Jesus, As Ambassador Of Peace And Goodwill, Will Scratch His Head And Mutter, “What The Hell Gave You That Idea?”
“Jesus, as the judge, will overrule the Supreme Court, and what will he do with these two men? It’ll be printed in Heaven’s newspaper in 100 years that God throws them into Hell.”
– former Navy chaplain and current Republican House candidate Gordon “Chaps” Klingenschmitt on Supreme Court rulings against DOMA and California’s Proposition 8
Because If You Aren’t Guilty In This Universe, There’s Bound To Be One Where You Are
“A theft charge against a prospective employee that didn’t result in a conviction, for example, may still be relevant to an employer who serves clients vulnerable to theft… We can’t presume that there isn’t a risk to the employer.”
– Toronto Deputy Police Chief Michael Federico on the city keeping and sharing records of arrests even though no crime was proven
That’s Fair, If A Little Imbalanced
“If I saw Gloria Steinem, I don’t know if I’d hug her or punch her.”
– Fox pundit Andrea Tantoros
Because, Honestly, Not Everybody Is Going To Do Well In Life, And We Wouldn’t Want Them To Get Their Hopes Up Because That Would Just Be Cruel
“Not everybody needs to go to Yale.”
– Republican Senate Minority leader Mitch McConnell
Nothing, Especially If You Can Also Help Yourself In The Process…
“Are you accusing me of doing something? What’s wrong with helping people?”
– Toronto Mayor Rob Ford responds to conflict of interest allegations
Striking Ablow For Right Wing Insanity
“Here’s what we can expect. There’s no way that the state of California can deny a marriage license to four spouses now, eight spouses, or, I would say, three human spouses and the canine they absolutely love. Because if love is the foundation of marriage, they can love their dog, too.”
– Fox News pundit Dr. Keith Ablow responds to a California statute that replaces “husband and wife” with “spouses” throughout state law
Freedom To Make Choices I Agree With – Interesting Definition Of Libertarianism You Got There, Friend
“I think we would be totally in the right to do it. That goes against some parts of libertarianism, I realize, and I’m largely libertarian, but ignoring as a nation things that are worthy of death is very remiss.”
– Oklahoma Republican Tea Party candidate Scott Esk, explaining why he believes in putting homosexuals to death
Because Men, Real Men, Have To Deal With People Who Are Worse Than Scott Esk And Keith Ablow?
“Homosexuality is robbing the potential husbands of women in the black community, and that’s applicable to all women. It’s a lot harder to be a man, a real man and have a family, court a woman, marry a woman, have children, raise a family.”
– Peter La Barbera of Americans for Truth About Homosexuality
Because “Evidence Averse And Geared To Win Votes” Is A Mouthful For A 30 Second Radio Spot
“…evidence-based and non-partisan.”
– Health Minister Rona Ambrose’s assessment of Health Canada’s anti-pot campaign
Although I Admire How They Cross The Rocky Desert In Their Wheelchairs, Some Wheeling IV Drips Next To Them
“I believe your constituents should come first when you talk about people who are impacted. You are to represent us, and we have children. These [migrant children] are people that are coming in with leprosy, tuberculosis, polio.”
– Texas resident Terri Hill, to her State Republican representative, who suggested that migrant children be treated with compassion
Fifty Years Has Not Been Enough?
“We need a little bit more time in the laboratories of democracy to see how this affects crime, and young people, and the economy.”
– CNN pundit S. E. Cupp on marijuana laws
Buyer’s Remorse Takes Many Strange Forms…
“If citizens through the democratic process are unable to make policy decisions because of unelected judges and well-financed interest groups, I submit we collectively lose.”
– Conservative MP Dan Albas
Just One More Example Of The Banality Of Evil Movie Reviewing
“He’s like the Nazis seeking the Holy Gail in Raiders of the Lost Ark, a movie Guardians gleefully pillages, along with Star Wars, Galaxy Quest, Serenity and any number of other sci-fi spectacles of the past century.”
– Toronto Star review of Guardians of the Galaxy
Coming Soon To A Toy Store Near You: Math Is Hard Republican Legislator Barbie
“Men do tend to talk about things on a much higher level. Many of my male colleagues, when they go to the House floor, you know, they’ve got some pie chart or graph behind them and they’re talking about trillions of dollars and how, you know, the debt is awful and, you know, we all agree with that… We need our male colleagues to understand that if you can bring it down to a woman’s level and what everything that she is balancing in her life – that’s the way to go.”
– Republican Representative Renee Ellmers
Because – Surprise Surprise – The Really Lame Jokes Previous Hosts Told Didn’t Work For Them
“Really good jokes are the best things for me to have.”
– Seth Meyers talking about his gig as Prime Time Emmys host
As Usual, The Mayor Is The Last To Know
“I have a major problem with the honour system.”
– Toronto Mayor Rob Ford on a proposal to use the honour system on some lines on the TTC
Why? Were The Cops Itching To Play With Their Army Surplus Tanks Again?
“[H]e’s lucky to get out of here alive.”
– Kentucky judge Sandra McLaughlin on an African-American defendant being arraigned on drug charges who was wearing a Barack Obama t-shirt
This Was Obviously Written In Averse Circumstances
“Meanwhile, medication-adverse Ben, a Petri dish of neuroses and psychosis, feverishly works on creating a utopian society based on his hysterically penned manifesto…”
– Toronto Star film review
My American Distributor Made Me Say That…
“It wasn’t about changing the ending but adding more of a story to the ending, and I agreed.”
– The F Word director Michael Dowse on changing the ending of the film