God Shrugged And Replied, “I Don’t Know This Woman – Never Met Her In My Life!”
“It just broke my heart because so often what they were doing, they weren’t just stoning me, they were stoning and desecrating the God that I love.”
– Republican Oklahoma state Representative Sally Kern, responding to people who called her out for her homophobic remarks
Don’t Actually Answer The Question – Asking Is Enough
“Ask yourself, are we better now than we were three years ago?”
– Rob Ford
Can We Just Take That As Reed?
“Governments don’t have to make room for opposition MPs as part of international trade delegations, and the history of high-mindedness and bipartisanship in this place was already a thin read before Stephen Harper arrived.”
– Tim Harper, Toronto Star
There’s An Advertisement Slogan For You – And Possibly A Tee Shirt!
“We really do have an awesome pizza outside of the weed thing.”
– Mark Klokeid, joint owner of Mega iLL, a pot pizza palace
So, Ignoring The Minimum Wage Issue Won’t Cost Me Any Votes – What Other Math Do I Need To Know?
“I don’t think that, especially in the Thornhill riding, there’s too many families…that are working – the parents – at real minimum wage jobs.”
– Thornhill Progressive Conservative by-election candidate Gila Martow
In The Spirit Of Friendship, Solidarity And Fair Play, We Sent Them To Moscow
“The practice of sport is a human right. Every individual must have the possibility of practicing sport, without discrimination of any kind and in the Olympic spirit, which requires mutual understanding with a spirit of friendship, solidarity and fair play.”
– Olympic Charter
“We do not have gays in our city.”
– Sochi Mayor Anatoly Pakhomov
That’s Rich Coming From A Government That Doesn’t Have A Single Standard
“It limits the pool of eligible judges from the province of Quebec for the Supreme Court of Canada, which I think is unfortunate. It creates a double standard.”
– Justice Minister Peter MacKay commenting on the Supreme Court’s rejection of Conservative nominee Marc Nadon
Especially If You Have A Nine Iron In Hand When You Go Into The Boss’ Office To Ask For A Raise…
“Young women, right now, learn how to play golf. It’s immensely advantageous to your career…”
– Toronto Mayoral hopeful John Tory
We’ve Always Thought Of Our Companies As Krill Among Whales, But We Get The Point…
Canada can’t afford to “be a guppy in shark-infested waters.”
– Chrysler Group chair Sergio Marchionne explaining why Canada needs to give public funds to car companies
There’s A Sort Of Zen Purity At Work Here – Ford Is The Yogi Berra Of Canadian Politics!
“Why did I lie? …I didn’t want to tell the truth. That’s the only answer I can give.”
– Rob Ford
Art So Moving, Reviewers Forget The Basics Of English Grammar
“…Paradise Now, a tense psychological drama about two young Palestinians men planning a suicide bombing against Israeli citizens.”
– movie review in the Globe and Mail
“After raping Masha, he’s remorse and then falls in love with her.”
– a different movie review in the same edition of the Globe and Mail
How Can We Trust You When You’re Interested In Our Sister?
And, Our Nieces?
And, Nephews?
And, High School Yearbook Photographer?
And, The Woman Who Drove Our Bus This Morning?
And, That Guy On That TV Show That Wasn’t Half Bad – Even Though It Was Canadian – But We Only Watched One Episode Of Because We Just Couldn’t Get Into It?
Amd…And…And, Just About Everybody, Really…?
“We would love it if people were to trust us.”
– a Communications Security Establishment of Canada spook
Canada’s 27th Province Clearly Doesn’t Care About Its Heritage
“A view from the balcony of Saint John’s Paramount Theatre in 1955. The New Brunwick building was torn down late last year.”
– cutline on a Globe and Mail photograph
To Be Fair, Almost Half Of Us Are Right
“For me, the vagina is such an integral part of the body. We think the vagina is on the outside.”
– Cameron Diaz
On The Other Hand, Before You’ve Signed The Incorporation Papers Might Be A Bit…Overenthusiastic
“It’s never too early to start planning the sale of your business.”
– Allison Marshall, VP high net worth planning services, RBC Wealth Management
That’s A Shame We’re Going To Have To Live With For A Long Time
“Canadians significantly contributed to the security that’s now here in the country.”
– Major-General Dean Milner about the aftermath of the Afghan War
You Sure Can Be Jealous Of It, Though
Boy, Can You Be Jealous Of It
“You can’t eat charisma. You can’t wear charisma. You can’t pay your mortgage with charisma. You can’t put it in the bank.”
– Preston Manning
If We Could Still Afford Unilateral Force, We Would Show You Exactly What We’re Talking About, Boy!
“It is diplomacy and respect for sovereignty, not unilateral force, that can best solve disputes like this in the 21st century.”
– US Secretary of State John Kerry
Too Late
“Leave hockey alone; not everything should be money related.”
– letter to the Toronto Star
And, Unfortunately, There Aren’t Enough Republican Congressional Seats Or Governorships For All Of Them
“We have got this tailspin of culture, in our inner cities in particular, of men not working and just generations of men not even thinking about working or learning the value and the culture of work, and so there is a real culture problem here that has to be dealt with.”
– Republican big brain Paul Ryan
Yeah, Yeah
They Said That About Diefenbaker, Too, And His Leadership Turned Out Well
She’s “not a nice lady.”
– one Conservative MLA’s criticism of former Alberta Premier Alison Redford
Dean Og And Professor Thag Say Platform Gooooood
“We oppose the teaching of higher order thinking skills, critical thinking, and similar programs.”
– Republican Party of Texas platform, page 12, “Knowledge-Based Education”
That’s Why Your Role At Marvel Has Been Reduced To The Occasional Cameo And Counting Your Money
“I didn’t know what to think when Robert Downey Jr. was announced as Iron man. I couldn’t picture him. To me, Downey wasn’t a superhero. He was Chaplin.”
– Stan Lee