1. Your cartoons have photographs instead of drawings. Isn’t that a little, I don’t know, funny?
2. Why don’t you have any talking dogs in your cartoons?
3. Why are there so few images of people in your cartoons?
4. Why did you run cartoons about the federal election months after it took place?
5. Sometimes parts of your images are rough around the edges and don’t seem to quite match up. Why is that?
6. Do you find that taking photographs distances you from experiencing what’s in front of you?
7. Speaking of which, you refer to god in one of the cartoons. Isn’t that blasphemous?
8. You refer to Wim Wenders in one of the cartoons. Isn’t that blasphemous?
9. Why did you cut back from two cartoons a week to one?
10. Come on – you just got lazy, didn’t you?
11. Since you started taking photographs, do you find you see the world in a different way?
12. How has this changed your life?
13. Which do you usually start with: the punch line or the image?
14. Who is your fa – Caesar salad with French dressing? Isn’t that disgusting?
15. Who is your favourite photographer?
16. You really expect me to believe that Moe Howard of the Three Stooges was a photographer?
17. Have you ever seen something you would have liked to have taken a photograph of, but didn’t?
18. Uhh, are you sure you aren’t describing a scene out of War of the Worlds?
19. Why are there CN Towers in the My Toronto logo?
20. Viaduct?
1. Your cartoons have photographs instead of drawings. Isn’t that a little, I don’t know, funny?
That’s the idea.
2. Why don’t you have any talking dogs in your cartoons?
I’m allergic to talking dogs. They make me break out in song.
3. Why are there so few images of people in your cartoons?
Because it’s easier to get a sod of grass and a bowl of peaches and cream to sign a permission form.
4. Why did you run cartoons about the federal election months after it took place?
If you’re hip, you call it retro; if you’re not hip, it’s nostalgia.
5. Sometimes parts of your images are rough around the edges and don’t seem to quite match up. Why is that?
If you’re hip, you call it primitivism; if you’re not hip, you should see an optometrist, because maybe it’s time for new glasses.
6. Do you find that taking photographs distances you from experiencing what’s in front of you?
Yes, and thank god, because, frankly, most of the time I’d like to be as far away from what’s in front of me as is humanly possible. My only regret is that they didn’t have digital cameras when I was a teenager.
7. Speaking of which, you refer to god in one of the cartoons. Isn’t that blasphemous?
You think that’s blasphemous? Check out the next question.
8. You refer to Wim Wenders in one of the cartoons. Isn’t that blasphemous?
You think that’s blasphemous? Check out the previous question.
9. Why did you cut back from two cartoons a week to one?
I was getting phone calls from the emergency rooms at hospitals telling me that people were being rushed to them with delirium induced by reading too many My Toronto cartoons. I cut back on publishing them to limit my legal liability.
10. Come on – you just got lazy, didn’t you?
Only my lawyer knows for sure.
11. Since you started taking photographs, do you find you see the world in a different way?
Yes. I see it the way Ethel Merman would see it if she were still alive.
12. How has this changed your life?
I find myself belting out “There’s No Business Like Show Business” at inopportune moments…like during root canals. It comes out kind of gargley, but I think my dentist understands.
13. Which do you usually start with: the punch line or the image?
I usually start with the clam chowder, but I have been known to start with a Caesar salad with French dressing.
14. Who is your fa – Caesar salad with French dressing? Isn’t that disgusting?
You say disgusting, I say acquired taste.
15. Who is your favourite photographer?
Moe Howard of the Three Stooges. There always seems to be a finger heading for his lens, but his sensitive use of light and shadow manages to capture both the beauty and absurdity of life.
16. You really expect me to believe that Moe Howard of the Three Stooges was a photographer?
You’re right. Everybody knows that Curly was the true soul of the comedy troupe, and he worked in oils.
17. Have you ever seen something you would have liked to have taken a photograph of, but didn’t?
Absolutely. There was this one time when this huge Martian death machine stalked the city, spitting out death rays, some kind of laser weapon that cut a wide swath of destruction. The devastation was awesome! Man, I would give anything to have that scene back so I could properly photograph it!
18. Uhh, are you sure you aren’t describing a scene out of War of the Worlds?
Oh. You’re right. So, I guess the answer is actually no.
19. Why are there CN Towers in the My Toronto logo?
Images of the Bloor Street Viaduct don’t really sell the city as well. I mean, can you picture the Bloor Street Viaduct on a t-shirt? Street vendors selling little plastic replicas of the Bloor Street Viaduct? Glow in the dark vibrating Bloor Street Viaducts that can help your partner find sexual satisfaction when you’re too lazy to do it yourself? No, the Bloor Street Viaduct would never have worked as part of the My Toronto logo.
Oh, you’re not going to get me involved with that old joke!