“So, Your Corporation Won’t Get Any Financial Benefit From Building And Running The Facility?”
“Are You On Crack?”
“It is a freely accessible facility for millions of people, which is ticketed. Those tickets entertain and finance a lot of the public space that will be built around it and will be restored and regenerated.”
– Robert Hanea, chair and CEO of Therme Group, explaining why his company building a spa at Ontario Place is not a way to privatize public land
Our Sermon Today Comes From The Book Of Chandler: “For, Lo, Down These Mean Streets A Man Must Goeth Who Is Not Himself Mean…”
“My intention was not to influence or intimidate the court, but to serve the broader public interest goals of my employer. Unfortunately, in pursuing those legitimate goals, I lost sight of my current responsibilities as a lawyer to society and to the courts.”
– John Carpay, president of the Justice Centre for Constitutional Freedoms, a legal advocacy group representing churches and individuals across Canada, one of two lawyers who paid a private investigator to tail a judge who was hearing a case involving COVID-19 public health orders to determine if he was following them
Expect Them To Do A Reverse Takeover Of The Olympics In 2028
“We believe that science is real and has an important place in supporting human flourishing. There is no better way to highlight the centrality of science in our modern world than elite sports.”
– Aron D’Souza, President of The Enhanced Games, a drug-friendly Olympics planned for 2024
Sounds Like A Quote From A Cronenberg Film
“It feels like I’ve been living in a cage and I’ve finally been let out.”
– Armin Konn, on getting circumcised at the age of 96
You…Umm…You Have Great Teeth?
“People never focus on anything good about me.”
– Marjorie Taylor Greene
“I’ll say it again: Democrats are the party of pedophiles.”
– Marjorie Taylor Greene on Twitter
In So Many Words, Senator Admits “I Don’t Get Out Much.”
“I have yet to meet a person in Minnesota that is hungry. Yet today. I have yet to meet a person in Minnesota that says they don’t have access to enough food to eat.”
– Minnesota Republican state Senator Steve Drazkowski on a bill providing free school breakfast and lunch
“And We Don’t Need A Vote To Determine Which Side Of The Line I’m On. No, Seriously. Don’t Put The Proposition On A Ballot!”
“The dividing line in American is no longer between right or left. The choice is between normal or crazy.”
– Governor Sarah Huckabee Sanders responding to the State of the Union address
Arsenic And Old Populace
“Despite U.S. and U.K. evidence of racial inequalities in COVID-19, the Ontario government, which oversees perhaps the most racially diverse populous in the world, refused to collect data to assess our inequities under the ridiculous guise that it equally ‘cared about everyone.'”
– Toronto Star
Next Up: Gravity Is Real
“Of course he lost. Joe Biden’s the president.”
– Florida Governor Ron DeSantis
You Know, If He Put Half The Energy Running His Businesses That He Puts Into Trolling People On The Internet…
“He can’t eat at [Chick-fil-A] because that would be cannibalism.”
– Elon Musk referring to Mark Zuckerberg, who called him out for avoiding the cage match between them that Musk had proposed
That Is, However, How Modern Conservatives Build A Base
“His answer to everything is cuts and be angry… That’s not Canada. That’s not how we build a stronger future.”
– Prime Minister Justin Trudeau
You’d Think A Savvy Politician Wouldn’t Be So Eager To Prove His Opponent’s Point
“Housing costs have doubled, the cost of living is rising, crime, chaos, drugs and disorder are common in our streets. Now, Justin Trudeau thinks the worst problem in Canada today is that people are angry at him.”
– Conservative Leader Pierre Poilievre
Simply Evolve For Seven Or Eight Hundred Million Years, And VOILA!
“Your body can build up tolerance to heat. Here’s how.”
– The Washington Post
That’s What I Will Say Regardless Of Who The Candidate Is
“He’ll pick another Liberal establishment insider…a real Ottawa insider with some grey hair, who looks like a reasonable fellow. But we all know that it will be someone tied to him, tied to the Liberals here to protect the Liberal establishment.”
– Pierre Poilievre on Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s likely choice for rapporteur to look into allegations China interfered with the Canadian election
Really Telegraphed That One, Didn’t I?
“He is Justin Trudeau’s ski buddy, his cottage neighbour, his family friend and a member of the Trudeau Foundation, which got $140,000 from Beijing… He has a fake job and he’s unable to do it impartially.”
– Conservative leader Pierre Poilievre on refusing to meet David Johnston, who is investigating China’s alleged meddling in Canada’s elections
Your Compassion Is Going To Get A Poor Rating On Yelp
“[They] can’t expect to stay in a four-star hotel.”
– Home Office Minister Sarah Dines explaining why the British government wants to use barges and former military bases to house some migrants
It Made Many Firemen Squirrely
“This turned out to be quite complicated as the squirrel was uncooperative…”
– Dortmund, Germany’s fire department, on its efforts to free a squirrel stuck in a manhole cover
On The Other Hand, It Cuts Down On Travel Between The Two Countries, A Significant Savings For Taxpayers
“Whose job was it to do a simple Google search? No one in City Hall, not one person did a Google search.”
– Newark, New Jersey resident Shakee Merritt after the city agreed to become a sister city with the nonexistent Hindu nation of Kailasa
Tough Room
You Know That, Although He Was A Comedian, He Was Never A Mime, Right?
“If I could get away with punching one person in the face and have no consequences, it would be President Zelensky.”
– Candace Owens
The Buck Didn’t So Much Stop As Pop Its Head In The Door To Say Hello Before It Met With The Person It Was Really There To See
“The premier’s office has accepted Ryan Amato’s resignation as chief of staff to the minister of municipal affairs and housing, effectively immediately.”
– Ivana Yelich, Premier Doug Ford’s Chief of Staff, on August 23, responding to the scandal that land developers were given lots in the protected Greenbelt potentially worth $8.2 billion without consultation with experts
“The buck stops with me, and I take full responsibility for the need for better process.”
– Premier Ford on August 9