Loving husband. Devoted father. Active in the community. Always attended church on Sunday. Professional troll. Born June 12, 2001 in Devil’s Armpit, Arizona. Died September 28, 2054 in New York, of a cerebral hemorrhage from a really tough nougie, aged 53.
American1237Patriot. kissmypolarbeareatingass. ANGELOD33TH33. fornicateyou. Eddiee. In the course of his life, George Blount went by many names.
I just knew him as dad.
He didn’t talk a lot about his work. When we were sitting around the dinner table, enjoying shark fin burgers with panda milk shakes, he wouldn’t blurt out, “Oh, you’ll never guess which major Democratic politician I just accused of having to go to emergency to get a Sarah Palin doll out of his rectum!” It wasn’t that he was ashamed of what he did for a living. Far from it: dad always insisted that his children choose a career that they would love, using his own life as an example. If he didn’t talk about his work much, it was likely out of a sense of propriety, especially when we were young, because, let’s be honest, his work could get pretty raunchy.
The story I’m about to tell has been pieced together over the years from my research into my dad’s life. And, what a remarkable life it was.
Legend has it that George Blount posted his first message to a discussion board when he was just seven years old. It was sent to the old GoPoGoComics site, which reproduced comic strips and editorial cartoons online. In the post, he chastised Doonesbury creator Garry Trudeau for encapsulating everything that was wrong with America, from gay marriage and rising crime rates, to the sub-prime mortgage melt-down and obesity. It’s hard to tell what set George off on this rant, since that week’s comics were reprints of a series where Zonker buys a British peerage, but the importance of the post cannot be overstated.
A troll was born.
Unfortunately, many of Dad’s first messages have been lost; he did not save them, and the Web sites and discussion boards on which they were posted deleted them (or have dropped off the Net). Towards the end of his life, when he was more willing to talk about his work, I asked him if this bothered him. Dad thoughtfully explained that his early work wasn’t very good, the arguments were unfocused and the language pedestrian, and he preferred to be remembered for his later, better crafted work. I couldn’t have been more proud.
The earliest message we have written by George was sent to a Web site with medical information about AIDS. It starts: “faggots r gonna die. prepare 2 meet yur makr.” George was only 14 when he wrote this, but you can already see the pithy style that would become his trademark.
A few months later, he posted “Paul Newman kickd the bucket – if only we could get Michael Moore to take the hint & drop ded 2!!!” to politico.com. This was the message that brought him to the attention of Republican operative Karl Rove. Soon after it was posted, Rove began to pay George to post messages on progressive Web sites, first for local and gubernatorial elections, but, eventually, for presidential elections. Rove never met George, and never knew how young he was; if he had, Rove almost certainly would have started him out at a much lower salary.
George’s knowledge of all of the hot button issues of the day was encyclopedic. Whether it was trying to preserve the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge or helping street people find a more stable life, with a few well chosen words George could find a way to demean the core of your beliefs. If you had an interest in progressive politics, odds are you were infuriated by some provocative thing he wrote.
Dad was a tireless worker, often spending up to 18 hours a day posting messages to hundreds of sites. Dad always led by example; although he never lectured us on it, all of his children grew up with his strong work ethic.
Although George Blount retired a wealthy man at the age of 43, he did keep his hand in. One of the last posts he made was to a Web site that featured a support group for rape victims. “Admit u enjoyd it already!” he wrote. “buncha man-hatin lesbian whiners. get over yurselves.”
Dad never got the credit for his achievements that he deserved; it’s an occupational hazard when you’re writing under a series of pseudonyms. He was okay with that, though. “I just wanted to make a difference with my life,” he modestly used to say. “And, I think I achieved that.”
He was a role model for us all.
Melissa Blount
Famed hard drive scouring technician Melissa Blount was the seventh of George Blount’s 12 daughters. She doesn’t understand why none of the others went to his funeral, but she would appreciate it if they called her.