Leo was an ordinary guy
Who didn’t consider himself “political.”
Sharing his opinions made him shy,
And he hated to be critical.
He owned a Terrier (yes, a Skye).
He taught economics, analytical.
But a new life for him did commence,
When Leo began to read the comments.
It started innocently enough
When Leo read a recipe for chicken soup online.
It was pretty basic stuff;
He found it hard to believe the discussion could turn malign.
Little did he realize it would would become rough,
Marking the beginning of his decline.
Risking a cesspool of anger that logic never dents,
Leo read the comments.
A debate about the correct amount of salt
Grew more and more shrewish.
Heart attacks and strokes were the pro-seasoners’ fault
They replied, “Oh, you wish!”
Leo’s reading came to a screeching halt
When the salters were accused of being part of a conspiracy most Jewish.
He didn’t realize debates could get so intense
Until Leo read the comments.
At first, Leo was shaken
By posts that became increasingly furious.
He was, of course, mistaken
When he thought reading more would not be injurious
To his mental health. But, something in him began to awaken,
As shown by the fact that he remained opinion curious.
For his behaviour, he ultimately had no defence,
But Leo continued to read the comments.
An online celebration of Canada Day
Devolved into angry accusations of being “woke.”
People who enjoyed parks where children could play
Were accused of being “psychologically broke.”
If you mentioned that the sky was grey
You were a puppet of Big Weather Forecasting (really – it’s no joke).
Reading message after message that made less and less sense,
Leo became increasingly fascinated when he read the comments.
When to low levels of vitriol he had become inured,
Leo decided to dip his toe into politics.
Most of the discussions in this area quickly became absurd,
Mired in vicious insults and obvious rhetorical tricks.
At this point, most people’s curiosity would have been cured,
But Leo wasn’t willing to give up so quick.
He didn’t realize he was becoming more pessimistic by increments
As a result of Leo reading more of the comments.
The level of discourse wasn’t that great:
It was a distant shadow of the Lincoln-Douglas debate.
After perfunctory preliminaries, people went straight
To personal invective and indiscriminate hate.
His curiosity Leo finally did sate,
But by then it was, alas, too late.
You would go to any lengths to pwn your opponents
As Leo learned while he read the comments.
On a page of movie reviews,
Leo asked, “Why can’t we all just get along?”
His first attempt at a comment drew a chorus of boos
And negative reactions that were disproportionately strong.
Soon, he was accused of being too fond of booze.
On social media, if you aren’t extreme, you are wrong, wrong, wrong!
Let the online flame wars commence!
He could not escape battle after Leo read the comments.
Leo did his best to defend his position,
Quoting Martin Luther King and Gandhi,
But his posts were met with even more derision.
Everybody online seemed to have insults handy.
Engaging was a bad, bad, very bad decision,
But Leo was coming to the conclusion that it would turn out just dandy.
Anonymous strangers getting their jollies at his expense?
Leo would not back down after reading the comments.
Soon, he was posting 20 times a day
On topics hew knew little or nothing about.
The key to this kind of intellectual play
Is to act as though you never had a doubt,
And if anybody has anything contradictory to say
You angrily drown them out.
Anger turning to rage, long-term exposure foments,
But Leo couldn’t help it: he read the comments.
It turned out to be the same old story,
One that’s happened online a million times.
Leo’s posts became more and more inflammatory
As he sunk ever deeper in the slime.
His imagery became more and more gory,
Even though disagreeing with him was people’s only crime.
It became easier and easier to pass judgments
After Leo started to read the comments.
As he took extreme stand after ludicrously extreme stand,
The end of Leo’s online adventure loomed.
From Facebook he was eventually banned,
And his presence on other social media was doomed.
His name had become a poisoned brand,
His reputation never to be exhumed.
If you want to remain innocent in the face of current events
Do yourself a favour: don’t read the comments!