeSantis
Mould? Rodents? Judge Dredd Wouldn’t Let Little Things Like That Stop Him From Administering Justice!
“I’m absolutely appalled that the government has let it get to this point. A few years ago, the courthouse was closed to do work on these very issues, and rather than fix the issue, it’s back with a vengeance.”
– Ontario lawyer Scott Reid, commenting on a sex-assault trial delayed by a judge’s refusal to work in Milton’s mould-and-rodent-plagued courthouse
As If They Needed Any More Reason To Stay Away
“If Democrat voters choose to flee these Blue states…Well, once they move to a Red state, guess what? Maybe you don’t get to vote for five years.”
– Marjorie Taylor Greene
The Barbarian Isn’t At The Gaetz, He IS The Gaetz
“I am the most investigated man in the entire Congress, and right there you saw Kevin McCarthy lying like a dead dog because I have never asked him to interfere in any ethics matter.”
– Matt Gaetz
And Then I Ignore It All And Do What Developers Tell Me, Because You Can’t Run A Government On Feelings
“I meet with the common folks. Do you know what I do? I want to find out what the people are doing. I go into the local Walmarts, the Home Depots, the Sobeys and the Loblaws and the Metros to talk to people. I go into the Canadian Tires. That’s where you get how people are feeling.”
– Ontario Premier Doug Ford
I Could Tell You, But Then I’d Have To Pill You
“I’m not going to tell you. I’ll tell people later at an appropriate time.”
– Donald Trump, when asked if he watched the January 6 insurrection on TV as it happened
But When [CONFIDENTIAL] And [CONFIDENTIAL] Sued [CONFIDENTIAL], The Walrus Testified That [CONFIDENTIAL], Which Should Have Ended The [CONFIDENTIAL] Suit Right There!
“Confidentiality clauses are standard practice in reality programming to prevent disclosure of storylines prior to air. They are not intended to prevent disclosure by cast and crew of unlawful acts in the workplace, and they have not been enforced in that manner.”
– spokesperson for Bravo
It’s Exactly Like Your Channel, Then…
“Everyone’s just talking…nothing happened.”
– WWE star and YouTuber Logan Paul explaining why he walked out of the film Oppenheimer
The Russia Of Racist Pogroms, Internal Repression And Brutal Wars Of Attrition? That Inheritance You Can Forget
“You are the heirs of the great Russia. The great Russia of the saints, of the kings, of the great Russia of Peter the Great, of Catherine II, that great imperial Russia… Never forget this inheritance… Thank you for your way of being, for your way of being Russian.”
– Pope Francis in a speech to Russian youths
But If It’s Going On Behind Us, We Don’t Have To Actually See It
And The Smell Could Be Natural – Nature Is Full Of Rotting Things
And The Smoke Could Be From A Barbecue – Especially When It’s Close To Mealtime
We’re Very Good At Not Acknowledging Inconvenient Truths
“We can’t stand there next to a dumpster on fire and not acknowledge that it’s on fire behind us.”
– former New Zealand Prime Jacinda Ardern on the climate crisis