Yeah, That’s Horrible! How Can Anybody With A Conscience Possib –
Wait, What Did You Say The Blood Libel Is? Because If It Doesn’t Include Drinking The Blood Of Christian Babies, I Think It Doesn’t Mean What You Think It Means!
“The root of antisemitism, the core of antisemitism to me, is the idea of blood libel. The idea that because of your genetics, because of your blood, you are guilty of a crime that you never committed.”
– Vice President JD Vance
Does He Have One Of Elon Musk’s Brain/Computer Interfaces So That He Can Always Access A Generative AI?
Or Has He Eaten From The Trough So Often That He Thinks In Slop?
“Because of the elevated energy prices, we are at a headline inflation rate of about 3.5. Americans on average are breaking even and working-class Americans at the bottom of the wage spectrum are doing a little better. The good news is wage increases are going to keep going. This war will end and those will turn into wage gains.”
– Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent
Notice That His Job Title Doesn’t Mention Which State He’s Secretary Of
Just Sayin’…
“If you criticize Israel, you will not be granted a visa for the United States.”
– Secretary of State Marco Rubio
“What? Zohran Mamdami Didn’t Come To The 9/11 Ceremony? That Shows How Little He Cares For The People Of New York!”
– Also Vicki Paladino
“I’m not asking politely for the mayor not to come to 9/11 ceremony. I am demanding he not show his face at that sacred ground. He does not belong there. We, the people, do not care for Zohran Mamdami.”
– New York City Councilwoman Vickie Paladino
You Can Put The Hat On The Ass, But You Can’t Take The Ass Out Of The Hat
“Under Joe Biden, Democrats brought this country to the brink of ruin… everyday life became more expensive. What a difference a new president can make.”
– Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent
Please, Senator, Don’t Try Colloquial. You Just Don’t Do Colloquial Well.
Otherwise, Everything You Said Was Bullshit.
But The Colloquial? That’s Just Embarrassing!
“Think about how incredibly dangerous states like California [are] that want to take away your kids if you don’t agree with the pronouns the schools chooses for your kids…they’re coming for our culture…if you don’t want to stand up and fight for the soul of this country, your wood is wet. It’s that simple.”
– Senator Tim Scott
Donald Practices The Subtle Diplomatic Art Of A Boot To The Head
“Canada wants to make a deal very badly just like Iran wants to make a deal very badly. I hope Canada appreciates being in the same sentence with Iran.”
– US President Donald Trump
Hasan Piker: For Times When George Soros Stops Being Scary Enough
“Hasan Piker is the new consultant and strategist for the Democrat party. He is the man they are leaning on to choose their policies…. The Democrat party fundamentally has sided with the jihadists.”
– Stephen Miller
For Canadians, On The Other Hand, Lying Is Just A Hobby
“The Iranians are not trustworthy negotiating partners. They lie every day. For some of them, it’s part of their religion.”
– House Speaker Mike Johnson
If Trump Has His Way, The Days Of Using America’s Museums To Teach Americans ANYTHING Is Coming To An End
“The days of using America’s museums to teach Americans to hate their own country are coming to an end.”
– Congressman Brandon Gill
Republicans Have This Weird Fixation On Trans Kids…I Don’t Think They Need To Be Around Power
“He seems to have this weird fixation on kindergarteners… I don’t think he needs to be around kids.”
– Republican Representative Anna Paulina Luna on Democrat James Talarico
We Would Happily Trade With Mars, But They’re Not Returning Our Calls!
“If Canada thinks the EU is a better partner than the United States, they are going to make a terrible decision.”
– Representative Marlin Stutzman
Reporter: But If It Had Called What It Was Doing A War, Wouldn’t That Underscore That It Was Committing War Crimes?
The Dersh: Oh. Right. Never Mind.
“Israel’s mistake is it should have declared war on Gaza the way the United States declared war on Germany. It didn’t declare war on the Nazi Party, it declared war on Germany…Israel is fighting a war against a nation, the nation of Gaza.”
– Alan Dershowitz
Hasn’t Anybody Ever Explained To You That Only Insecure People Need To Brag?
“Their policies aren’t just wrong. Their policies are evil. I wish it weren’t true. It is. You cannot sit on the sidelines when we are trying to save this country from an agenda that is sinister and wicked and morally indefensible.”
– Stephen Miller
Are The 107 Million Viewers In The Room With Us Now?
“We had a convention a couple of weeks ago that a lot of you said, oh, it’s a midterm. It’s never been done before. It’s going to be a failure. And they put it against the NFL. And we had 107 million views, and the NFL had 25 million views. It was really successful.”
– Donald Trump, President of Absurdistan
So…They’re Consistent?
“Democrats are always incredibly disingenuous. They do 360s on every single policy position they have.”
– Karoline Leavitt, whose current job status has changed from bimbolicious to limbolicious
Have You Considered A Career In Standup Comedy? Because That’s Funnier Than An “And Boy, Are My Arms Tired!” Gag!
“I flew in from Washington DC this morning for one reason – the American people were robbed. And they deserve to know.”
– Attorney General Todd Blanche
Reporter: And If That Doesn’t Work, You Can Always Make The Phone Explode?
Netanyahu: I Don’t Mean To Brag, But…
“I can penetrate this machine (a smartphone) and make you out to be a monster. And if I say it enough people believe it.”
– Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu