When He Said That, He Was Momentarily Confused And Thought He Was At A Proud Boys Rally
“I am the least racist person in this room.”
– President Donald Trump at the final Presidential debate
Especially The American Worker In My Factories In China
“On this Labour Day, we honour the American worker, past and present, who built our great country.”
– Ivanka Trump
They Learned From The Best
“This is the type of thing you would expect from a big polluter, what a big polluter would say 20 years ago.”
– Heritage Minister Steven Guilbeault on the resistance tech giants like Facebook and Google have shown to governments attempting to limit them
I Would Have Thought Tanks Would Have Been More Effective…
“The Chinese government has used a new security law to crush Hong Kong’s pro-democracy opposition with swiftness.”
– cutline for a photo in the New York Times
That Would Be A First
“We need an economic recovery that’s inclusive and equitable for all Canadians.”
– Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announces a $220 million programme to help Black-owned business and entrepreneurs
Okay, Boomer
We’ll Stay Off Your Lawn
Other Than That, No Promises
“I always brag we have the brightest students anywhere in the world in university and college. Prove it. Don’t go to those big parties…I just can’t stress it enough.”
– Premier Doug Ford advises students going back to school
That Would Have Sounded More Sincere If You Hadn’t Been Looking In The Mirror When You Said It
“If confirmed, I would not assume that role for the sake of those in my own circle, and certainly not for my own sake. I would assume this role to serve you.”
– Judge Amy Coney Barrett after being announced as Donald Trump’s nominee to fill the vacant Supreme Court seat
You Can Appreciate Why He Would Want More Serious Dramatic Roles: He Wanted To Spend More Time Onscreen Wearing Shirts!
“The romantic comedies remained my only consistent box office hits, which made them my only consistent incoming offers…I had taken the baton from Hugh Grant, and I ran with it.”
– Matthew McConaughey
A Cautionary Tale For Matthew McConaughey
“I’ve learned to cut hair. I started by cutting my daughter’s Barbie’s hair out of sheer boredom, and I discovered I was extremely talented, and then I started cutting my children’s hair, whether they wanted a haircut or not. I used to strap them to a chair to cut their hair.”
– Hugh Grant
When Did “Coyotes” And “Cartels” Become Intelligence Code Names For “Parents?”
“Children are brought here by coyotes and lots of bad people, cartels. They used them to get into our country.”
– President Donald Trump at the final Presidential debate
Maybe If You’re In A Room Full Of Hitler Clones…
“I am the least racist person in the room.”
– President Donald Trump, also at the final Presidential debate
Blindly Throw A Dart At A Map On The Wall – The Buck Stops There
“I take full responsibility. It’s not my fault it came here, it’s China’s fault.”
– President Donald Trump, once again at the final Presidential debate
He Stroked The Emembers Of Passion In Female Audience Members
“1930-2020
Rembering the original James Bond”
– Toronto Star front page
Or, He Could Just Make The Republican Playbook Public
“The best thing for America’s future is for @realDonaldTrump to go to total war over this election to expose all of the fraud, cheating, dead/no longer in state voters, that has been going on for far too long.”
– Donald Trump, Jr., on Twitter
The Electorate Sure Saw It That Way
“The more chaos and anarchy and vandalism and violence reigns, the better it is for the very clear choice on who’s best on public safety, and law and order.”
– KellyAnne Conway
Besides, Everybody Knows That Kids Are Germ Factories –
What’s The Difference If We Add One More Product Line To The Mix?
“There is no world in which you could reduce class sizes in half and reopen the schools for the current school year. It’s simply fictitious. It has nothing to do with reality.”
– Alberta Premier Jason Kenny, who estimated the cost in that province at $4 billion
Talk About Fumbling The Hand-off!
“I take that as a personal insult, that people would think I’ve had a 37-year friendship with a racist… Growing up in the Deep South, I’ve seen racism up close. I know what it is And it isn’t Donald Trump.”
– former NFL star and one-time Trump employee Herschel Walker
Who Is Going To Do Well On The Next Episode Of Dancing On The Toes Of Stars
Would A Butter Sculpture Of My Bust Help Or Hurt My Image
Whether Information Is Lost To The Universe When Matter Disappears Into A Black Hole
You know: Things
“It’s fair to say guys are concerned about things.”
– Miami Marlins manager Don Mattingly
The Lord Works In Mysterious Ways
COVID-19 Not So Much
“I know that god will protect us and use us to shake up this nation.”
– Alberta farmer and evangelist Chris Lindberg before his prayer event called It Is Time Canada
“It is true. There was some COVID that happened. You’re looking at a guy right now that has COVID. I am diagnosed with COVID. And I am in quarantine here until the 17th of August.”
– Alberta farmer and evangelist Chris Lindberg after his prayer event called It Is Time Canada, which has been linked to at least 29 new cases of COVID-19
Things Were So Bad, He Found Mice, Mold AND Armed Insurrectionists During His Unplanned Routine Inspection
“Things were so bad that the Secret Service recommended the President go down to the bunker. We can’t have that in our country.”
– Attorney General William Barr, contradicting President Trump’s claim that he went down to the bunker “for a routine inspection”
Methinks He Doth Protest Too Much
“I am the least racist person in this room.”
– President Donald Trump at the final Presidential debate