He Isn’t Even The World’s Richest Man Any More
“The richest man in the world is not above the law”
– Shannon Liss-Riordan, a labour lawyer representing Twitter employees Musk fired the moment he took the company private
Whatever Gave The Righteous The Idea That They Would Have Control Over The Dominion?
“Trump won the 2020 election. It was stolen from him.”
– Sean Hannity on Fox News
“I never believed for a second Trump won the 2020 election.”
– Sean Hannity in court under oath
Mayor Needs To Get Out More
“You know who talks to me about Bill 39? Nobody! They talk to me about housing, they talk to me about community safety – nobody talks about [strong mayor powers].”
– Toronto Mayor John Tory
Aha! So It’s More Than Just A Ponzi Scheme!
Take That, Haters!
“Crypto has become the preferred tool for terrorists, for ransomware gangs, for drug dealers and for rogue states that want to launder money.”
– Senator Elizabeth Warren
Is This A Great Country Or What?
“Canadians are making daily sacrifices on essentials like food and utility bills, while the super-rich have outdone even their wildest dreams.”
– Lauren Ravon, Executive Director of OXFAM Canada, on news that the wealth of billionaires grew 51 per cent since the pandemic began
I Take Pride In My Choice – Isn’t That What The Warm-up Was About?
“I respect everyone. I respect everybody’s choices. My choice is to stay true to myself and my religion.”
– Philadelphia Flyer Ivan Provorov, who belongs to the Russian Orthodox Church, on why he didn’t skate in a pride-themed warm-up
Let Them Have Their Fun – You’ll Be Having Your Fun Soon Enough
“They want us to fight each other. That much has been made clear by the popcorn, alcohol and blankets that is coming over there.”
– Representative-elect Kat Cammack, in her speech nominating Kevin McCarthy for Speaker of the House
Perhaps The Republicans Should Stop Doing Their Ross Petty Impression
“Booooooooooo!”
– Democratic response to Representative-elect Cammack
Payton Gendron Is Laughing His Ass Off
“If Adolph Hitler, Mao Tse Tung and Elon Musk were walking down the street, and you gave an American lefty a gun with two bullets – he’d put both in Elon Musk.”
– Larry Elder
It’s A Quiet Sort Of Sorrow
Very Interior
“I’m sorry to be asking for special treatment, but I don’t apologize for it.”
– Toronto Mayor John Tory about his demand for funding from higher levels of government so he doesn’t have to raise property taxes
The Divide Between Church And State Hasn’t Got A Prayer
“Mr. Kennedy prayed during a period when school employees were free to speak with a friend, call for a reservation at a restaurant, check email, or attend to other personal matters. He offered his prayers quietly while his students were otherwise occupied.”
– majority of Supreme Court upholding a football coach’s right to pray on the 50 yard line before a game
TRANSLATION: As Long As There Are Suckers, There Will Be A Market For Cryptocurrencies
“People did not understand how much of an ‘easy money’ asset class cryptocurrencies were in 2020 and 2021. Some cryptos will survive and even thrive in the future, but they moved way too far, way too fast after the Fed engaged in zero interest rate and massive QE policies. Now that these programs have disappeared, it’s going to take a lot longer for the crypto asset class to reach its full potential.”
– Matt Maley, chief market strategist for Miller Tabak and Co.
The American Senate Beat You To It…But, Uhh, I Take Your Point
“We don’t want Toronto city council to become the only elected legislative body in the world that can make decisions by minority rule, because that’s not democracy.”
– Toronto Councillor Josh Matlow
What About Land Developers? Land Developers Are People, Too!
“The premier does not care about the people of this province.”
– Lillian Shery
The Absurd Ironyometer Looks In The Mirror And Wonders, “Is It Just Me?”
“I’ve accepted this media world and I’ve accepted the realm of being this public figure. I’ve started using my voice for good…pushing issues I believe. Like, I’m extremely pro-life.”
– Kyle Rittenhouse, murderer
]TIME FOR A SANTOS BREAK[
And I Won’t Be Until The End Of My Trial, So There!
“I am not a criminal here – not here or in Brazil or any jurisdiction in the world.”
– upstanding citizen George Santos on allegations he committed fraud in Brazil after being caught writing checks with a stolen check book
The One Time He Chooses To Tell The Truth…!
“I will not resign!”
– George Santos
Not Deferential Enough, My Liege?
“This isn’t how you conduct an interview.”
– George Santos
Every Hour Is Story Hour For George, But The Drag Queen One Is Especially Entertaining
“I was not a drag queen in Brazil. I was young and I had fun at a festival. Sue me for having a life!”
– George Santos
]WE NOW RETURN YOU TO YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED ARTICLE[
He Plays Chess By Modified Rules: There Are Only Pawns And Everybody Loses
“We’re talking about people coming from countries who are dealing with political strife, who are dealing with issues where they’re trying to find asylum. And he treats them like pawns.”
– White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre on Florida Governor Ron DeSantis
Surprisingly, When The People Decide On Justice, Nobody Is Guilty
“I will fight for the people to decide, from health to justice.”
– former actor Gina Lollobrigida on why she’s running for a seat in Parliament on the Sovereign and Populist Italy ticket
If He’s Going To Sail Into The Sunset, Shouldn’t He Take His Hat With Him?
“I don’t hate the man, but it’s time for Trump to hang up his hat and sail into the sunset”
– Elon Musk on Donald Trump
Quote Representative Of The Political Smarts That Have Made The Comedian So Popular
“Make some noise for the world’s richest man!”
– Dave Chappelle introducing Elon Musk at a San Francisco show