Weeeelllll, As Long As It’s Limited To A Single Politician, It Probably Won’t Undermine Public Compliance With Pandemic Travel Regulations…
“I deeply regret travelling over the holidays. It was a mistake and I apologize.”
– former Ontario Finance Minister Rod Phillips on flying to St. Bart’s in defiance of provincial travel guidelines
You Know When You’ve Lost Satan, You’ve Lost The Election
“Eight weeks from the election and we still don’t have verifiable, tangible support for, uhh, the, uhh, for the crimes that everyone knows were committed. We have had a devil of a time finding actual proof.”
– Lou Dobbs on the President’s accusations of massive election fraud
Unfortunately, Pretending We Could Control The Virus Didn’t Work So Well
“What the economy cannot afford, and what the psyche of Canadians can’t afford, is to be forced back into total lockdown because we can’t control the virus.”
– Ontario Chamber of Commerce president and CEO Rocco Rossi
Promises, Promises
“The fact is, generally speaking, we have superb police in this country. There will be some instances of excessive force, but by and large, it’s an excellent police force. And if they’re going to be demonized like this, they’re not going to work in these cities.”
– Attorney General William Barr
Oh. Oh…kay. This Could Limit Public Compliance With Pandemic Travel Regulations A Bit, But As Long As Only Two Politicians Bent The Rules, We Should Be Okay…
“Despite the fact that travel is not prohibited, we are aware of the magnitude of criticism against people travelling south.”
– Quebec provincial legislator Pierre Arcand, shrugging off provincial travel guidelines in Barbados
The White Iranians…
Who Speak Perfect English…
And Love Donald Trump…
Your Mind Is A Strange Funhouse Of A Place, Isn’t It?
“My first thought was that the Iranians had followed through on their threat to strike the Capitol.”
– Senator Susan Collins on the Capitol siege
Strong Man, Weak Argument
“If you destroy Lukashenko, it will be the beginning of the end for you!”
– Belarus strongman Alexander Lukashenko responding to street protests that the election that brought him back to power were rigged
Uncle Sam Winks And Eases The Pressure Of His Boot On Canada’s Throat
“We cannot allow political pressures or random arrests of Canadian citizens to influence the functioning of our justice system.”
– Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau on why his government will continue to prosecute a Chinese citizen even though that country is prosecuting two Canadians in retaliation
If I Were A Betting Headline, I Would Give Odds That You’d Rather Have Your Job Back
“It was a group of exhausted supervisors that had worked so hard and so smart to solve many unsolvable problems… It was simply something fun, kind of a morale boost.”
– former Iowa Tyson Foods plant manager Don Merschbrock, defending an office betting pool on how many workers at the plant would get COVID-19
Now That That Unpleasantness Is Over, It Is Finally Safe To Rebuil – What?
“The reason I haven’t rebuilt up there is because I knew it was going to happen again. And, guess what? It happened again.”
– Douglas Johnsrude, who has twice lost a home in a California wildfire
Raising The Dead? Trump Appears To Have Bypassed Lincoln And Started Comparing Himself To Jesus
We Shouldn’t Be Surprised: Everybody Who Heard The Access Hollywood Tape Knows How Much He Enjoys The Laying On Of Hands
“There may be a case, a tiny, a tiny fraction of death, tiny fraction, and they get better very quickly.”
– President Trump on why parents should not fear opening schools during the COVID-19 pandemic
Yeaaaaaaah, This Is Becoming A Problem. If Any More Politicians Break The Rules (Which, I Would Remind You, They Put In Place), Public Compliance with Pandemic Travel Regulations Will Definitely Be Compromised
“We have a duty to set an example as a member of the legislature, but I am in a somewhat special situation.”
– Coalition Avenir Quebec MNA Youri Chassin, on flying to Peru to visit his husband
You’re Not Thinking Big Enough: Why Not Name A Cemetery After Him?
“Why not name the vaccine ‘The Trump?’ Make it like, ‘Have you gotten your Trump yet?’ Now, it would be a nice gesture to him. And years from now, it would be just a kind of generic name: ‘Have you got your Trump yet?’ ‘Yeah, I got my Trump. I’m fine!” I wish we could honour him that way.”
– Geraldo Rivera, who, rumour has it, was once a journalist, although there is very little evidence to support this belief
Damn Straight!
The Politicians Who Are Giving Health Advice Are Much More Likely To Know What They’re Talking About!
“There’s a big problem with an accountant that starts giving health advice.”
– Premier Doug Ford responds to the provincial auditor general’s report on the province’s COVID-19 response
You Know When You’ve Lost Bolton, You’ve Lost Your Mind
“The real issue is the grievous harm he is causing to public trust in America’s constitutional system.”
– former Trump National Security Adviser John Bolton on you know who
I’ve Heard Of Kicking Out The Jambs, But Taking The Rest Of The Door With Them? That’s Hard Core!
“It just pushed forward the [door’s] replacement. That was about it. It was an old door. It was on its last legs.”
– Biggar owner Shirley Kegler after a customer objecting to mask rules tore the front door off the market
JESUS BEGESUS, ARE YOU INTENTIONALLY TRYING TO DESTROY PUBLIC COMPLIANCE WITH PANDEMIC TRAVEL REGULATIONS‽
“I have been in Palm Springs since [December 22] to finalize the sale of a personal property…the decision to travel was a personal choice to address personal business that I deemed necessary.”
– Saskatchewan Highway Minister Joe Hargreave on travelling in defiance of provincial guidelines
That’s What Happens When You Get A Tarot Card Reading On Discount Tuesday
“There will be a smooth transition to a second Trump administration.”
– Secretary of State Mike Pompeo