“Hello.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“What?”
“You said hello.”
“Yes.”
“What do you mean?”
“Hello…means…hello. It’s a form of greeting.”
“Define your terms.”
“My – am I in the right place?”
“You are…Victoria Wilson?”
“Yes, sir.”
“You are in the right place.”
“Oh. May I have a seat?”
“Are you comfortable expressing your anal needs to a complete stranger?”
“I beg your pardon!”
“Or, perhaps the ‘seat’ signifies something else for you? Like…stocks and bonds, or a desire to make love to a brick of Swiss cheese.”
“Or, perhaps the word ‘seat’ signifies a desire to sit.”
“Hmm…no, that’s not it.”
“Doctor Arbuthnott! Even Freud allowed that sometimes a seat is just a seat!”
“Freud? Oh, we’re well beyond Freud here. Are you familiar with gibbon?”
“The anthropologist?”
“The ape family. We take regression therapy to a whole new level.”
“Oh. I thought I was here to discuss -“
“Discuss discuss.”
“Are you sure -“
“Certainty? That was for modernists. We’re beyond that, now.”
“But, wasn’t it the modernists who believed in constant change, shifting the ground under our feet from moment to moment?”
“I believe I’m asking the questions, here.”
“Sorry.”
“Now, how do I know you’re really Victoria Wilson?”
“I’m sorry. I should have shown you my -“
“No, I mean how do I know you’re not a simulacrum of Victoria Wilson?”
“Well, I mean, if there are only copies without originals, nothing is ‘real.’ If that’s the case, our Saturday nights will be pretty empty.”
“Mmm…unorthodox.”
“Thank you.”
“It doesn’t count in your favour.”
“Oh.”
“How’s your Eco?”
“How’s my echo?”
“That’s right.”
“I hope I never have to check a book out of the Library of Babel.”
“Are you taking this seriously?”
“What do you mean by seriously?”
“I see.”
“I…I’m not doing very well, am I?”
“What makes you say that?”
“The way you write on my file after I answer – it looks like that pen will snap in two at any second…”
“No, I meant what motivates you – or anybody – to speak?”
“Oh. For the, uhh, communication of ideas?”
“What do you mean by communication?”
“The sending and receiving of information?”
“What do you mean by receiving?”
“Uhh, taking in?”
“What do you mean by in?”
“You know, I think this has been a mistake. I’m going, now.”
“But, we haven’t even touched on cyborg consciousness yet!”
“Touch it yourself, pal!”
“Hmph! You’d think if somebody was serious about getting teaching work in a University English department, they’d know how to speak the language!”