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No Exit Strategy

Book Cover Image

SCENE: comfortable, if plain, living room. AMERICAN GENERAL sits in an armchair, reading a newspaper. SAUDI GENERAL sits on a sofa nearby. Pause.

SAUDI GENERAL: Come on. You know you want to.

AMERICAN GENERAL: I said no.

Saudi General gets up and walks to where the American General is sitting. Saudi General stands behind him and whispers in his ear.

SAUDI GENERAL: (seductive) I’ve got something you want…

AMERICAN GENERAL: I know what you’ve got.

SAUDI GENERAL: And, you want it.

AMERICAN GENERAL: I… (puts newspaper down) Yes. I want it.

SAUDI GENERAL: Bad.

AMERICAN GENERAL: Yes. I want it very much.

Saudi General comes around the chair to face the American General.

SAUDI GENERAL: And, you’ve got something I want.

AMERICAN GENERAL: I can’t give it to you.

SAUDI GENERAL: What are you afraid of?

AMERICAN GENERAL: I…I just can’t. That’s all. I can’t.

Enter ISRAELI GENERAL. Saudi General nonchalently hoes back to sofa. American General guiltily picks up newspaper.

ISRAELI GENERAL: What’s going on, here?

AMERICAN GENERAL: Nothing!

ISRAELI GENERAL: I don’t believe you!

AMERICAN GENERAL: (drops newspaper to the floor) Honey, this was all very innocent, I assure you!

ISRAELI GENERAL: What kind of an idiot do you take me for? I’ve seen the way you look at his oil supplies. You think I don’t know?

American General rises to face Israeli General.

AMERICAN GENERAL: We haven’t done anything.

SAUDI GENERAL: Yet.

American General looks daggers at Saudi General.

ISRAELI GENERAL: You promised him the latest aircraft, didn’t you?

AMERICAN GENERAL: I didn’t!

ISREALI GENERAL: You promised those aircraft to me!

AMERICAN GENERAL: But –

ISRAELI GENERAL: You promised! (pause)

SAUDI GENERAL: if we both got weapons from him, would it really be so bad?

ISRAELI GENERAL: Oh, shut up!

SAUDI GENERAL: Really, would it be –

ISRAELI GENERAL: I’d scratch your eyes out if I thought you were worth the trouble.

SAUDI GENERAL: Hey! Don’t blame me for this situation.

ISRAELI GENERAL: No? Who should I blame?

SAUDI GENERAL: Him!

ISRAELI GENERAL: Him?

AMERICAN GENERAL: Me?

SAUDI GENERAL: Of course! Look at him – his dependence on oil makes him weak.

AMERICAN GENERAL: Now, wait just a –

ISRAELI GENERAL: But, we depend upon him for money and weapons.

AMERICAN GENERAL: That’s right. You –

ISRAELI GENERAL: If he’s weak, what does that make us?

AMERICAN GENERAL: Hey!

SAUDI GENERAL: Feh! Jews and Arabs have existed for thousands of years – long before there was an America. And, we’ll be around long after it’s gone.

ISRAELI GENERAL: Good point.

AMERICAN GENERAL: Sweetie! Let’s not allow history to blind us to current reality…

SAUDI GENERAL: Typical American ahistoricism.

ISRAELI GENERAL: Current reality? Would you be referring to the fact that you supply both sides in a conflict with weapons, intelligence and funds? Do you enjoy seeing us kill each other?

AMERICAN GENERAL: Now – hold on – that’s not fair!

SAUDI GENERAL: Sounds right to me.

AMERICAN GENERAL: I…I believe in peace!

SAUDI GENERAL: The peace of the grave, perhaps

.

American General collapses into his chair.

AMERICAN GENERAL: I – oh, my god! I just realized…

ISRAELI GENERAL: (contemptuous) What?

AMERICAN GENERAL: Hell is other Generals!

Curtain.