A beautiful lady has followed you home – can you keep her? Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha… Let us not get ahead of ourselves, shall we? Good. You have offered your lady fair a beverage and put on the Julio Iglesias tape and, with luck, you will not be watching Dancing With The Stars this evening! (However, you did TIVO it for a day when you are not so lucky, no?)
Talk to her. Get to know her as more than a sensual being – get to know her as a fully rounded person who just happens to have a sensuality that you cannot help but find overwhelming! The ladies, they love that! And, you will feel less like a man who is really a snake who only loves a woman in order to love a woman. You know.
Look deep into her eyes. Deeper. Deeper. Look deep enough into her eyes to see the back of her head. When she is ready to give herself to you, you will know (it’s the reptilian hindbrain back there, you see). At that point, apply the following algorithm and LET THE EVENING OF SENSUAL EXPERIENCES COMMENCE!
| 1. | Does the lovely lady I have brought home this evening rip off my clothes because she cannot wait to share my obvious fabulousness? * | |
| NO | 2. | Let the sensuous kissing commence! |
| YES | I AM FORCED TO GO TO STEP 8 (BUT, I GO OH SO WILLINGLY!). | |
| 3. | Are my lady love’s lips quivering with hot, wet passion? | |
| NO | 4. | I nibble on milady’s ears. If this does not set her lips aquivering, I initiate the tongue wrestling. If this does not work, I put more passion into the ear nibbling and the tongue wrestling. |
| YES | 5. | Let the caressing through the clothes of the arms, stomach and – oh, yes! – breasts commence! |
| 6. | Is the beautiful lady’s body aflame with passion? | |
| NO | 7. | I continue with the stroking. If necessary, I sometimes add kissing and biting of key body parts through the clothing. |
| YES | 8. | Let the ripping off of the clothes commence! |
| 9. | Am I and my lady friend completely naked? | |
| NO | 10. | Keep kissing, stroking, biting and, especially, ripping! |
| YES | 11. | Is ma belle mademoiselle reaching for my engorged manly essence? |
| NO | 12. | I slowly kiss, bite, nibble, lick and otherwise stimulate a variety of my sensuous lady’s body parts on my way down to her womanly…umm…essence. ** |
| YES | 13. | No! Not yet! I gently but firmly turn her attention away from me. Sometimes, it can be very difficult, I know. But, a man does not deserve to take his pleasure before he has given pleasure to his lady partner. |
| 14. | Is my lusty lady wet in her most female of places? | |
| NO | 15. | I lick my moaning lady’s clitoris. This always makes her wet in her most sacred sanctum down there. *** |
| YES | 16. | Okay, now you can let her play with your engorged male manliness. |
| 17. | Are we both fully, completely, animalistically aroused? | |
| YES | 18. | Let the Butterfly Mambo commence! |
| NO | 19. | Is my lucky lady the one who is not ready, or am I? |
| HER | I GO BACK TO STEP 15 | |
| ME | I SUGGEST TO HER THAT SHE GO BACK TO STEP 16 | |
| 20. | Do we both flop back on the bed, spent? | |
| NO | WE GO BACK TO STEP 18 | |
| YES | 21. | We have both earned a good rest. But, first, LET THE CUDDLING COMMENCE! *+ |
Notes
* You would be surprised at how often this happens. Well, maybe not to you. It depends how high you are on the Fabulous Meter. What? You do not know all about the Fabulous Meter? It is a formula for determining how attractive you are to the ladies. As you might imagine, Manny rates very highly on the Fabulous Meter.
** Many men find it distasteful to, err, taste of a woman’s love juices. You must lick her female essence despite the fact that it can taste like curdled milk with just a hint of ball bearings. It is the only chivalrous thing to do. Believe me, it doesn’t taste nearly as bad as a man’s love juices. Do not ask how Manny knows this – he just does.
*** You…you do not know what a clitoris is, do you not? How can you not? Do you drive without knowing what a stick shift is? Do you play hockey without knowing what the stick is for? Do you play with that ball connected to a paddle – you know, the one connected by a rubber band – without knowing how to use the paddle? Manny does not approve of this! Go read Our Bodies, Ourselves before you even think about spending an evening with a lady again!
*+ What do you mean, you do not cuddle? You have this incomparable lady sweaty and naked in your bed, AND ALL YOU CAN THINK TO DO IS TURN OVER AND GO TO SLEEP? What kind of a man are you? Manny is beginning to think that his wisdom is wasted on you!
Manuel Montana Smithson Manischewitz is not a licenced sex therapist and makes no claims on the efficacy of his method. Really, sensual delight cannot be reduced to a set of mechanical activities. Play! Experiment! Be free! Any sexually transmitted diseases you may receive as a result of following the Manuel Montana Smithson Manischewitz method are not the legal, moral or pedagogical responsibility of Manuel Montana Smithson Manischewitz, his heirs – real or imagined, known or unknown – or assigns.