Bat Guana CAN Be Contributing To Global Warming, Governor, But Is It?
“I’m not an Al Gore, doom-and-gloom environmentalist blaming the changes in our climate on human activity.”
– Sarah Palin, in the Fairbanks Daily News-Miner last December
“Man’s activities certainly can be contributing to the issue of global warming.”
– Sarah Palin to ABC’s Charles Gibson last week
The Lemming At The Front Of The Line Is Always Certain In His Optimism, Too
“If we were going to have some kind of big crash or recession, we probably would have had it by now.”
– Prime Minister Stephen Harper
The Feeding Frenzy Makes Piranhas Look Like School Marmish Guppies
“Of course there will be fierce lobbying. The real question is, Who wouldn’t want to be included in the package?”
– Bert Ely, a financial services industry consultant, about Wall Street’s reaction to the Washington bailout
Sexism Is In The Political Interests Of The Beholder
“I think that continues the line of argument that is disrespectful in the extreme, and yes I would say sexist.”
– then McCain campaign representative Carly Fiorina on Tina Fey’s portrayal of Palin on Saturday Night Live
“I think she does herself a disservice to even mention it, really. You’ve got to plough through that… When I hear a statement like that, coming from a woman candidate, with any kind of perceived whine about that excess criticism, or maybe a sharper microscope put on her, I think that doesn’t do us any good.”
– Sarah Palin on Hillary Clinton’s claims that she faced sexism during the Democratic primaries
“Republicans will not stand by while the governor is subjected to sexist remarks. As women, all of us are sensitized and outraged when we see sexism like this.”
– former Massachusetts Governor Jane Swift
Think Of It More As Cutting And Walking Really, Really Fast
“We don’t make a commitment and then run away at the first sign of trouble. We don’t and we will not, as long as I’m leading this country… There will be some who want to cut and run, but cutting and running is not my way and it’s not the Canadian way.”
– Stephen Harper, then (2006)
“I don’t think anybody can accuse Canada of cutting and running for a mission we will, by that point, have been on for nearly a decade.”
– Stephen Harper now
WHY AM I NOT REASSURED?
“The issue of economics is not something I’ve understood as well as I should.”
– John McCain, December, 2007
“America this week faces an historic crisis in our financial system. We must pass legislation to address this crisis… Tomorrow morning, I will suspend my campaign and return to Washington after speaking at the Clinton Global Initiative.”
– John McCain, September, 2008
And, Of Course, When He Says”Fundamentals” He’s Referring To American Workers
“Remember, Canada is not the United States. The fundamentals of the Canadian economy are sound.”
– Stephen Harper then (last week)
“We have other plans, other proposals, if we have to help the banking system, if there are problems in the rest of the world that affect us.”
– Stephen Harper now
Every Day In The Republican Campaign Is Like Sitting Shiva (HINT: No Mirrors)
“I guess he [Obama] believes if a lie is big enough and repeated often enough it will be believed.”
– John McCain
But, The Left Would Get The Chalk Eraser Vote, So It’s A Bit Of A Wash
“If a pen could cast a vote, it’s not hard to imagine that the Sharpie would lean toward the right…”
– Globe and Mail
Hmm…Maybe They Do Feel Main Street’s Pain
“We’re all worried about losing our jobs.”
Wisconsin Republican Paul Ryan, explaining the principle he was fighting for when he voted against the first bailout proposal but for the second
Like What Your Sources Of Information Are?
“I wish they’d stick with the issues instead of discussing my black gogo boots.”
– Sarah Palin, quoted in that journal of high-brow political exegesis, Vogue
Now Is Not The Time To Resort To Platitudes To Get Ahead. Now Is The Time To Head To A Resort.
“Now is not the time to fix the blame. It’s time to fix the problem.”
– John McCain, unilateral bi-partisan problem-solver
“Obama failed to lead, phoned it in.”
Doug Holtz-Eakin, McCain economic adviser, two hours earlier
So…Assuming The Ark Is The Liberal Party And The Rain Is The Deluge Of Conservative Attack Ads, Who Exactly Is Noah?
“It wasn’t raining when Noah built the ark, which is why, when the rain came, Noah didn’t need to panic and he didn’t switch boats.”
– Prime Minister Stephen Harper
You Just Realized This?
“Apparently, it is now acceptable for some columnists…to cloak freedom to hate in the mantle of freedom of speech.”
– Faisal Joseph, lawyer for the Canadian Islamic Congress, on the BC human rights tribunal’s dismissal of a complaint against Maclean’s
Better Late Than Never, I Suppose…
“I have no comment on anything to anybody.”
– McCain economic adviser Douglas Holtz-Eakin
Gracefully? There’s A First Time For Everything, I Suppose…
“Stephen Harper will take the hint, behold declining poll numbers, realize the Big Win isn’t there, and step out gracefully…”
– Lawrence Martin, in a Globe and Mail column on the results of the federal election
But…But…What Will Happen To My Virginity IF THE BANK COLLAPSES BECAUSE OF THE SUB-PRIME MORTGAGE FIASCO?
“Once you strip Sex Drive of its naughty bits…the film is as dull and safe as a 1960 high-school guidance counsellor’s pamphlet on dating (‘sex is like a bank account, the longer you wait, the more interest you draw’).”
– Globe and Mail review
…As Long As They Were Within Three Inches Of Me…And My Back Wasn’t Turned…And It Was Thursday…Afternoon…And It Wasn’t Raining…
“Every time there’s been an out-of-bounds remark made by a Republican, no matter where they are, I have repudiated them.”
– Republican presidential candidate John McCain