Act One
Open casting call for a remake of The Birds
The Phantom Mall
Timmy’s Snow Defense Initiative
Where did Peter get the mushrooms?
Beautifying the city street
The Fuck Machines Web site
Allysin’s overprotective mother
Happy families and Happy Family Restaurants
Michelle liked to have spares handy
Martin would have to give his children the talk
Arnold was by no means irony impaired, but…
The Disney Dilemma
The tree had more shelter than they did
The Province’s topless laws
Frosty knew he was out of his depth
The vagaries of artistic inspiration
American Imperialism
Snoball’s Chance at infinity to one
Dominoes of the Gods
Marina never got the whole eagle thing.
Miles didn’t believe Professor Delorey
The dire consequences of not staying in school
Funny guy
Derek improvises
Even pigeons need practice.
Act Two
Attila tests the oil in the pots
You have a dirty mind
Don’t mind me, officer. I…just…tripped.
You don’t have to believe in Area 51 to be paranoid
Rubik’s cartoon
D’uh, I coulda taken ‘im.
Niall thought it absurd
Spot the flaw in the design
Minnie could never figure out why
Morton’s kind of chagrin
Am I ready for my first gallery showing yet?
Talk about going medieval on pigeon’s asses!
Hockey fans aren’t born
Sometimes, even god needs help getting oriented.
You’re in the cage, now, baby!
The only thing missing is Joe Gillis
Why did the kite eating tree become extinct?
Eat your heart out, Wim Wenders!
Hope springs eternal…
Go to the light! Go to the light!
Marcie would not allow Clark Kent to babysit for her children ever again
Maggie’s on the grate, sick, but she wanted me to keep our routine
Snakes know regret
Cavotti Expedition, Day 12
Act Three
Eat your heart out, Leni Riefenstahl!
It worked for Jimmy Hoffa
Chad, Biff and Mason didn’t notice the shadow
It was a cold, cruel world for a clump of grassy sod
Randy had never questioned Pastor Fabrizzio’s judgment before
And on the eighth day, god created amusement park rides.
Even the roadkill wore body armour
Why can’t we all just learn to get along?
The Conservative Party couldn’t help but out itself
What are we teaching the children?!
Electric power to the people!
“I hope you understand that this in no way implies a commitment…”
A fate too absurd to bear
The classic Hollywood image
Ceci n’est pas les pipes.
If we’re so smart, what are we doing in shiny plastic boxes?
Either way, he’ll have more room in the basement
They could have stopped Zardoz from happening
Rex, who fancied himself something of a sportsman…
Streetcars only move trunk to tail in the city
Irony has a sweet tooth
Mothduh
Urb@n Living
Why would anybody want this complexion?
We’ll be watching you…
Act Four
Guys? … Guys?
More Schumpeter than Derrida
Just then, his back gave out
Sometimes, even the Buddha finds astral projection a pain in the ass.
You can’t beat that asking price!
Deeply concerned
Reggie just couldn’t escape post-modern culture
Unlike other people who CLAIMED they had a temper
Mark could have said he was sorry about the goldfish.
People tend to miss the sad melancholy
How ya gonna keep ’em down on the farm
Not a common come-on for the homeless
The last one up the stairway to heaven
Some trees got no shame!
Florinda, the grand-niece of the Wicked Witch of the West
Marcel didn’t have the chops
It was only a matter of time before she succumbed to the Expressionism
You don’t reboot a computer with a sledge hammer
Well, d’uh!
CITY’s self-stated mission was getting a little creepy
A horizontal monkey skeleton with a white beard
Some questions have no answers
ATTENTION SHOPPERS
Jason could never understand why everybody wasn’t on Prozac
Act Five
Christo discouraged Junior from pursuing a career in the arts
When good architects go bad.
Bixby knew there would be vehicles to poop on
Mr. Glasses-Eyes has the full range of human emotions.
So help me, I’ll knock him right off!
When cartoonists fall in love with their words.
Golcondi
At the audition for the role of the Ents
The cart had fallen on hard times
The eternal philosophical conundrum
Tip of the hat to Francis C
After seven years of losses
Mooned by a lepidoptera
Quantum shopping
When they first met, Mark and Andrea were so in love…
Rover found it difficult to find work
His big brother could call it a Napoleon complex all he wanted
Vlad did not see it coming
I bet Busbey Berkely never had to put up with this kind of shit!
Mannequins wouldn’t be caught dead in neon blue slippers
Yeah, well, love to stay and chat, but…
FIASCOS IN CITY BRANDING, LESSON 237
Epilogue
Bonus!
“It wasn’t until that moment that Ship truly understood Bruce Springsteen…”
This was a guest strip I did for the wonderful comic Count Your Sheep. Check it out.