Could He Have Been At The Ribbon Cutting Ceremony For A New High-rise Apartment?
Tell Me He Was At The Ribbon Cutting Ceremony For A New High-rise Apartment
Please, Please, PLEASE Tell Me He Was At The Ribbon Cutting Ceremony For A New High-rise Apartment!
“First of all, this election is more than Herschel Walker. This erection is about the people.”
– Georgia Republican Senate candidate Herschel Walker
Now Who Is Selling The Electorate Nostalgia For The 1950s?
“We don’t settle our differences with a riot, or a mob, or a bullet, or a hammer. We settle them peaceably at the ballot box.”
– President Joe Biden
TRANSLATION: Have You Seen How Much Money They Gave Us To Host The 2022 World Cup?
“What we Europeans have been doing for the past 3,000 years we should be apologizing for the next 3,000 years before we start giving moral lessons to people.”
– FIFA President Gianni Infantino responding to criticism of Qatar
Nice Criminal Justice System You Got Here. It Would Be A Shame If Something Happened To It. A Real Shame If It Were To Just…Break… Things Happen. Things Just…Break…
“What they said to me is: as long as I continue to be a team player, they know that I’m on the team, I’m doing the right thing, I’m protecting who I need to protect, you know, I’ll continue to stay in good graces in Trump World. And they have reminded me a couple of times that Trump does read transcripts, and just to keep that in mind as I proceeded through my depositions and interviews with the committee.”
– testimony to the 1/6 committee by former Trump aide Cassidy Hutchinson
I Took The Rhodes More Heavily Travelled, And Holy Shit Did That Make A Difference!
“I was prepared to stop the certification process one way or the other.”
– convicted military veteran Jason Dolan testifying for the prosecution in the capitol insurrection seditious conspiracy trial of Oathkeepers’ founder Stewart Rhodes
Okay, He Actually Immigrated Two Years BEFORE The Communist Revolution, But That Just Shows He Was Politically Psychic
“My Ukrainian great-grandfather Philipis Kolodnycky, fled communism and immigrated to Canada after WW1, where he changed his name to Smith. My political beliefs are largely born out of a complete distrust of the socialism from which my great-grandfather fled.”
– Alberta Premier Danielle Smith
You Can’t Argue With Illogic Like That
“If it was so dangerous, my 92 year-old father wouldn’t be riding his horse in my fields.”
– durum wheat farmer Rod Lanier on glyphosate, which he does not use at harvest
TRANSLATION: He No Longer Serves My Political Purposes, So, Now I’m Just A Former Attorney General Waiting For A Bus
“He failed. He didn’t do what the country hoped – that he would rise to the occasion and rise to the office, and he didn’t do that. He’s had his chance. He obviously doesn’t have the qualities necessary. He should stand aside.”
– Bill Barr on Donald Trump
Mayor Shows Limited Imagination
Fortunately, He Has Staff To Take Care Of That…
“I would expect the number of instances in which I would use this would be very, very limited.”
– Toronto Mayor John Tory on provincial legislation that gives him new powers
Well, I, For One, Am Glad That You’ve Cleared The Air On That Subject
“Since we don’t control the air, our good air decided to float over to China’s bad air. So, when China gets our good air, their bad air got to move. So, it moves over to our good air space. Then – now we got to clean that back up.”
– Republican Senate candidate Herschel Walker
And You Used Him To Overturn Roe v. Wade
Some People Just Don’t Understand How Quid Pro Quos Work
“He used us to win the White House. We had to close our mouths and eyes when he said things that horrified us.”
– Mike Evans, a former member of Donald Trump’s evangelical advisory board, on the former President
Don’t Worry, That Wouldn’t Happen
Your Body Would Just Be Left By The Side Of The Road As Your Surviving Comrades Retreated
Such Is The Glory Of The Motherland
“At 26, I do not want to be carried home in a zinc-lined [coffin] or stain [my] hands with somebody’s blood because of the war of one person who wants to build an empire.”
– Vsevolod, a Russian fleeing his country’s draft
ARE WE SUPPOSED TO BE COMFORTED BY THAT‽
“The fact is I’m not a different mayor than I was yesterday.”
– John Tory
If Only There Was A Vaccine For It…The People Who Needed The Vaccine Most Would Fight Like Hell To Ensure That They Wouldn’t Get It…
“There is an epidemic of hate facing our country… People are no longer saying the quiet parts out loud. They are literally screaming them.”
– second husband Doug Emhoff on the rise of antisemitism in America
He Should Have Met Fuentes At A Harvey’s While Wearing Groucho Glasses
“President Trump was wrong to give a white nationalist, an antisemite and Holocaust denier, a seat at the table, and I think he should apologize for it.”
– former Vice President Mike Pence
If You Do Show Up, Be Resigned To Brutal Treatment
“If you don’t show up, we will assume you have resigned”
– memo from Elon Musk telling Tesla employees they had to work on site at least 40 hours a week
Yeah? Well, That’s What They Said About The Addams Family, And Look At How Successful They Turned Out To Be!
“These are just kooky people…the lunatics are trying to take over the asylum.”
– Jason Kenney on his Conservative Party opponents
Procter And Gamble Planning A New Line Of Men’s Products Based On The Find
“May this tusk root out the lice of the hair and the beard.”
– sentence found on a 3,700 year-old comb, likely the oldest full sentence in Canaanite script